


Take Care

by 123Brooksie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Ereri Week, High School Student Eren Yeager, M/M, Religion, Smut, Teacher Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Teacher-Student Relationship, dubcon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-02 18:16:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 19
Words: 62,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2821616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/123Brooksie/pseuds/123Brooksie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren is a rich religious kid sent to an average public school. He's a real Jesus freak but he soon finds out his teacher is the devil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Found this story in my Evernote just want to see if people actually like it

Birthdays. Birthdays are supposed to be happy. I should be as excited as my father but somehow I can't be. I sit at the table, the sixteen candles staring at my face.

"Aren't you going to blow them out, and make a wish?" My father asks. "I'm so happy. Why aren't you?" He asks.

"I'm not ready. Please give me one more year father." I beg.

"Eren we've gone through this before. This is only a test. If your faith in god is strong, which I know it is, you'll be fine. I went through this when I was your age. All you have to do is finish junior and senior years in a public high school then you can come back to the convent." My father says. That's his usual speech.

I blow out the sixteen candles with no wish at all.

"Good job son. You'll be fine. I prayed. This is what I went through when I was your age. All the sisters want to wish you good luck. They know you can do it. You'll be faced with temptation and evils but I know you can overcome any obstacle. Next week when school starts just make sure you remember your morals." Father says.

"Brother Grisha." My favorite nun, lady Sasha says cracking my room door open. Her black gown, draped to her ankles, sways as she walks inside.

"Brother Eren. I just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday and the best of luck on your leaving the convent. Remember all that you've learned here. You've been trained into fierce obedience, meaning you have to do what your teachers tell you. You've been taught forgiveness, this one is important, don't hold grudges. I suppose you know the rest of your morals." She says curtsying.

"Thank you for the wisdom." I say with a smile.

"Oh you're very welcome." She says copying my smile. "The high school you're going to has a dorm for the students to live in. Yours is already set up. I'll visit you whenever I can." She says with a blush.

"You know you can't leave here. Girls can't leave until they are eighteen. So in two years when you're allowed to leave it will be time for me to come back." I say. She brightened my dull birthday just by walking into the room.

"Darn it." She says with a smile. "You know I'll be waiting here for you." She says.

This time I blush. She should know not to say these kind of things in front of my father.

"I know." I say. I look at my father who is pretending to be thinking of something when really he's just eavesdropping.

"Don't fall in love with some tight clothes wearing, curly haired, make up wearing girl." She says backing towards the door.

Should I say what I know would satisfy her? "You're the only girl for me." I say quietly.

Her smile sends a chill down my back. She takes her coif off of her head and I can see her long brown hair for the first time in a while.

"Eren be loyal. Don't even think about another girl." She says walking out and closing the door.

At six o'clock we won't even be able to see each other. The boys and girls are separated every evening after dinner and don't see each other until seven a.m when it's time for breakfast.

"Sister Sasha really is growing up isn't she Eren." My father asks. I hide my face in my hands. "You don't have to be embarrassed. You are becoming a man after all. Is she the one you want to marry? I could talk to her parents for you. I could even arrange for you two to share a house... Then after that you two will share a bed... Then after that I will have grandchildren.. Then.." My father says.

"Stop!" I yell cutting him off. He laughs heartily and stands to his feet.

"Eren be sure to enjoy one of your last seven meals in the safe confines of the convent. This gated community is always open for a visit. You can come Friday night and leave Sunday night. Just remember our advice, mine and Sasha's." He says. He walks out of my room, gently closing the door behind him, and then I'm alone.

 

It's 5:30. Almost time for me to eat my final meal in the convent. My final meal safe with all of the brothers and sisters.

I eat my meal as slowly as possible. All the younger brothers approach me, asking me questions, giving me advice, and other things that I just ignore. The night somehow fast forwards and then it is morning. Then I am packing the final bag. Then I am in my fathers car being driven two hours away to a high school. Then I am inside of my dorm.

My dad sits on the low bed.

"Father. Why don't I have a roommate?" I ask.

"It only costed a little extra. Don't worry no ones knows you're from a convent and no one knows that you're rich. That brings me to some more advice. Don't tell anyone anything unless you are sure you can trust them." He says.

He turns his attention to the large tv on the equally large tv stand that is parallel to my bed.

"This is the thing I remember most about leaving the convent." He says picking up the remote. "You'll learn to love this thing." He says. The tv turns on and I'm literally drawn to it. I sit besides my father and watch the screen with him. We don't even notice until four hours later, how long we've been watching.

"Eren everybody is tested in different ways, because everyone is different. The biggest challenge for me was leaving everything from this world behind and going back to the simple way of god. I would find myself crying at the temple every night but then I met your mother." He says.

I blush a little every time he mentions my mother. I never knew her but I heard she was a wonderful person  
From the sisters and brothers down at the convent.

"Eren make me proud. I'll be visiting every once in a while." He says standing to his feet. I stand as well and hug him tightly. This is it. I'm in the real world now.

"Father!" I say as he twists open the knob. He turns to look at me. "I will make you proud." I say.

He smiles and walks out, closing the door behind him, then I am alone.

I turn the tv off. So school starts tomorrow, huh?

When I wake up in the morning I'm so tired. So very tired. I usually wake up at seven I think as I look for my clock. On the floor face down, there it is. I turn it to face me. EIGHT O'CLOCK!? School just started. I hurriedly begin to get ready, sliding on a casual polo and slacks. It's weird that I have to dress down so much here compared to the convent. By the time I am ready it is 8:45. When I get to the school building, from my own two legs, it is 8:57. I look at the small piece of paper which is my schedule and run towards the room that is listed as "homeroom."

I open the door to the room and look for an empty seat. Everyone is looking at me. I pretend not to notice the eyes as I take a seat in the front of the room.

"You must be Eren Jaeger." The teacher says.

I look up at him and I'm surprised by how short he is.


	2. Chapter 2

"Y-yes sir." I say.

"Sir? I like it." He says. "But please try to get here on time. Tch, rich kids. If you had gotten a room with someone they could've woken you up, but no you're special, right?" He says.

I don't know how to answer. How on earth could he tell I was rich?

"Jean, Jean Kirschtein." A man says before entering the room. Everyone sitting down and the teacher stares at him. "Sorry I'm late teacher, it's just that I was busy with my girlfriend last night. I know you understand. You're giving it to your old lady every night right?" He asks strutting to a seat. Most of the class laughs but I just sit in shock. How disgusting... And rude.

"Don't disrupt my class like that. By the way, I already marked you absent, go get a tardy slip." The teacher says. His brows are drawn together but he doesn't look angry. I make the horrible decision of looking around the room to see girls. Girls with their legs about 95% out, girls with the tightest shirts I wasn't even aware were being made. My eyes hurt. My brain hurts. I have never seen the female chest presented in such a way. Jean gets up and walks out of the class. The teacher is silently cleaning off his desk until Jean returns.

"Okay class, this is more directed towards Eren and Jean..." He says. I look down at his cravat, very nice, my father used to wear those. I look down his button down shirt, to his black pants and long dressy shoes.

"I'm Levi. Just call me that. Hearing Mr all day gives me a headache. You could call me sir though. It sounds nice." He says. "I'm your homeroom and English teacher which means I  
will unfortunately have to see each of you twice a day. Homeroom is usually ten minutes but since it's the first day we won't be leaving this classroom." He says.

He rambles on and on for two hours about his expectations and I take diligent notes. He talks about respect and lastly what it takes to pass his class.

The bell rings for lunch I assume and everybody gets up, leaving everything where it is. I do the same. As I'm walking towards the door a hand grabs my shoulder. I turn around to meet Levi in the face.

"Eren." He says.

"Yes sir?" I ponder looking down at him, not to be rude, just because he's a short person.

"Why have you been taking notes? Have you noticed you were the only person doing that?" He asks sliding his hand off of my shoulder. The feeling makes me shiver and I lose my train of thought for a moment.

"Uh yes. It's just I have to take notes on what you say so I can please you. I take notes for reference." I explain.

"You're not from around here are you? This has got to be your first time in a public school." He says raising an eyebrow.

"Well yes. I'm from a tightly bound convent. A closed community. I've been trained into perfect obedience. Taking notes is the best way to make sure I'm obeying your every will." I say.

"That's creepy." He says. I'm a little offended.

"I know why it might seem that way at first. Everything here is so much different than how I was raised." I say.

"You mean the sluts? You weren't expecting to see sluts right?" He asks.

"Sluts?" I say in confusion.

"Girls that spread their legs for any boy." He replies.

"You mean..." I trail off covering my lips and I swear Levi's lips curl into a smirk.

"You must not be used to words like that. This is going to be a very interesting year for you. I'll watch over you and keep you out of trouble." He says walking to his desk and taking a seat. He opens a large book and starts to skim it, quickly turning pages.

I just stand by the door, letting my hands fall back to my side. Oddly enough I feel a blush rise to my cheeks. "Hm?" Levi hums looking back over at me. "You can eat lunch in here if you want, but I advise you at least try the cafeteria once." He says turning back to his papers.

I awkwardly shuffle my feet back to the seat I was just sitting in, unzip my backpack, pull out my brown bagged lunch, and dig into it. He looks up at me with surprise.

"If you don't mind I'll take you up on your offer." I say before taking a bite of my sandwich.

"Tch. Idiot. At least try to make friends." He says.

I wouldn't fit in down in that cafeteria with those... What was it? Oh sluts. I don't fit in with those loud mouth troublemakers like Jean, but I do feel safe right up here in this classroom with my teacher.

"Eren. Since you're here run down to the store and pick up my order, I'm starving." Levi says as I finish my bag of chips. I walk up to his outstretched hand with money in the palm. He looks at my fingers in disgust. "Never mind. I'll get it myself. Make sure you clean up behind yourself." He says walking out of the room.

I throw away all my garbage and relax in my chair. I pull out my schedule and look it over.

Homeroom  
Biology  
Math  
Lunch  
World History  
Gym  
English.

So I start, then finish the day with Levi. He's a nice teacher, although his language is a little rough.

"Hey faggot!" Someone at the doorway yells. I look towards, them folding up my schedule and shoving it my pocket. The person is Jean. "Some of the kids down there told me you were rich. That true?" He asks.

My eyes widen and I'm too scared to even think of lying. I nod slowly. "Well I hate rich people. Rich people are the reason why my mom is struggling so much." He says walking in the room. I get up and walk to meet him close to the door so I can escape. Before I have time to react, he grabs my collar and lifts me into the air. I can't breathe.

"I fucking hate kids like you. I'm gonna make you bleed." He says.

I hear the click clacking of heels in the hallway and Jean drops me. I fall limply to the floor and just lay flat. He kicks me in the side and casually walks off. "Good morning Miss Petra." He says.

"Good morning Jean." She replies.

I just lay on the floor in shock. I was almost attacked just because I'm rich. So this is what father was warning me about. After a few minutes of laying on the floor someone trips over me and falls on top of me. I look up and it's Levi. His hands are on either side of my face and his bent knees are both on the outside of my legs. His bag of food is in his mouth and he let's it fall to the floor.

"Shit, Eren. What are you doing on the floor? Are you stupid?" he yells.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. As he's getting up his hand brushes my side and I gasp at the instant pain it brings. He looks in my eyes with a frown then drags my shirt up a little.

"It's purple. How long has this been here?" He asks. "What the hell? Have you been fighting?" He asks, his voice raised even higher.

"N-no I..." I start. He rises to his feet and offers his hand to help me up.

"Eren tell me what happened. This is the first day of school and someone is already bullying you? People can just tell who the special kids are and they pick on them. You're rich and have morals, they can just smell it, like animals." He says.

I hate it. I hate this feeling I have right now. I feel so weak and helpless. "No." I growl. "I'm not being bullied." I say with clenched fists.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of." He says with a doubtful look on his face.

"Ashamed? No. I was fighting because I didn't like the way that Jean kid was looking at me. So I beat him up." I say seriously.

"Is that why I found you quivering on the floor? It's okay Eren, I won't step in until you ask me to." He says.

I think of something to say through an odd silence and the bell rings.

The rest of the day consists of the exchanging of glares between Jean and I, and Levi's small frame pacing in front of the classroom as he talks. Then it is the last minute of the day.

"So tomorrow you guys will already be expected to be switching classes. You'll come here for homeroom, just for attendance and to turn in any forms from clubs you'd want to join. There's information sheets on the back table, go ahead and pick one up when the bell rings. After home room, you have your schedules, follow it." He says.

When the bell rings I stay at my seat. I want to take a look at the club sheets that everyone's looking at but Jean is back there. He grabs a few sheets and then glares at me, I respond by snapping my head back around swiftly. About two thirds of the people in the class file out with some papers and I notice Jean waiting at the door. Is he waiting for me?

"See you tomorrow Jean." Levi says sternly.

"See yah tomorrow." He says, still waiting at the door.

"That wasn't really me telling you I'll see you tomorrow, in fact, by that I simply meant get the hell out of my class. Go home, school's out." Levi says in a smooth, fluent tone.

When Jean leaves, I get up and go to the back table. There's tennis, wrestling and badminton. Cross country? No that's not really my style. My heart jumps as a hand comes down on my shoulder and I hold my breath. Levi?

"Eren. Join the fitness club." He says. "It's ran by me. I can help you learn to defend yourself." He says sliding his hand off of me.

"I don't need the help." I say defensively.

"What about your bully?" He asks looking me deep in the eye.

"I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now. I already said I'm not being bullied. The closest thing to a bully I have right now is you!" I yell.

He stares at me, blinks, then walks back to his seat. "It was just a suggestion." He says opening a large book and flipping through the pages.

I blindly grab a few papers and rush out of the classroom. When I get to my dorm, I feel safe for the second time today. It's not at all my fault that I'm rich. Most rich people are simply born into it. I collapse onto my bed with a deep sigh.

Father, what are you doing right now? How is Sasha? Is she being loyal to me? She isn't the type to be ruled by lust. She's pure in body and soul and she's faithfully waiting for me. Dad is going to get us a house, then a bed. I blush a little.

Today was awful. I have a bully. He only doesn't like me because I'm rich, well my father is rich. And my homeroom teacher, Levi, my lower stomach churns when I think of his cold eyes. What was that? What kind of reaction was that? He wants me to join some club. The fitness club. I straighten my back as I read the paper with the same heading: The Fitness Club. Tuesdays after school with coach Levi, punching bags, weight lifting, sprints. Does this thing kick off tomorrow? I couldn't admit it to him but I'm not fit enough to fight off my bully, or even intimidate him. The fitness club is a club I need to join.


	3. Chapter 3

School today was a drag. I never had to switch classes in the convent. Who invented that? I got lost every passing period. Back at the convent I had one class that was four hours long. This school has double the learning time.

Yesterday was a pretty bad day for me. I got a bully, I was punched and Levi pities me. I remember how yesterday after I thought about Levi's eyes, there was a sticky substance in my underwear. I'm disgusting. What a horrifying sin. I prayed for so long last night that my knees are still beating.

"Eren." Levi says as I'm about to leave his classroom.

"Sir?" I ask.

"Right after school in the gym." Levi says.

"I'm not joining your club sir." I say.

"Yes you are. I know what's best for you. Come. After. School. This isn't an option." He says.

I roll my eyes and walk out. Forced to go to a club. I stomp down the hall and stop dead in my tracks when I see Jean.

"It's time you little pussy. Hiding behind the teacher won't save you every time." Jean says taking a step closer to me. However he quickly takes a step back with slightly widened eyes. Gentle fingers stroke my lower back making me tremble and my nether regions stir.

"Go home Jean." Says a familiar tone. I turn to look at Levi. How is it that he's always here?

"But I'm joining cross country." Jean says innocently.

"Then get there." Levi says. His tone is so dark, so scary, I look into his eyes, storm clouds and the sky is getting darker. Jean nods and walks away. Levi's fingers slowly slide down my back, they lightly brush my buttocks, then settle at my hip. My skin is tingling, it's literally on fire. The longer he touches me the longer the flames are ignited. "He's gone." He breathes into my face.

"T-thank you." I stutter as his hand slowly moves away from my body.

"Your welcome." He says walking back to his classroom.

I wait in my dorm, sprawled on the bed for what feels like hours but is actually about ten minutes. Am I really going to his club? Why did his fingers feel so good on my back? Did he purposely touch my bottom? This is so confusing. It never felt weird when people back at the convent touched me. He touches me so softly and gently- Anyways, am I really going through with this?

 

I stomp through the halls looking for the room. The gym. I find it by the loud noises I hear from down the hall, cracking the door open I peek inside. I see a shirtless Levi in front of about fifty sitting students wearing only athletic pants and gym shoes. 

"And this is my favorite." He says picking up a pair of big black gloves and slipping his hands inside of them. He slowly struts to a huge brown hanging bag. "This bag is just layer after layer of cushion but if you punch wrong, it is going to hurt - a lot." He says.

I let my eyes wander around his body. His strong chest, every inch of him visible was defined by strong muscles. His body was perfect, honestly. He set up a form with bent knees and his right hand and left foot stretched in front of him. "Take the form that works best for you then get angry." Levi says and he gives the bag the worst beating I've ever seen in my life. The crowd of students sit in awe. Sweat clings to his body then drips to the floor and he rams his foot and fists into the bag. "Guh!" He says every time he hits the swinging bag. When his fist hits it, the sound is brutal. The sweat dripping, now even from his hair, the sounds from his mouth, and the sounds of his fist hitting the bag consume me. I stare in awe until he finishes. His head cocks to the side towards the door. I'm not sure if he can see me or not, but he does it, I'm sure I just saw it. He smiled.

I sprint to the bathroom past a teacher and almost knock her over. A smile? Once I'm safe inside the bathroom I just sit in a stall. What was that? His fingers were melting my skin. My face feels hot and my lower back is still tingling, then the forbidden fire trails down to my groin. I wonder if I look down in my underwear, if I'll see the same sticky liquid there. He smiled at me too. The sweat dripping from his body and the sounds from his throat- why are they making me react so much? Oh Jesus why am I thinking like this? Please forgive these unholy thoughts. Even so, I'm still curious as to what will be in my underwear, if anything.

I unbutton my pants slowly and push them down to my ankles, my underwear quickly following, then I just stare. I stare wide eyed at the sticky webs hanging from the tip of my penis. There was this much this time? I touch the tip of my penis shamefully and squeal at the pleasure. This feels so wrong I feel like someone is watching me. Jesus I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I wrap my hands around the base of my dick and begin to stroke up and down. My eyes shut tightly and my mouth falls open. "Levi," I find myself mumbling. It increases the pleasure and I start to pump faster. "Levi, Levi, oh Levi." I moan into the open air. Why does this feel so good, calling his name while touching myself? I imagine the feeling of his hands on my bare skin, the vision of sweat dripping off of his chiseled chest. Sweat. Sweat is so disgusting but for some reason it is not on Levi. A vision of Levi's sweat dripping on my face appears, Levi on top of me. 

My hand is dripping wet with liquids spilling between my fingers. My moaning reaches a crescendo as my stomach draws up completely. It hurts but also feels quite good. Then my stall is forced open with a strong push. I look up from the toilet and see my teacher, Levi, staring down at me in awe.

"So it's you making all of this noise." He says leaning on the door. I follow his eyes to my sopping wet hand, then penis. I nod in horror. Jesus I'm so sorry. Please, please forgive me. My eyes begin to water and a lump appears in my throat as Levi squats in front of me. "Look at this. What a mess. It's completely hard." He whispers.

"I-I'm sorry." I say. My fingers are still wrapped around my penis and I lower my head in shame.

"This is what goes on down at that convent of yours?" He asks. He moves his head to a position to where he can see my face. I flinch as he reaches his hand towards my face, his finger slowly wipes a tear from my cheek. "It's okay. You're not in trouble. What are you thinking about? You're in here calling my name while doing a thing like this, talk." He says. He unwraps my wet fingers from around my penis and holds my hand.

"I was just... I don't really know what I was doing. I just wanted to feel good while I called your name. That's all." I say.

"Well." He says looking up at me. His eyes, the storm is back. "What are you going to do in a situation like this? You're swollen to the point where if I had been a minute later bursting in here, you would've creamed. You were just moaning my name and now I'm here. What is it that you're going to do?" My teacher asks.

"I'm going to go to my dorm..." I say under my breath.

"And what about your hard penis. Are you going to just leave it? That's not good for your body you know. And how do you plan on getting it back in your pants. It won't look or feel good and there will be a big mess in your underwear." Levi reasons.

"What is it that you're trying to persuade me to do?" I ask with fear in my heart.

"I want you to decide, rather than be persuaded actually. Do you want me to help you or not?" He asks seriously.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im sooooo sorry. for like 7 hrs these chapters were all messed up omg. I fixed them now

I think for a moment. "Come on now. I don't have all day." Levi says. I notice a single stream of sweat sliding down his bare chest and my stomach tightens even more. His cold eyes staring into my teary ones, it's hard on me, the pressure boiling inside of me.

"Please, please help me." I blurt out. What am I saying? This is what I need. If I don't have this then I don't know what will happen.

"Oh." Levi says. He places a hand on each of my thighs. "I do wonder," He starts. He wraps his fingers around my penis tightly making me squeal. My teacher brings his face closer to my penis and strokes it a few times. "What would Jesus think?" He ends, enveloping me. My fingers instinctively bury themselves in Levi's scalp as he bobs up and down on me. My eyes are shut so tightly that I can feel my eyelids turning inside out. His mouth, it feels so good. My body is encased in heat.

"Gah! Ahh! Please! Mmph..." I moan. This is so shameful. I was taught since age four to do things like these with my wife and taught since age eight that two men having sex is an abomination. Jesus, I know you're probably extremely upset with me but please, this last time.... Forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me.

"Forgive me." I whisper. Levi's mouth is so hot. It's so very hot and it burns hotter than Levi's fingers. This feeling is indescribable.

"Try to relax a little more. I'm not raping you right? This is what you want right, what you need?" Levi asks, his mouth leaving my wet flesh.

"Right, right!" I scream desperately. I need him to continue. Stopping now would be pointless, the sin has been committed.

"My strengths in teaching aren't limited to English, if you haven't noticed." He says before sinking back onto my penis, this time for the kill. He frantically bobs, swirling his tongue and using teeth. I'm sure using teeth isn't what you're supposed to do, but the fear of being bitten is exciting. My stomach draws up and a feeling that could only be compared to rumble of thunder unfurls in my lower abdomen. What is this? This is scary... It feels like something is about to burst.

"Levi! Levi!" I scream. Levi slides his fingers into my mouth silencing me. I move my hands from his scalp to his still sweaty shoulder and squeeze tightly on his muscles. The bubble in my stomach erupts and flows from my penis in powerful surges, straight into Levi's awaiting mouth. Both of us are panting. My eyes flutter open and the sight before me makes me quiver. My teacher, with my seed dribbling down his chin, from his mouth.

He unrolls quite a bit of tissue and spits the fluid, similar to the substance I saw in my underwear but thicker and whiter, into it. "That was pretty quick." Levi says standing to his feet. He reaches for my hand and I grab it, standing to my own feet. He walks to the sink and scrubs his hands, then looks back at me. "It's softer now, put it away." He says motioning towards my crotch. I hurriedly fix my clothes. "And wash your hands." He says drying his hands and quickly leaving the bathroom.

I have to say I stand in the same spot for about twenty minutes before I'm even able to move. What even just happened?

I walk down the hall and as I'm passing the gym I can hear grunting and the familiar pounding of the punching bag.

As soon as I get to my room I burst into tears. I'm so angry at myself. How could I be taken by lust so easily? I mean that was too easy. I became a lewd beast before my Heavenly Father and it hurts, it hurts so much. Everyone at the convent gave me so much advice, how could this happen to me? And Sasha...

I get a raw image of Sasha bobbing up and down on me instead of Levi and it makes me immediately drop to my knees in prayer.

Father, forgive me for I have sinned. I've let lust take over and I've committed adultery.

Salty tears stream down my face all night long. I'm impure and I have no one to blame but myself. I can't even blame Levi for this, he gave me a choice and I was so lustful that I chose wrong. I was blinded by the devil but our god is a forgiving god.

On my way to school it still rings in my head. "What would Jesus think?" He asked me. I get upset all over again but it's happened, I asked forgiveness, now it's time to put it behind me. That happens to be way easier said than done.

"Good morning Eren." Levi says as I walk into the classroom. He looks at me for about two seconds then walks to his desk and sits.

"G-good morning sir." I say walking to my seat in the front.

"How are you?" He asks turning a page in a big book on his desk. I can't help but wish I had come later than earlier. There's only five people in the classroom right now and I wonder if they got this interrogation when they walked in as well.

"I'm great. Thank you for asking. How are you?" I ask. I'm so nervous, I can feel my legs shaking.

"Oh I'm fine. So... What did you think?" He asks. I frown. "About yesterday?" He says. An intense burning sensation goes through my body and congregates in my face. I can feel how hard I'm blushing. Why would he ask me about that in front of other people? "Are you thinking about joining or no? I saw you looking in the door yesterday so what did you think about what you saw?" He asks turning another page in his book. So we're just going to pretend that what happened in the bathroom never occured? I'm one hundred percent okay with that.

I exhale and wait for the blood to leave my face, but it shoots right back up when I think about what I saw yesterday. Levi's muscular shirtless chest, the sweat clinging to, and then dripping off of his hair, face, and body, the noises he made as he punched the bag, the list goes on about things I noticed in there and the fact is that's the root of my unholy thoughts. That's why the events of yesterday happened, because it was my first time seeing a shirtless man with so much density and body. It was my first time seeing sweat drip off a man in such a way. It was my first time hearing noises like that. "Y-you seem pretty passionate about that punching bag." I utter looking up at him. We look up at each other at the same time and I can't handle those cold eyes. I look back down.

"Yeah. It feels right. Did you ever just do something out of the blue and it felt right so you picked it up as a hobby?" He asks. I can feel his eyes burning a hole in my face but I don't have the backbone to meet his gaze.

"I know where you're coming from but that's never happened to me." I say.

"Ahh. That's right, because Eren is a good boy. He does whatever daddy tells him to right? Eat, pray, and sleep." Levi says. He flips a page in his book.

My cheeks feel hot as some of the people in the room giggle. "What's wrong with being obedient?" I ask, raising my voice just a little.

"There's nothing wrong with it. Understand that sometimes you have to bend the rules... Make up your own... Don't follow any at all. Take what you can get now, whatever happiness, whatever little things you find joy in. Besides, life's just a game and everyone loses in the end."

"That's how it works if you don't have faith." I bark immediately after his last word.

"So you're fine with living the rest of your life afraid of some entity? Why don't you just live your life? Worry about death when it's knocking on your door. What's the point of living if the entire time you're worried about the afterlife? As far as facts go there isn't one." He says. He looks up at his clock as five more people walk in. "Good morning guys." He says.

"Good morning." They say in tired voices.

I'm kind of glad they came in and interrupted because I have nothing to say that can counter what Levi said.

The day blows by and at lunch time I sit in my advisory seat in Levi's classroom.

"Eren, did you eat yet?" Levi asks looking up from his book.

"Just chips." I answer.

"Ugh. I'll be back." He says standing and leaving the classroom.

It's so lonely with him gone. He hasn't said anything to me for fifteen minutes but still, the fact that he was sitting a few feet away from me was comforting. He was probably going to send me to get his lunch. Last time when he asked after he saw my less than clean hands he changed his mind. If he's so uptight about clean things why is it that he... I stop myself mid-thought. I lift my sandwich up to my mouth and take a bite. I don't even want to think about-

"Eren." Some one singsongs. The sandwich roughly slides down my throat as I turn towards the door. "It's time." He says walking towards me. I get up and out of my seat to meet him halfway.

Maybe I can talk some since into him. "Okay, look-" he punches me in the side of my face and I fall to the floor on my side. He then quickly lifts me up and pushes me into a wall. I hit the back of my head on the wall and as I'm crumpling to the floor he grabs the neck of my shirt and lifts me off of my feet.

"Fuck. I hate people like you. I bet you fat rich pigs roll around in money all day and in public you try to act weak, try to blend in. I find that disgusting." He says.

"W-well-" he elbows me in the stomach and I shout in pain.

"Shut the hell up. I tell you when to speak.... Now you can speak." He says.

"The alternative to that is us bragging about what we have. We're civilized and don't train to fight, so no, we don't act weak. We're ignorant to animalistic behavior." I say with tongue-lashing ferocity.

"Oh, so now I'm an uncivilized animal? Your big words don't confuse me. Just because you have more money doesn't mean you're smarter than me." He says drawing his fist back.

I wince. "The fact that you're beating me up over nothing makes me smarter than you. So in that sense, I guess you're right. Can't blame your lack of cash for your lack of brains." I spit out.

His eyes widen and he proceeds to drive his fist into my stomach, but before he does a pair of heels click quickly through the halls. A teacher pokes her head in the classroom.

"Jean put him down. Get to the dean's now." She says rushing over to us.

Jean puts me down and curses under his breath. She kneels to me as I slide down the wall and sit on my butt. That must have been pretty hard with her leather skirt that stops at her knees.

"Are you okay?" She asks.

She smells so good. "I-I'm fine." I reply. She backs away from me as I have vomit convulsions, but nothing comes out. She stands to her feet and grabs my hand, pulling me to my own.

"You got a name?" She asks.

"Eren Jaeger." I say.

She smiles at me, her eyes twinkling and it's contagious. "Petra Ral, senior teacher. You'll have me next year." She says. She grabs my hand and shakes it. "Want to finish eating in my classroom?" She asks as Levi's walking in. "Oh good afternoon Levi." She says.

"No he's fine in here, sit." He says looking me in the eye. He drops his small box of fried rice onto his desk and sits in his chair.

"It was nice meeting you Eren." She says walking towards the door. "I'll make sure Jean gets in big trouble." She stops at the door, gives me a thumbs up, and I giggle. Then her heels are clicking quickly down the hall. We hear a thud and the clicking stops. "I'm okay!" She yells and then the clicking starts back up.

I have a genuine laugh as I walk back to my seat and Levi is staring at me wide-eyed. When we make eye contact he clears his throat and looks down.

"Did I miss something?"

"Well, no." I say. "Not really."

"She said something about Jean. The left side of your face is red." He says. He picks up his fork and takes a bite of his rice. "Instead of having teachers step in all the time, wouldn't you rather spend an hour and a half with me after school, train your body, then beat his ass?" Levi asks.

"I-I-"

"Aren't you tired of being the damsel in distress. Put on your big boy shoes and defend yourself Eren. I'm pushing you right now, I'm pushing you so hard Jaeger because I want you to do this for yourself." He says. He puts his fork down. "I can tell you're a good kid. I don't want you to be destroyed." He says. There's a hint of passion behind his voice that makes my cheeks feel hot.

"If you want me to so bad then I-"

"I want you to so bad." He assures.

"Then I guess I'll be there." I say quietly.

"Good choice," he says picking his fork back up. "Unlike yesterrrr- nevermind." He says before snorting.

I take a bite of my sandwich. "L-Levi?" I call.

"Hm?" He answers looking up at me.

"You think you can help me find a hobby?" I ask.

"Pshhh. You know I can." He says.

Time flies and it's almost the end of the day. I watch Levi walk back and forth in the front of the classroom talking about Latin root words.

"Eren. What is the root word in the word photosynthesis? Oh! And how could you figure out the meaning if you didn't know what it meant." Levi says.

"Oh um. The root word is.... Thesis?" I say unsurely.

"I asked you what the root word of photosynthesis is and you say it's... Thesis." Levi says cocking his head.

People in the classroom stare at me with confused expressions.

"Y-yes." I say.

"Okay then. Explain it's meaning without using your book or prior knowledge." He says.

"Well a thesis... Is... A statement. It can be proved by facts..." I trail off.

"Eren the root word isn't thesis. It's photo, go from there." A girl sitting behind me whispers. I think her name was Mikasa.

"Mikasa!" Levi yells. Everyone in the classroom winces. "Let him figure it out!" He yells.

I don't freaking know the answer. "Photo means light in Latin. So it's the process where light is synthesized by a plant." I say.

"And what is the definition of synthesized?" He asks.

"To combine chemically... Into a coherent whole." I say.

"Mmmm. Good job Mikasa." He says with an attitude because she basically gave me the answer. I turn around and she gives me a cute oh-well-smile. I guess it took three days for me to finally get a friend.

"Sit by me at lunch tomorrow." She whispers.

Either her whispering is really bad or Levi has super hearing because he flashes her a death stare. "Jaeger, lunch detention for the rest of the week." He says. My mouth nearly drops to the floor. "Maybe I'll change my mind, depends on how you behave for the rest of the class."

People in class look at me.

"Sorry." Mikasa says with a snort.

"Okay so you know photo in Latin means light and synthesis has to do with the combining of chemicals to create....." Levi goes on and on.

After class I'm the slowest packing up. "If you ever get out of this dungeon sit by me sometime." Mikasa says before winking and exiting the room.

"Hey, Mi-" I start before a hand comes over my mouth. I turn to Levi.

"Eren, you're starting to become talkative. I think it's a good thing that you're making friends," he says sliding his hand off of my mouth. "But could you make plans after class?" He says.

"Sorry sir." I murmur.

"No you're not." He says walking past me. "You have lunch detention for tomorrow, you're free the rest of the week. You have to remember that there's two ways to get on a teachers bad side. The first," he says raising a finger. "Trying to be the clown of the class. The second," he says raising another finger. "Talking during the teachers time and it's my time when the bell rings, until the next bell rings." He walks out of the classroom and I follow him.

"Um Levi?"

"Bring athletic shoes." He says not even turning to look at me.

I go to my dorm and change my clothes to jogging pants, a T-shirt, matching jogging jacket, and matching shoes. I feel like I'm over doing it. If I wear this I'm sure someone could tell I am rich trash. I strip off my jacket and change my shoes to plainer ones and head back to the school building. I pass Jean in the hallway and he doesn't even look my way.

"Eren." He says. Is that some kind of greeting. "I-I'm- the... The fact that your rich isn't your fault." Jean says turning to look at me. We both stop walking and stare at each other in silence. "I'm sorry I intimidated you and everything else. I was acting irrational due to my jealousy." He says.

"It means a lot to me that you apologized. B-but I... I have a club to get to now." I say pointing in the direction of the gym.

"Okay. Me too. I'm in cross country. What are you in?" He asks.

"Oh I'm joining the fitness club today." I say as I begin to slowly walk in the direction of the gym.

"Oh, try hard for coach Levi." He says.

"Thank you. I will. You try hard for...?"

"Coach Petra." He says giving me a yikes face.

"Try hard for her then." I say.

"Okay. Gotta jog. Give Levi your all." He says as he literally jogs off.

"I will." I say and a smile spreads across my face. Is that already two friends? Even though he hit me and tried to intimidate me, he genuinely apologized and I have to commend him for that. He admitted his faults.

I look into the gym and Levi's wearing black jogging pants and a white t-shirt. That's almost exactly what I'm wearing only my pants are dark grey and not jet black. There's only about fifteen people in there now and they all seem to be doing their own thing. Some people are lifting weights, some are on the floor working on their abs, some are on the floor doing push-ups, people are bench pressing, Levi's by his punching bag, and there are a few people by the pull-up bar.

I take a deep breath as I gently pull open the door.


	5. Chapter 5

Levi's head cocks to the side and that rare smile spreads across his face.

"You coming in?" He asks. I nod and walk in. I love how everybody in here minds their own business. No one looks at me as I walk in. Levi meets me half way and he puts his hands on his hips.

"Well I came."

"Like you said you would. So what catches your eye? You don't look like a bench press kinda guy..." He takes a step closer to me.

"Well," I say unconsciously taking a small step backwards. "What kind of a guy do I look like?" I ask.

Levi takes a step closer to me, this time I stand my ground. "Hmmm..." He says biting his lip and looking around the gymnasium. "There," he says. "Pull-ups."

I follow him over to the farthest wall and in the corner there is a horizontal bar that's about six feet high. "This is the pull-up bar?" I ask nodding in appreciation.

"Yeah. If you're going to find a hobby I'd recommend lifting weights and excelling in this. Let me see your arms..." He says. I hold out my arms and his hands, seemingly in slow motion, come towards them. His soft fingers gently wrap around my wrist and I shut my eyes tightly as a heat spreads through my arms. "Mm-mm Jaeger. These are some pretty pathetic arms." He says as he slides his hands up my arm. The heat, the heat is so intense, so surreal that I can feel my knees hitting together as my legs shake. An instant replay flashes through my head, Levi bobbing up and down in between my legs, his sweaty, soft palms on my thighs, the same palms that are on my biceps. He let's out a little moan in amusement that starts a tingling in my lower stomach. "There's a little something here in your biceps. I can make something out of this." He says nodding in approval.

I'm sure he can feel the goosebumps on my skin as he drags his palms down my arms. Am I overthinking everything? Is he caressing me or simply just trying to feel my muscles? He kissed me in between my legs and that's a big deal, yet he pretends like it never happened. I am overthinking it.

"Hey, smarty. What are you waiting for?" Levi says and I enter back into the real world.

"Huh?" I say squinting at him.

"Get your ass up there." He says shaking his head with a small smile. He slaps my butt as I jump and grab onto the bar which makes me instantly fall on it. "Oh sorry, you're a man of god. That probably confused you, didn't it?" He asks squatting in front of my sitting figure. I'm sickened at the thought that my first instinct is to look in between his parted legs. "Just where are you looking Eren?" He asks dipping his head to look in between his own legs.

All the blood in my body rushes to my face. "N-no. You see- it's not what you're thinking at all. I'm sitting in an awkward position compared to you and I-"

"Alright, alright. I get it." Levi says standing up. He sounds amused. He reaches his hand down to me and I grab onto it. "Now get up there. Show me, how many can you do on your first go." He says yanking me to my feet.

I nod and jump up to the bar.

"Stop dangling your feet. Bend your legs and cross them at your ankles. See you're already losing stregnth. Get down." He says. I hop down. "The entire time you're up there, the muscles in your arms are at work... Hard work. It's so easy to overwork them. As soon as you jump up there, get started. Ah, and remember to raise your chin above the bar." He says. With that I jump up for the third time and  immediately begin to raise my body. "Jaeger, that one doesn't count. Chin over the bar." He says. I do another one. "Okay that's one. Keep those arms farther apart." He says. I do another and another and keep going until my arms feel like jelly. The sweat between my palms and the pole is just too much and I slip off of the bar. I get my balance just before I fall on my butt and Levi places a strong hand on my back to ensure that I don't fall.

"Hah, hah, hah, how'd I do?" I pant. Why am I so short of breath?

"Yah did six." He says. "Correctly."

"What the heck? That was like twenty." I yell.

"Did you not comprehend? I said you did six, correctly." He says. "I gave you countless reminders," he says circling around me. "Spread out your arms, I said. Chin above the bar, I said. You listened six times. But I must say I thought you wouldn't be able to do any, so for that I have to say you surprised me... And impressed me." He says walking away from me.

"Levi?" I call after him.

"Keep working on it. You'll get better and stronger."

"B-but-"

"Let me guess, you feel as though you need me there to watch you." He says with a snort.

I do feel that way. "No!" I shout.

"Good then, the punching bag's been howling for me this whole time." He says walking to the other side of the room. From afar I watch him as he slides on his black gloves and gets in his form. He proceeds to beat the crap out of the poor bag and I just watch and listen to the "Guh!" Of Levi's grunts, and the crackling of his fists.

"Hi, I'm Bertholdt." An extremely tall guy says approaching me.

"E-Eren." I say. I frown over at him in confusion.

"Uh I specialize in bench pressing just over there, and I was wondering if you could be my spotter for a round." He says.

I silently agree and I follow him to his bed. This bulky blond guy who looks way too strong to be in high school looks up at me from his bed. "This is Eren." Bertholdt says.

"I'm Reiner." The blond says.

"And I'm Bert, now we all know each other." Bertholdt says, laying down on his bed and grabbing the pole. I ease it over the safety hooks for him.

 "Ah. Guh. So, Eren," Reiner says as he's pulling and pushing the bar towards and away from his chest. "What makes you join the fitness club? You don't look the type." He says arrogantly.

"Coach Levi was basically begging me to join." I say with cockiness of my own.

"Well, you know," Reiner says in between grunts. "The winter competition is coming up." He says.

"Oh yeah, we go against other schools in bench press, push-ups, pull ups everything you see in this room.." Bert says handing me the bar to put back on safety. 

"Last year when Bertholdt and I were juniors we beat the world record in bench pressing." Reiner says putting his weight up without help from his spotter.

"Not we, you did Reiner. He did 77 in one minute." Bertholdt says with a laugh.

"So the whole point of this competion is to beat the world record?" I ask. I look over at Levi just to see what he's doing. I gulp when I find him bare-backed.

"The whole point is to beat the other schools for the trophy. Then there are those who beat the world record, while just trying to beat high schoolers." Bertholdt says standing up. "Thanks for spotting." He says patting me on the back. "Coach?" Bertholdt yells. A few people look our way including a sweaty Levi. "Me and Reiner have to leave forty minutes early again." He says.

Levi looks me in the eye briefly, then nods at Bert and Reiner. "See yah tomorrow, freshman." Reiner says.

"I-I'm a junior." I correct as they're walking out.

The rest of my time I yield to trying to do more than six, correctly. I complete ten by the time our meeting is over. In this club you watch the time yourself and Levi doesn't dismiss. You simply leave when you want to, if it's later, but like Bert did, if you're leaving early you have to at least tell Levi.

I'm completely exhausted when I let go of the bar for the final time. When my feet hit the ground I turn around and Levi's approaching me.

"How was your first day?" He asks. A towel is around his neck.

"It was good." I say.

"So you made three friends by now right?" He asks. I let my eyes wander down his body. His hole midsection is incised with muscles. My hands itch and feel sweaty. "Hm?" Levi hums and I snap back into reality. I freeze even my breathing when I realize that my hand is on Levi's upper abs.

"Oh my goodness. S-sorry." I say as I'm pulling my hand away.

"No." He says holding my wrist, which halts my hand from escaping. "It feels good." He says as he drags my hand down his abs. The feeling of his skin is so good. His flesh is so soft as I caress it. The bumpy feeling of his rectangular abs as my fingers trace the shape is magnificent and I feel that all too familiar stir in my lower stomach. "Feels good right?" He asks me and I nod hesitantly. "What were you trying to touch Eren?" He asks as he slowly slides my hand down lower and lower.

"I-I don't have abs that big s-so I... So I..." He let's go of my wrist but I leave my hand on his dangerously lower stomach, right in the middle of the lower part of his v-line.

"Show me." He says taking a step closer to me. All we need is to put our hands around each other and we'd be hugging. His fingers curl underneath the hem of my shirt and he slowly raises it. Back near this far wall that the pull-up bar hangs on I doubt anyone can see us. He walks us back to the wall and presses me against it as he lifts my shirt over my chest. He flattens his hand against my stomach and my skin immediately melts. I suck in my stomach by instinct and bite my lip to hold in embarrassing sounds. "Ah." He moans softly as he presses his knee in between my legs. His thigh rubs against my hardening penis.

"What are you-"

"Your skin feels so good." He says adding his other hand to my stomach. "Your abs are still in the forming stage, I see." He says. I can't hold in a moan as both of his hands slide down my chest, stimulating my nipples. "Wow Jaeger. Where's your composure? To think a man of god is getting this turned on by another man touching his muscles. It's shameful." He jokes.

"I-I'm not turned on." I say breathlessly.

"But you are. What's this that's been poking my leg?" He asks.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about." I blurt out, but I know. I know.

"Hm? You don't?" He asks. He slides a hand down my quivering stomach, into my pants. "Ah," he moans softly in my ear as he grabs a hold of my penis. He gets really close, pressing his lips on my ear and it makes me shiver in pleasure. "It's really hard Eren. Should I take care of it like I had to in the bathroom?" He asks. I shut my eyes tightly and let my hand slide from Levi's stomach I unintentionally touch his crotch and it's soft. How can his be so soft when I'm so hard? "Should I Eren? Do you want it?" He asks. I shake my head frantically, but why am I lying? I know I want it. "Don't deny yourself pleasure Eren. Is this about pride? I'm pretty sure that now you won't be able to cum by yourself. Oh! This is another Jesus thing isn't it?" He asks stroking the length of my penis. I can taste blood as my teeth bite into the skin of my lip. "Isn't it?" He asks louder and I nod. "Oh," he says sliding his hand out of my pants. I instantly moan wantonly. He slowly walks away from me. "Good luck trying to take care of that." He says picking his shirt up off of the floor. He quickly puts it back on and then he's gone. 

My body misses his heat, my body misses his hands, my body misses him. My body calls out for him but I will ignore it. I will continue to ignore it. My father told me of these strong temptations and I won't be dragged down. This erection aches but I'm sure hell will ache much more. The truth is I can't walk out of this room with an erection. I sit down on the floor and slowly stroke my erection. It feels good but it really isn't enough. Then five minutes have passed and I'm just frustrated. My penis is still hard and nothing I'm doing to it is helping. Then I remember Levi's hands on my thighs as his sweet warm mouth bobbed up and down on me. I close my eyes to get a better visual. I remember his tongue licking and his teeth raking and- oh. It's getting warmer, everything's getting warmer but the thought of him isn't enough. I need the real thing.... And I look up and there it is.

"I have to lock the gym up. You almost done?" He asks. I squint up at him and reach my hand for him. "Hm? What do you want?"

"Your help." I say. "I can't get there, without your help." I say and I don't care that my cheeks are red. He takes my hand and kneels down to me. "This is the last time I'll ask for your help for this horrible sin. I'll atone later." I say.

"Get on your hands and knees and I'll see what I can do about your erection." He says. I kick off my shoes and quickly comply. I raise one of my knees as he scoots on the floor and lays beneath me in between my legs. He lowers my jogging pants and underwear a little before grabbing each of my hips. "See Eren, you're no better than the rest of us. Realists like me can accept that there is no god. Stop being afraid of what your body wants." He says lowering my hips. My arms nearly give out when his mouth makes contact with my penis. My position is quickly changed to an open-legged plank. His tongue feels so good. His mouth feels so good. I'm already almost there, but I don't want it to end. He releases my penis from his mouth for a bit and strokes it with his hand.

"D-don't stop." I say quietly.

"You need to calm your moaning a bit. We might not be the only ones in the school." He says.

I bite my lip as his hand returns to my hip and his mouth reattaches to my hardness. Levi's hand that stroked my penis leaves precum on my back as he drags his hand down to my butt. I pant as I can feel the orgasm getting ready to explode. "AHH!" I yell as a wet finger is push down to the knuckle inside of my butt. I immediately begin to cum. I can feel his finger twisting around inside of me as he swallows my cum. My abdomen hurts. I've been planking for a while now, but the orgasm blinds all of that. Levi slides his finger out of me and releases my penis when I finish cumming.

"How was that?" He asks as I pant and desperately try to catch my breath.

"What the heck did you do?" I ask, my fingers trembling as they pull my pants back up. Levi slides from under me and sits up giggling softly at my trembling postorgasmic figure.

"I made you cream." He says. "For the second time." He adds.

"With your finger?" I shout.

"Oh that? Well I know you wouldn't want to shove your finger up your own ass so I did it for you... To make you cream... And to make it so you will always need someone to help you cream. Now masturbation alone won't be enough Eren. To get off now you're either going to need a fantastic blowjob or something up your ass... Or something like what you had today, both." He says standing up.

I'm still trying to get off my hands and knees when Levi's hands snake around my waist. He pulls me up to my feet to face him and my fluids are still glistening on his lips. He licks his lips slowly while looking into my widened eyes. Masturbation alone won't be enough? That sounds horrible. "Does that make you angry Eren?" He asks reaching around me and slapping me on the butt. He roughly grabs one side of my butt then releases me with a laugh. "You're so confused right now aren't you. From now on you need me to cream." He says walking away. "Come see me the next time you're hard. I'll help you." He says.

"Levi?" I ask as I follow him out of the gym.

"It'll all be fine Eren. It's not as bad as it sounds." He says.

I have nothing to say. Why would he even do a thing like this? It's as if he wants me to disobey god. I thought he was annoying at first. Then he tried to help me and I thought he was nice. Now what is he? Interesting. Irresistible.


	6. Chapter 6

I lay awake in my bed looking up at the ceiling in this small dormitory. Was this room always so small? My body feels warm and sweaty and I feel like throwing up. I run to the bathroom and hop in the shower again, this will be the third time, and I just sit with my back against the wall. The water doesn't put me at ease this time. I've let lust take over again. Again, I've let the devil take over my body and mind. Jesus, please, please forgive me. That's the last time I will do that. God will forgive me, but I have to stop making the same mistake. I sob into my hands as the water pours over my skin in massaging streams.

After dressing and laying down, again, my swollen eyes slowly shut. His hands were so warm, his mouth, indescribable... No. These thoughts must stop. 

His eyes were so cold, the ever changing shades of grey staring into my own as he helped me to my feet. His finger, the one he wriggled up my... No. These thoughts are the devil itself. It's not like anything romantic will ever happen between a teacher and a student, especially two males. All of what he's doing is just to tease me. He's trying to test my faith. I won't let the devil back in.

-  
Today I sit with Mikasa at lunch and I wonder what kind of a face Levi is making. He can sit in his own poorly lit classroom and order his own food. That's it! If I avoid him I have literally nothing to worry about. I enjoy lunch laughing with Mikasa and her friends. As far as looks go, Mikasa puts Sasha to shame. It's alright if I think that right? I'm a boy after all. I'm entitled to looking at and judging other girls. I have an unexpected flashback of Sasha. She's so cute, in a different way than Mikasa. What's everyone doing over at the convent-monastery? What are you doing, Sasha?

"Hey Eren."

I stand up along with everyone else and I turn to face the voice. It's Jean.

"Hey Jean." I reply.

"We're friends now right?" He asks scratching his scalp.

I look up at his flustered face and nervous eyes. "Yeah." I say with a nod. "What is it?" I ask.

"... Uh... That girl you were sitting with. Her names Mikasa right?" He asks. He looks really uncomfortable.

"Yes?" I say with a frown.

"I like her!" He blurts out. I blink a few times, unsure of what to do.

"Well she's cute. You have good taste." I say after a minute.

"As the friend that said it first, I get dibs on her." He says.

"Wait, wait, wait. Didn't you say you had a wild girlfriend or something like that on the first day of school?" I ask.

"Hey, hey, I don't ask questions about you and your man Levi." He says with a jerky snort.

My eyebrows draw together. "What? What do you mean, my man?" I ask in horror.

"I can tell you've been all over him, trying to become the teachers pet." He says walking away. "Later." He yells back at me.

"Teachers pet?" I ask with a sigh. Yes, of course. Being the teachers pet in Jean's mind is much better than the reality of our situation. Crap I almost went all day without thinking about Levi, of course it was hard in advisory, but I managed to get through. Too bad that after my next two classes I have English.

Those classes blow by. In gym we played basketball and I have a nasty bruise on my arm to prove it. It was in that moment, when the orange-brown ball was coming towards my face that I decided I would ignore Levi. I would ignore him, I wouldn't dare to even look at him. And so I am rejecting him, I am rejecting him with all that is my being, with all the willpower and strength that I have left and I will continue to reject him. I will continue down the holy path that both my biological and holy father have laid before me. I have atoned for my sins and decided that I will not look back anymore and mope about the decisions I've made. I can only move forward and the path I choose, the promise I've made myself is that I will reject Levi. I will, and I won't give in. I will reject Levi.

I regain awareness of my surroundings when a slim waist slowly walks past my sitting form. The smell is familiar. It's Levi, I won't even look. His black dress pants held up by his brown belt, his white shirt clinging desperately to his muscular chest, his chin... No. I hastily look down. He continues walking down my row and turns around at the end of it to retrace his steps.

He stops walking loudly and I look over at his crotch, staring me straight in the face. "Jaeger," he whispers loudly.

"Sir?" I ask fighting the urge to look up.

"What are you doing? Sleeping?" He asks.

"No." I answer. It's all of no use. I'm too afraid.

"Well I'm talking to you. Look me in the eye." He says. As if my neck is on rusty hinges I slowly lift my face so my eyes meet his, then as if burned by the sun itself I lower them back down. "What's this about, I wonder." He says resuming his walking. "Stay behind after class." He says before resuming his lesson. I will reject him. My resolve is strong, yet I feel as though it's almost at it's limit. I have to reject him soon became a question. Can I reject him?

-

Levi gently bends me over his clean desk, as I expected from him, not a speck of dust. My face is completely numb against the imitation wood and I feel my eyes begin to water. I'm letting this happen again.

"Where do you need me?" Levi asks. My pants and underwear slide smoothly down my legs and I shiver at the immediate cold. So this room gets pretty dark when the light is out, and when there are less bodies it's pretty cold. "Answer me Eren." He says. "Or are you still trying to ignore me?" He asks with a snort.

"Inside of me." I say and it doesn't sound like my voice. Did I really just say that? It sounded like a desperate robot, but that doesn't make sense, robots don't feel emotions such as desperation do they?

"I'm not going to lie, this will probably be the worst thing you've felt in your entire life, but after this time it will only get better for you." He says.  His foot kicks mine further apart and one of his soft palms stroke my thigh. "Don't yell out okay?" He says. He's one of those "I'd rather be safe than sorry" kind of guys huh? No one is in the school right now. The teachers have left and the students too. The ones that are in clubs are using these thirty minutes to get ready for those clubs in their dorms. But that quote literally has statistics that proves it's saved lives.

My erection rubs against the hard wannabe wood every so often and I cringe in pleasure. Since when did the room start spinning? I lay flat on the desk's top, unmoving as Levi delves two fingers into my mouth. To be honest I don't even care what he does anymore, just as long as he's touching me.

He snorts. "What's wrong Eren? You're practically dead. Don't tell me you're upset. You should be happy that you're listening to your body." He says. He pushes a finger into me and I grab onto the desk in agony.

"Hic-" I clench every muscle in my body.

"Denying me access, that's no good." He says sliding another wet finger inside of me. This time I can't help the loud groan that escapes my lips. "That's more like it Eren. Purr for me." He says twisting his fingers around inside of me. "Feels weird doesn't it? Like there's something foreign up your ass, like a mop or broom or something?" He asks. I'm not sure if he's expecting an answer or not. Either way I have none for him. "I'll teach you an even stranger feeling." He says pulling out his fingers. My hands lax on the sides of the desk and I pant lightly but quickly to catch my breath. I hear the faint sound of a zipper being undone. I continue to lay unmoving on the desk. I failed you again god. Levi's hands settle on my butt, each on a different side and with his thumbs he peels me open. I moan at the awkwardness and adult tickling, then fear dawns on me.

"Alright. You're all prepared. I'm going in." He says before his hot meat makes contact with my bare flesh.

"A-aah!" I yell out.

"Don't get carried away now, we're still in a school." He says as he pushes his head through the firm ring of muscle. I yell out again. That really hurt.

"So hot... Why- why is it so hot?" I gasp.

"Hard parts over." He says. He snugly grabs my waist on both sides and pulls me back onto his penis which Impales me. I feel so sick, so full, and so warm that the stretch doesn't even bother me that much. It's a tight fit and it's very uncomfortable but I'm too disappointed in myself to react to it. "You didn't even want to look me in the eye earlier..." He says with a pissed attitude. He quickly pulls out, snatches my pants from around my ankles, picks my legs up and flips me to my back on his desk. He then plunges back all the way in and this time I moan. "How does your first man taste?" He asks.

"Aah~" Is all I can reply.

"You like it don't you? You've wanted to be like this, under me for a while now right?" He asks thrusting into me. My moans get louder as my head flies back causing me to see the things behind my head upside down. He slides his hand into my hair, gently, caressingly at first, then he yanks my head back straight, by my forelocks.

"Ow." I moan. This conflicting feeling of regret, pain, and pleasure leave me unable to say anything. I'm upset that this feels so good, but at the same time I love it. The pain is dull compared to the pleasure, and the regret is the most dominant emotion. I should be stronger.

"Look at me." He says. I look to the left of him. "Look at me." He demands more sternly. My eyes slowly settle upon him. Those cold grey eyes staring down at me, I swear it's like something from that movie father and I watched in my dorm but that was two females and they weren't having sex. My stomach balls up and I begin to cum while being swallowed whole by those grey eyes. I'm incapable of breaking the eye contact. "I'm thrusting into you deeper than anyone has ever been. Had God ever done such a thing for you? You can feel me can't you?" He asks emphasizing his thrusts. Saliva drips freely from my mouth and Levi's hand slides around my penis, stroking it in rhythm with his hard thrusts. "Has he ever quenched this incurable thirst of yours? Everything is expanding because I'm getting closer to my own orgasm. If you don't know anything else remember this," Levi says as I shut my eyes again, my eyebrows upturned, mouth hanging open. "You can feel me just as easily as I can feel you. There is absolutely 0 percent of proof or confirmation of God's existence, but me, you can see me. Look at me." He says and I look back up at him as my penis spurts again.

"S-stop." I whisper, his thrust crackling against me, the sound of his thighs colliding with my butt actually resembling thunder, his warm fingers around my limp penis. I can't bare this while looking into his eyes.

Levi touches his own penis for a moment then brings his hands up to around my knees. Red fluid glistens on his fingertips. "Don't try to avoid me, or ignore me, or ignore your body. I will seek you out and bend you right back over this desk and remind you. There is no god, and if you want one to believe in so badly, I'll be your god." He says. He silently gives me six punishing thrusts that have me whimpering on the desk and then I feel him shoot. He sighs, slowly wiping the sweat off of his forehead.

I reach down to my butthole to gather more blood and my mouth hangs wide open when I feel the gaping hole.

"Ha, don't worry it will go back to normal in a couple of minutes." He says standing back from me. "Thank goodness I didn't eject that much. That would be a mess." He says walking to the door.

I slowly sit up, my hips, my shaking legs, my insides, everything hurts. I look towards the door and Levi is still standing there. He's looks so cool leaning against the left side of the doorway. "You're still here?" I ask. He nods once and watches me get dressed.

"You can skip out on practice today if you want." He says walking down the hall with me. He briefly looks over at me to find me staring at him. "What are you staring at?" He asks.

"Why me?" I ask him.

"Can I have a few more nouns and verbs to work with?" He asks.

"Why do you do these things with me?" I ask.

He looks up at me. "You mean sex?" He asks.

I cringe at the word. "Yes." I say.

"I don't know really," he says. "Just seemed natural." He adds. A hot tear rolls down my cheek. He stares at me for a moment and the next thing I know, my back is against the lockers and Levi's forearm is roughly pressing into my chest. He brings his face really close to mine and I'm paralyzed. His lips softly brush over mine until they press against mine firmly. He releases my surprised body and turns away from me. "Let that be enough for now, Eren." He says walking down the hall. My eyes follow him in bewilderment. My face is so hot and I feel like smiling. I can't fight it, the urge is so strong. My lips bend in a smile as I walk to my dorm.

He kissed me. That wasn't even something I asked for, yet he did that for me. Say, why do people kiss? Was he showing me affection? No, don't think like that, then your heart will start racing and your cheeks will get red.

When I get into my shower all the guilt and shame hits me like a ton of lead and as I've done in the past I curl up in the bottom of the shower and let the water comfort my crying, quivering body.

-  
"Didn't think you'd show up." Bertholdt says as I pass the bench press area.

"Haha, yeah." I say. My tone is dead and Bertholdt notices.

"Bro you look awful, somebody picking on you?" Reiner butts in.

"Nah, I just came here to see where I'm at." I say. I briefly look over my shoulder to see Levi sitting on the floor drinking water. After a second or two, he looks up at me and just stares. My heart rate, I can feel it increasing and although I'm standing still, sweat is pouring from me like I'm running.

"Man you okay?" Reiner asks. I turn over to look at him.

"Fine." I say walking over to the pull-up bar. I jump up on it using Levi's technique and begin immediately. One, chin over the bar, two, three, hands further apart, four, five, six, seven, chin over the bar, eight, nine, ten, eleven, 90 degree angles, twelve, thirteen, fourteen. My hands slip on my sweat and I fall to the ground. Now, what did I get last time? Ten. So I'm getting better. If I didn't get so sweaty I could've done better.

I feel a gust of wind on my neck and I turn around expecting Levi, but no one is there. Maybe I just wanted him to see my success. I look over at him and he's removing his sweaty white t-shirt and sliding on his black gloves. His familiar kick-ass begins on the punching bag and his "Guh!" Noises makes me shudder. Those are the same grunts he made while pummeling into me. I'm still sore.

By the end of the meeting I was able to do twenty five consecutive pull-ups and I'm very proud of myself. I only wish Levi had been watching. I walk past him and out of the gym door, not even looking up at him. "Hey," he says. My groin stirs and it makes me sick. My body's so used to that voice, that it immediately associates it with sex and his voice goes straight to my penis. Goosebumps rise all over my skin and I can feel air blowing on the hairs standing straight up on the back of my neck.

"Yeah?" I reply, stopping in my tracks.

"Good job over there. How many did you get, 20?" He asks.

His deep voice, I can feel the vibrations of his voice on my penis. He turned me into this foul creature. He turned me into this sex-crazed beast and there's no going back. I'm going straight to hell and it's this man's fault. "I did 25." I reply. We walk out of the gym and the school looks so empty.

"Oh, good job." He says, his hand coming down on my shoulder. He frowns at me as I flinch at his touch. "Eren," he calls searching for my eyes. I look at him. "Sometime next week, I want you to stay after class." He says turning to the gym doors and locking it.

I turn around and start down the hall. How could he still be trying to have sex with me? Isn't three times enough?

"Eren, I'm sure you're thinking three times is enough. It's not though." Levi says and I stop walking. "I won't ever get tired or bored with you. Next week and the week after that, and the week after that and every week. We should do it at least once a week." He says walking in the opposite direction.

I feel that all too familiar burning stir in my groin as I walk back to my dorm.

I feel so defeated and flush at the same time. I lay in my bed and l look up at the ceiling as usual. Jesus I'm so confused, so very confused. The path I'm supposed to follow is so clear to me, yet why is it slipping away? I feel as though I'm reaching for it with all my might, stretching my arms to their limits reaching for salvation and all Levi has to do is say a word to me and I unravel. I crumble like a cookie under his touch. What has the sixteen years in my community actually accomplished? I'm supposed to be as strong as my father yet I've already messed up. Lust is that strong, huh?

Why does this have to be so problematic though? Why couldn't I have had a sexual relationship with Mikasa or one of the other... Was it sluts? Why did my body and heart choose a man? Am I processing this correctly or did he actually choose me?

God forgive me this last time. I promise I won't be blinded by lust. I promise.

The next weeks seem like a couple of hours on account of how quickly they pass. Seems like here in a public school the time moves faster. It's December. I haven't been avoiding Levi either, I'm so happy that it seems like we have a healthy student/teacher relationship. I feel like I'm back loyal to The Lord and it makes life a little easier and has stopped 99 percent of my stress. He said a couple of weeks ago that he wouldn't touch me because of this big fitness competition thing coming up in two weeks. He also said that once it's over he and I would have a healthy sexual relationship. I responded by not responding. I got my pull-ups to 54 consecutives and 48 in one minute. Levi seems to be proud of me. He lightly caresses me and touches me more than natural but that's better than going at it.

Now it's the last class of the day and Levi is strutting around in the front of the class. The kid behind me throws a piece of paper, aiming for someone's desk but it falls in the middle of Levi's pace-space.

"What's this?" He says bending over. It could be his pants but Levi's butt looks really... Firm today. My stomach stirs a little, then as if I've been dropped from a hundred feet, my stomach rises and does a backflip, then a feeling I haven't felt in a while returns as a spurt of fluid seeps out of my penis. I put my hands over my lap and realize I'm rock hard, just from seeing his butt in a pair of tight pants.

"You look troubled Eren." Levi says walking to my seat.

"N-no sir." I reply. His eyes glint as he looks at my twitching hands on my lap.

"Oh." He says. I flinch and make a weird noise when Levi sits on top of my desk. He's so close... This is the closest he's been to me in a month and my penis somehow knows it. I whimper softly as I try to calm all of my organs down. "The last minutes of class I yield to watching this stupid Christmas movie I'm sure most of you have already seen." He says. The class cheers in response and the lights flick off. It's pretty dark in this room, especially with the shaded blinds.

"Can we move seats?" The kid behind me asks. Sweat drips down my face.

"Sure." Levi responds and I'm the first to get up and move. I sit in the chair in the back of the classroom. Now let's see what I can do about this... On the floor in front of me I can see Levi's shoes, I follow them up to his slim waist, then to his face.

"Levi." I whisper.

"Shhh." He whispers. "I'll take care of you."

"N-not here." I whine as I stroke my penis through my pants like a kitten. It doesn't help, nothing helps. I'm so frustrated.

"They aren't going to look Eren." He whispers getting on his knees beside me. "Just sit there and look forward. Watch the movie." He says. He unbuttons my pants and unzips them instantly freeing my dick. "It's already halfway there Eren, what made you so hot?" He asks and I can feel his breath on my slickness. "It was me wasn't it?... Answer me." He demands.

"Y-yes." I whisper.

"Oh, that's good." He says lifting his hand up to my mouth. He opens it in a strange way, with his thumb and pointer finger far away from each other and he puts the skin in between those two fingers against my lips. "Bite down." He instructs and I comply, gently biting on his skin. The ferocity of the bite increases in a split second as he swallows my entire length. Too bad that I immediately begin to cum. The muscles in my face are strained to the death as I try not to make a sound. I can hear my own soft muffled moans as Levi continues to bob up and down on me. When he's done he leaves for about five seconds and comes back with a chair. "You were good." He says. I can't help looking into his mouth as he speaks, seeing lines of cum laced saliva connect to his top and bottom row of teeth before slowly breaking. "Oh man Eren, it's not done yet." He says looking into my lap. I look down and my quivering penis still has it's shape.

"W-what?" I say in confusion.

"Three weeks is a long time to be depraved of something you crave." He says. He sits next to me and wraps his fingers around my erection pumping it slowly. His hand on me sounds like the stirring of macaroni and I'm whimpering like a wounded animal. I lean my head on his shoulder as he continues his play around with the most sensitive part on my body. "Has it really been three weeks since someone's touched you like this? You're awfully obedient. You usually put up more of a fight. Or have you finally realized," he whispers. "I'm the only god you need?" I moan out quietly as my penis jerks up and shoots into Levi's hand.

"Levi?" I call breathlessly.

"Hm?"

"Please, can you do that thing again?" I ask peeling my cheek off of his shoulder and turning to look at him.

"This?" He asks as he pinches the tip of my penis. It emits a hardly contained moan from me. Then he yanks my penis a few times as if he's trying to pull it from my body. The moans are getting harder and harder to stifle. "I'll stop, don't need you getting hard again." He says letting me go. I fix my pants and look around to see if anyone had seen anything. Levi was right, no one saw or suspected anything.

"That wasn't what I was asking you to do for me." I say looking him in the eye.

"The bell's gonna ring. Better tell me what you want quick." He warns.

"I want you to kiss me, like you did before." I say right before the bell rings.

He smiles. "Remind me after practice." He says standing up and moving his chair back where he found it. I can't tell, but is this all a game for him?

I don't know who to be loyal to anymore. I was clinging onto my faith desperately this whole time, but how could something that feels so good be a sin? Then Levi, what is his motive? What is he really after? I doubt he wants to pursue a relationship other than strictly sexual with me. That's the thing though... Why me? Most importantly is this really okay? I mean the feelings that are blossoming like a flower, the feelings deep within me that I would rather not have the light shone on, are those feelings okay to have or is it safe to leave those buried within the depths of my personality?


	7. Chapter 7

I've been reduced to twenty pull-ups again. Of course now that Levi's watching me I'm completely incapable. "You're left handed?" He asks.

"Right." I reply.

"Right you are, or right you're right?" He asks.

"Wai- what?" I ask in complete confusion.

He puts his palm up to his face and sighs deeply. Why is he so annoyed? What he said made no sense. "Are you right or left handed?" He asks. The bass in his voice is extremely thick.

"Right." I say nodding.

"Okay then. Why do you give more work to your left arm then?" He asks. I frown. "Get up there." He barks. I hop back onto the bar and just hang in my ready position with my legs bent and ankles crossed behind them. "Well what have I told you? The muscles in your arm are working even as you just hang there." He says. I bend my arms and clench my teeth just as my muscles clench. "That's a lovely face Eren... Just brutal." He says and I sigh in relief because he cracked a joke which means he shouldn't be that angry with me. It appears sighing affects the muscles and I almost fall off of the bar. Levi quickly grabs the uppermost part of my thighs, the bottom of my butt and holds me to the bar. "Careful." He grunts as I retake the bar.

"Sorry." I mutter.

"Focus." He says and I proceed to do my pull-ups. 1,2,3, arms further apart, 9,10,11, higher, chin over the bar, 17,18, 19- no that one doesn't count, chin over the bar, 19, 20- crap again. I fall down and Levi doesn't catch me.

"Stop pretending to be so weak." He says.

"What do you mean?" I ask. Why does he always target me like this? I look up at him and he's glaring down at me with disappointment.

"You did 54 before right? Why can't you do it again? We already know it's physically possible... Because you've done it before. So the issue has to be mental." He says.

"Are you calling me mental?" I ask standing to my feet.

His mouth leans on one side and one of his eyebrows curl in disgust. "Tch, Is that what I said?" He asks.

"N-no." I say.

"Okay then. Get back up there. And we're not leaving until you get 54 or better." He says.

Time passes and people start to leave as I finally get 47. I almost fall afterwards and Levi supports my dismount with his strong hand on my back. "Good boy. You're almost there. Try again." He says.

I nod and hop back onto the pull-up bar. I gasp when I feel a rough slap on my bottom. "Sir!" I yell.

"I change my mind about sir, call me Levi." He says.

"I'm trying to do pull-ups-"

"Don't lose your temper Eren. Your muscles are working themselves," He says and I quickly begin to lift my body. "You don't need to get so hyper, we've already done it for the week." He says.

"That counted-"

"Stop talking Eren. Do your pull-ups... Of course that counted, but I took responsibility remember? I said I'd take care of you when you needed it, since I made it so you won't be able to cum unless I help you." Levi says. "For me to deny you would be cruel." He says.

51, 52, 53, arms further apart, 54, 55, 56, suck in that stomach but remember to breathe, 57-

"Eren how many have you done so far. I lost count." Levi asks.

"58." I say. I do another pull up then I turn to look at him with wide, proud, eyes.

"No, no, no, keep going." Levi says but it's too late. My arms fail me and Levi catches me like a bride or something, then quickly sits me on my feet. "Ugh! You idiot, you had it!" He says in excited frustration. What a strange mix of emotions.

"I beat my old record." I say.

"World record is 67. I think you could probably even beat that." He says. I smile.

"You really think that?" I ask.

"I think so, kid." He says giving my shoulder two rough pats. I know I'm blushing horribly. "I want to ask you a question, you don't have to answer though." He says sliding his hand off of my shoulder.

"Okay." I say in intense confusion.

"What are your..." He says before pausing and squinting his eyes in thought. "How do you..." He pauses again. "Never mind." He says walking ahead of me. I frown as I try to think of the unending possibilities of phrases that could finish his clauses. "Don't make that face unless you want to look like me before it's your time." He says looking back at my face.

"You-" I stop myself from saying something stupid as I catch up with him. "You look great for your age. How old are you?" I ask.

"Wow you ask a man for dick and you don't even know his age? For shame Eren, for shame." He says. My lips drop in an upside down open-mouthed smile and Levi squints at my face before chuckling softly. For reasons I'd rather not think about my insides stir again. Jesus, you must hate me now.

"I never asked-"

"Yes you did. Every time we've done it I've asked you if it was what you really wanted. Every time we've done it, you basically begged me to help you cream." He says with a drinker's laugh.

"Stop. Stop making fun of me." I say clutching the fabric over my heart angrily. He opens the door for me and when I walk out of it he turns to it and locks it.

 "All right, all right. I think it's a good thing though. You're growing up, listening to yourself, doing what you want, it's good. Anyways really, how old do you think I am?" He asks. He turns to face me and stares into my eyes. I stare down into his eyes and let the storm carry me away. The temperature in the hallway could be compared to the African Savannah. My breath catches in my throat as a light blush appears on Levi's cheeks. "Hey," he says quietly. "Get that stupid look off of your face." He says taking a step past me.

"Wait." I say grabbing his wrist.

"Let me go." He says not allowing me to see his face.

"N-no. I'm not-"

"Don't look at me." He says.

"I know, I'm not. It's just that... Today in class... You promised me-"

"Oh, something like that? You remembered haha." He says.

"Y-yes." I say nodding. He continues to hide his face between his shoulder and a locker.

"Okay then. You sure you still want it?" He asks.

"Yes." I reply releasing his wrist.

"Alright then close your eyes." He says still facing the locker. I close my eyes and wait. "They closed?" He asks.

"Yes." As soon as the "S" passes my teeth, I'm pushed against the locker and I open one of my eyes slightly. Levi moves his face, tinted pink, towards mine and his hand wraps around the back of my neck.

"Open your mouth." He whispers, I can feel the heat of his face approaching my own. "You still want it right?" He breathes onto my lips. I shut my eye as I open my mouth.

"Yes." I say. Levi puts his lips on mine, but it's not like the first time, his bottom lip is inside of my mouth. Then we switch, and he sucks my bottom lip into his mouth.

"Keep up." He says breathlessly.

"I'm trying-"

"Shut up." He says placing his lips back onto mine. I grab his lower and upper back, pulling him closer to me as he slowly slides his tongue into my parted lips. His tongue slides over each one of my teeth in the bottom part of my jaw, then Levi starts to lick my tongue. His tongue lures mine out and he begins to suck on it until I can't breathe. I rip my head to the side and pant heavily. I let my eyes resettle upon him and they find saliva leaking from his mouth to his chin. "And who said it was over?" He asks. He moves his face towards mine and I turn my face to the other side. Grabbing my hair and sliding a leg in between mine, Levi's lips captures mine once again. My hands brace each of his shoulders as he invades my mouth with his tongue, painting the walls of my mouth with his saliva. Then he gives me two more traditional kisses before biting my bottom lip and stretching it. When he releases my lip, he and I both stare at each other. "Happy?" He asks and I nod. We release each other and he starts down the hall. "Two weeks Jaeger. The competition is in two weeks." He says holding up two fingers.

"Okay coach." I yell down the hall.

"You, don't call me that. You call me Levi." He yells back.

I don't start walking in my direction until I can't see Levi anymore. When I plop down onto my bed I can't help but smile. Why do I feel so special? I feel so warm inside and my lips are tingling. My heart's beating so fast. What kind of a feeling is this?

I'm happy that I fall asleep and my last thought is of Levi. I have a dream about my father. When is he coming to visit anyway? Wait, I was supposed to visit them. Oh well, I'll do that this weekend.

Then another dream starts. I'm in my bathroom and I had apparently just got out of the shower seeing as there is a towel wrapped around my lower half. I walk into my bed room and Levi's there. My stomach leaps in excitement. I find that funny because that actually happens to me in real life.

"What are you doing here?" I ask in a rushed tone.

Levi thinks for a moment and takes slow steps towards me.

"Well, I came to see you." He says standing shoe to toe with me. 

I can feel the dream starting to break as my eyes in real life unconsciously begin to flutter open. No, I want to see the rest. I lay down in darkness and wait for the dream to resume.

"Well, I came to see you." He says folding his arms over his chest.

"Well here I am." I say.

That's not something I'd actually say. My dream rewrites the scene.

"F-for what?" I say taking a step backwards.

"It's been a week." He says taking another step closer to me.

I back away once more. "But we did it two days ago." I say as my back hits a wall.

"But today is Sunday," he says and there's a nasty crunch when he takes a step forward. What did he step on? He walks closer to me, trapping me, but that's fine right? I want to be in this situation. He lifts his hand to my lower stomach and drags it down to the knot on my towel, the knot that keeps the towel around my waist. I grab his wrist and just hold it.

"My hips... And my back-"

"And your knees too?" He asks and I nod. "I see." He says but he still unties the towel.

"No." I moan tightening my grip on his wrist.

"No? What do you mean, no?" He asks looking up into my eyes.

"I mean I have to pee." I say. "Really bad." I add. Why am I lying? I want him to throw me on the bed and "make me cream." Why am I stalling?

"Go." He says and I slide past him, holding the towel to my waist, and walk into the bathroom. I gasp as Levi follows me in and leans on the sink. "What? Go ahead." He says staring at me intently.

"B-but I can't if you're watching." I say. He'll catch me in my lie. I don't have to pee.

"Don't tell me you're embarrassed now." He says walking up to me. I turn away from him and face the wall behind the toilet. I feel the cool air everywhere as he snatches the towel from my body. "Don't make noises like that Eren, or you're going to force me to take you in here." He says and I can feel his body heat right behind me.

"S-sorry." I say.

"Aren't you going to pee?" He asks.

"Oh yes." I say staring at the wall.

"Need help?" Levi asks and I can feel his breath on my shoulder. I shudder. One of his hands lands on my hip and slowly creeps forward, wrapping around my penis and aiming it at the toilet. "Well what are you waiting for? Let it out." He says shaking my penis. I moan at every shake.

"Stop." I whisper.

"Oh so you don't have to pee? You were just lying." He says. He slowly slides his hand up and down the legnth of my penis.

"Levi, no." I say placing my hands on the back of the toilet. My breathing deepens. My stomach is in knots and I can feel my penis harden to it's full potential.

"It's hardening. Maybe you weren't lying, if I keep rubbing like this maybe some pee will come out, Hm?" Levi says.

"S-stop. You know what will come out if you keep rubbing." I say through moans. "Ahh~" I moan loudly as I feel my stomach churn.

"Ah, it's here Eren." He says with excitement. "Look." He says but I can't. My eyes are shut too tightly to even try to open. I can feel and hear the first spurt pouring into the toilet and Levi keeps pumping me. "Got anymore?" He asks, then another spurt flows out.

"Ahhh! Jesus!" I shout.

"Jesus?" Levi asks. "So you've finally decided to accept me as your god?" He asks as he continues to mutilate my body. Another stream shoots into the toilet and my legs feel weak. "You being bent over like that just makes me want to-" he cuts himself off as he shoves two fingers up my butt and I instantly wake up.

"Stay up late last night?" Levi asks and a bunch of people laugh.

I'm in the classroom? I don't remember waking up and getting ready for school. I look at the clock. Wow, school started five minutes ago and I already managed to fall asleep.

"I hope you were trying to finish a real wet dream Eren. Fall asleep in here again and you'll never leave lunch detention." Levi says and the class laughs again. I hope my blushing red cheeks are seen as embarrassment. That dream I had last night was great, scary-great, but still great. Oh! I see. Last night I had the first part of the dream and when it was disturbed that's when I must've gotten ready, came to school, and then fall asleep again.

I feel like I should probably say something to him. Maybe I should apologize. "37." I say. I frown. Why did I just say that? Everyone in class frowns.

"What?" Levi asks.

"Are you 37?" I ask.

He giggles. "First, that's completely irrelevant, second, I'm 34, third, please just shut up." He says laughing and shaking his head. I made him laugh.

I'm so happy.


	8. Chapter 8

"Sixteen? What the hell?" Levi asks standing below me.

"Seventeen, eighteen, ugh!" I let go of the bar and jump down to my feet.

"Get back up there you pathetic piece of crap." He says looking up at me angrily. "Pathetic ass, fell asleep in English." He says and then he bends his eyebrows.

"What's wrong?" I ask taking my hands from above my head, and placing them at my side.

"Thinking." He says and his eyes flick to mine. I gasp. I can't bare looking into his eyes. I know my cheeks are probably red.

"Thinking about what?" I ask backing away from him.

"Ways I'm going to punish you." He says and I jump.

"Eh? Punish me?" I ask with legit fear.

"Yes. Who else would I be talking about?" He says pinching my nose and I laugh as I swat his hand away. When I look back up at his face his eyes are open wider than I've ever seen them and his cheeks are a little pink. He rips his eyes away from me. "Well are you going to get up there or what?" He says lowly.

When I jump back onto the bar I complete 50 pull-ups, 43 in one minute.

"Good job. You've gotten stronger." He says. "Let me see those arms." He says reaching for my arms. I hold them out and he grabs my wrists. "Mmmm. They're thicker." He says. He slides his hands up my arms and I just look at his face. His eyelashes are so long and his face is so... "Stop staring at me like that." He says squeezing the area right beneath my shoulder. "Mmmm. Nice." He says nodding in approval. As usual the vibrations from the depth of his voice go straight to my groin.

"Levi?" I say as a question comes to mind.

"What?" He asks looking up into my eyes.

"What's with you and the punching bag? How'd you get so good at it?" I ask.

He looks down at the floor as he slides his hands down my arms, back to his side. "That's a long boring story, don't worry about that." He says turning away from me.

"But-" I say reaching for his hand. He snatches it out of my reach and turns back around to face me. He places his hand on the back of my neck and brings his face close to mine.

"I said..." He says turning his nose the opposite direction of mine as his lips come closer to mine. "... Don't worry about it." He says placing his lips against mine. I instantly forget my question and enjoy these rare moments. If I don't enjoy them, when they slip away from me I'll have regret. This is all just a game right? It is to Levi. When he gets bored with me, wait- he said he'd never get bored with me. Does that mean the game will never end? Or does that mean that this actually isn't a game? That thought makes me smile and Levi moves his face from mine.

"You knew that would shut me up." I say.

"Well why else would I have done that?" He says walking towards the doors.

"You did that because you wanted to, I didn't ask you for that. So now I need to know your motives." I say catching up to him.

"My motives?" He asks with a snort.

"Yes."

"You already know that, don't you? It was simply to shut you up." He says opening the door for me. "You've asked me a few questions." He says stooping over to lock the gym doors. "So now it's my turn." He says turning to face me.

"Okay. Ask me anything." I say folding my arms over my chest.

"Okay, what have you been dreaming about?" He asks staring into my eyes.

"U-um. Why? Why do you even care?" I ask defensively. In the last 24 hours I've had two dreams and they were both the same.

"You seem to be in anguish when you sleep." He says. "So I want to know why." He adds.

I take a deep breath. "It was a dream... And uh you were in it." I say twiddling my thumbs.

"So I was right when I said it was a wet dream huh?" He says and he sounds completely amused.

"W-well it's not like I can control what happens in my dreams." I say in my defense.

"So tell me about it." He says.

"Well it wasn't much-"

"Tell me... About it." He says again, but more sternly.

"Okay! I was in my dorm and I got out of the shower. You were in my bedroom-"

"Why was I in your dorm?"

"Shhh! Let me tell it." I say cutting him off. He seems slightly offended. "Sorry. So we had sex on a Friday and on a Sunday I think... It could have been a Monday... You wanted to do it again. My hips hurt so I didn't want to but you snatched the towel from around my waist anyway. I frantically told you a lie, that I had to pee and you followed me into the bathroom. You came from around me and held me... While I peed." I say and Levi frowns.

"I held you?" He asks. "You mean your penis?" He asks as his face distorts in disgust.

I nod. "So nothing came out, until something did, but it wasn't pee."

"So I made you cream in the toilet." He says smiling a little.

"Yeah and then you shoved two fingers up my butt and I woke up." I say.

"Oh no, you woke up? So it wasn't good for you?" He asks.

"Well, it was surprising and it really hurt." I say.

"Oh, then, I'm sorry." He says followed by an awkward silence. Why would he apologize for something that happened in a dream? That's funny. "Did you yell like the first time when I slid my fingers up inside of you?" He asks and an uncontainable smile spreads across his lips as I just stare at him in silence. "Alright I'm sorry." He says grabbing my shoulder roughly and squeezing firmly for a moment.

Levi and I walk our different directions and in the hall I bump into Jean.

"Hey Jean." I say.

"Hey Eren." Jean says taking deep breaths. "What are you still doing here?" He says putting his hands on his hips. I wattch the sweat slide down his forehead.

"We have a winter competition for fitness." I say nodding.

"Eren, I have something important to ask you." Jean says intensely.

"O-okay?" I say frowning up at him.

"What is your opinion on... A student our age... Having a relationship with a teacher?" He says glaring into my eyes. My eyes widen. How could he know? "Nevermind. Weird question. Eren at some point would it be okay if I told you something?" He asks grabbing both of my shoulders. I nod unemotionally. "Then after I tell you my secret, you should tell me one of yours." He says releasing me. He begins to walk down the hall.

So that question? By that was he talking about himself and a teacher? If so, what teacher would that even be? I place a hand on my stomach and mouth as I visualize Levi, my Levi, riding Jean. Jean rubs his creamy white thighs. He rubs the thighs that I haven't touched, let alone seen yet. That's cheating, Levi can't play more than one character in this game. What is this, multiplayer?

I wince as visualizations like that haunt me the rest of the night.

I'm early to school in the morning.

"Eren, sorry for kissing you." Levi says and I look into his eyes. They're puffy and not as white as they usually are. I stand over his sitting figure at his desk and lean my face closer to his.

"Why?" I ask.

He puts his hand on my face and pushes me back. His pinky dips into my mouth a little. "I'm sick. Get out of my face." He says.

"Happy Friday to you too." I mumble onto his hand.

"Stop pretending to be so young, it's disgusting." He says moving his hand off of my face. I bring my face closer to his wondering if I should steal a kiss or not. "Eren if you try anything-" I shove my face into his and roughly kiss his lips. He smacks me on the bottom as I stick my tongue into his mouth. It's so warm that I shiver from bone to skin. He smacks me harshly two more times before I pull my face back, a trail of saliva following my tongue before breaking and dribbling down my chin. I wipe it off. "You idiot that's too risky." He says looking towards the classroom door. He's right, that was stupid but I couldn't help myself. "Now you're going to get sick. Not too smart." He says closing his big book and looking up into my eyes. "Get to your seat." He says. I scamper over to my seat and shortly after people begin to flood into the classroom like refugees.

The day goes by really slow and we watch videos in most classes. I drag my feet into English. "Welcome everybody. I have a cold so my voice sounds like shit. We're watching a video." Levi says. Everybody groans. "Shut the hell up. Would you guys rather copy a dictionary in silence? Okay I thought so." He says.

The video is so boring, even hell wouldn't be torture compared to it. My goodness, I didn't mean that. God forgive me, if you're still even listening to me. I place my hands together and bow my head. "Father please forgive me for I have sinned. I have sinned and sinned yet you still love me. You show me your grace and mercy by waking me up everyday, though I don't deserve even that. I cannot make a promise that it will not happen again but please give me strength, oh lord. Please strengthen my weak human body. Amen." I mumble to myself. I lift my head and look around to see if anyone heard me, but everyone is half asleep. I feel slightly uncomfortable, like something is gently killing me then I look at Levi. I gasp, finding him already staring at me and I slowly take my hands out of prayer position.

In fitness club he doesn't even come by me once. He sits by his punching bag with his knees up to his chest, his arms folded on top of them, and his head on his arms. I'm only able to complete 40 pull-ups. When it's time to leave everyone just casually walks out and I casually walk towards Levi.

"Um, are you okay?" I ask. I mean, he's been sitting in that same position for a couple of hours.

"I'm fine." He groans not even looking up at me.

"Do you have a headache? Do you need anything?" I ask taking a step closer to him. He peeks up at me and I just stare right into his eyes.

"You were talking to god earlier?" He asks. He picks his head up and uses his arms to help him stand up.

"Y-yes." I say.

"What were you talking about?" He asks.

"Oh, I was praying... Praying for forgiveness." I mutter and he immediately snorts.

"Praying for forgiveness? Why do you choose to live this way? In fear of some entity that's never proved it's existence?" He asks looking extremely confused. "I don't understand it at all."

"Your wrong. He has proven his existence. It's the little miracles in everyday life that-"

"Okay, okay. Save all of that for the church." He says. I look down at him with disgust and he finds that amusing. "Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to offend you." He says walking past me with a little smirk.

"It's... It's fine." I say following him.

"Eren I still feel like shit. I might not be coming to school much next week. You're probably going to be pretty sick too." He says. "You better work hard on that pull-up bar." He says.

"I-I will and tonight, I'll pray for god to show you some mercy. I'll pray that he makes you feel better." I say expecting a cruel atheist joke, but instead, receiving a shudder-worthy pat on the head.

"Thanks, Eren." He says.

The next week has to be the slowest I've ever lived through. It's like when I was a child during the week of standardized testing. The sub is the exact opposite of Levi. She's a real get-in-your-face kind of teacher and it's bugging everybody. During homeroom in the morning, I find it odd that Petra always, as she would say, "borrows" Jean. The way that they look at each other is odd. They give each other bedroom eyes. Could this be Jean's secret? Is he really in a sexual relationship with Petra? More importantly, do Levi and I give each other bedroom eyes? Sure we've had a few encounters, but we don't necessarily like each other. Actually, he doesn't necessarily like me.

In fitness club Bertholdt and Reiner watch over me as each day, from 53 I go up one until I'm at 56, one less than my highest. 

Monday I'm relieved to see Levi sitting at his desk with his big book open. He briefly looks up from it, and his eyes settle upon me. They lower from my eyes, to my lips, down my chest and then back up. "Good morning." I say nodding at him once.

"'Morning. Come here." He says and I walk over to his desk.

"Yes?" I ask looking down into those grey eyes.

"Did you get sick at all?" He asks blinking slowly. His half lidded eyes look so seductive, so passionate. Oh no! It's another week. Could those be bedroom eyes?

"N-no." I reply.

"Oh, that's good. And your pull-ups?" He asks.

"Oh, heh- no progress there." I say with a nervous laugh.

He looks up at me with unamusement. "The competition is this Saturday." He says. "You expect to win, make me proud, prove yourself wrong... If you're unfocused and playing around while I'm gone?" He asks.

"No, I-"

"I always thought I saw a light in you." He says shaking his head.

"I was trying really hard. I was trying my best. The light you saw, it isn't gone." I explain frantically. I'm suffocating in his disappointment.

"Prove it to me today then." He says looking back down into his book. I accept that as my cue to go to my seat. Everyone looks so relieved when they walk in and see Levi.

I decide to eat lunch in Levi's classroom today. "Ah, Eren." He says as I walk in. "Go to the lounge and get my lunch." He says giving me a five dollar bill. "Buy me a water."

"Okay." I say and I run down to the teachers lounge. As I'm leaving I hear voices on the other side of the door. Some people are talking in the hall. I stop in the process of twisting the doorknob open.

"... Okay?" Says a male voice. That voice sounds so familiar.

"Jean, I won't let you. You're the one I want to be with." A lady whispers. Ah, that voice is Jean's.

"My parents almost found out at the last race. You're too obvious." He says.

"I'm sorry. I just can't help how in love I am with you. Don't you understand at least that?" The lady asks. That lady sounds like Petra.

"If we break it off now, we save you from all sorts of risks. You could get into trouble. If you loved me, you'd wait two more years for me... When I'm 18." Jean stresses.

"That's ridiculous. We know we're in love now. If we were really in love, then we'll feel the same way we do in two minutes, and in two years." She pleads.

"That proves my point." Jean says and then I hear his footsteps down the hall. Shortly after, the click-clacking of her heels, I hear her chasing him.

I twist open the door and sprint up the stairs. I bump into Mikasa.

"Aren't you eating with us?" She asks frowning at me.

"Oh, I have lunch detention." I lie.

"Damn. Sucks. What are you in for?" She asks.

"Well," I say scratching my scalp. "You see I'm in the fitness club and I didn't beat my record of 57 consecutive pull-ups so..." I trail off.

"57? Wow, that's a lot." Mikasa says wrapping her baby-soft fingers around my bicep. "So strong." She says flirtatiously. My face feels really hot. With her so close to me, I can't help but look at her chest. There aren't any buttons actually buttoned on her shirt and my face feels hotter as I allow my eyes to follow her cleavage. Why am I sweating so much? I make an odd noise, it sounded like a mixture of a gasp and moan and she presses her body against mine. Her chest rubs against my upper stomach and her thighs close around one of my legs. "Eren you're a nervous wreck." She says, her face coming closer to mine.

"R-really?" I ask. If it weren't for the wall behind me, I'm sure I would've fallen.

"Mm-hm." She says. I shut my eyes tightly as her lips come near mine, then I feel her breath directly on my ear. "Tell me virgin-boy, has a girl ever been this close to you?" She asks. I laugh gently inside. Virgin-boy? I wish I were.

"Yes." I say. Sasha kissed my cheek before, when no one was looking. Her fingers glide up my arms and I drop Levi's lunch and water.

"You're as red as a tomato." She says with a soft laugh. Every time she speaks it's as if she's purposely spouting out carbon dioxide. The heat of her breath against my ear stirs my insides. Her central sex organ is giving off so much heat, that my thigh is shaking. "The fact that you're so embarrassed right now, it turns me on." She says giving my earlobe a firm lick. I can't help but moan wantonly as my fingers curl against the brick of the wall. She laughs as she peels herself off of me. "We should meet up for some alone time soon. I can show you incredible things." She says walking down the hallway and stairs.

As I turn towards Levi's hallway I see him walk back into his classroom. What the heck? How would he react if he saw something like that?

I quickly pick his lunch up off of the floor and sprint to his classroom. "Here." I say panting heavily as I place his lunch and water on his desk in front of him. I dig in my pocket and slam his change onto the desk.

"Wow, Eren. Took you long enough." He says. I nod and walk to my seat. "But," he says. Oh god, here it comes. "Why are you breathing so hard?" He asks.

"I ran here because I was taking too long." I say slowly regaining oxygen.

"Hmph. Is that right?" He asks rhetorically. He saw, I know he did. Why is he playing games? He twists open his water and stares at me in a dangerous, predatory way. "Tell me everything." He says and there's that half lidded expression again. "Don't make me have to tell you again."

"Okay well I was walking up the stairs... Oh my goodness I don't know. It all happened so fast." I say pressing my hand to my forehead.

"Do you want me to bend you over this desk Eren?" He asks calmly. He closes the cap to his water and sits the whole thing on the floor. "You know I will." He says looking deep into my eyes. It burns.

"I really don't remember. I was... I was walking up the stairs and I bumped into her..." I trail off. I can't think. I feel like I'm under the thickest pressure.

Levi abruptly stands up and swipes the few pencils and papers off of his desk. I gulp as he quickly walks over to me, stopping in front of my desk. "Stand up." He says. Like a soldier I immediately rise to my feet. "Do you like that little slut?" He asks crossing his arms over his chest.

"Levi, come on. I don't like her. I like you." I admit. Wait-

"Aww that's cute." He says grabbing my arm. He drags me over to his desk.

"Wait- no. I'm telling the truth." I say as he slams my head and chest down to the surface of his desk. "Ahh! Levi, listen to me." I plead.

"I already tried that, remember?" He says stroking the fabric of my pants over my butt. "Don't worry, you're gonna like this." He says roughly unbuttoning my pants.

"Wait!" I shout.

"Keep your voice down." He says dropping my clothes to my ankles. "Now," he says, stroking a side of my butt with his hand. "Just relax." He says stroking my hole with his finger. Then I feel two fingers stroking the puckered hole and I panic.

"I thought- I thought she was cute!" I shout.

"Hm?" He questions and his fingers stop moving. I can't even see him from here, that makes this all the more scary.

"I don't like her in any way. I just thought she had a cute face." I say.

He snorts. "You expect me to believe that?" He asks pushing on his fingers a little so they threaten to enter the tight ring of muscle.

I hold my breath. "Okay! I liked her a little. Not as much as I like you though." I say and his fingers, the small portion he squeezed in, he retracts. I exhale.

"That's what I thought. So what happened out there?" He asks.

"I accidentally bumped into her and she got really close to me. That's it." I say, but did I forget anything? His fingers threaten to enter me again. "I'm telling the truth!" I shout. He ignores me and continues to push in his fingers. "A-aah! Aaaah! Levi. I'm telling- AAH!" I shout as he sinks his two fingers into me to the last knuckle. His other hand touches my ear. That's right my ear is wet, she licked it. "So why is your ear wet? You're leaving parts out." He says threatening to push his ring finger in as well. My breathing quickens, almost like hyperventilation.

"Wait! I just remembered. She licked my ear and rubbed... Her lady parts on my leg." I say.

He slides a third finger in anyway and I tightly grip the desk as I silently scream. He turns his fingers around inside of me like a guy with his key in the ignition of a car that won't start. "How was it? Did you like the way it all felt?" He asks.

"Mm- hah, hah, hah. It was warm." I pant.

"So you prefer someone like that over me?" He asks and he begins to roughly thrust his fingers deep inside of me.

"AH!" I shout every time he thrusts.

"You should be grateful. I've been so generous to you. I've offered you my training, my skill, and my body, but you still want more. Do you even pity me a little?" He asks. My eyes water to a degree in which everything just looks like a blob of colors.

He suddenly curls his fingers upward and I scream in ecstasy as the bell rings. "You don't want to make me feel this way again Eren." He says. So even Levi gets jealous? Among all of the emotions I have right now, the most surprising is happiness. He actually cares enough about me to get jealous.

"You should've just given me time to think." I say.

"So you're going to ignore me again?" He asks. "Because now you're mad?" He adds looking at me from the doorway, as I pull up my pants.

"Well, I'm upset with you, but I'm not mad. I understand the way you feel because you like me right?" I ask.

The question seems to catch him off guard. "Would it make you happy if I said that?" He asks.

"Yes." I say with too much enthusiasm.

"Oh, I see." He says. "What is that?" He asks. I turn around and look at his desk. A thick white fluid runs down the side.

"This is- I must have..." I trail off too embarrassed to say the rest.

Levi takes a few steps closer to his desk and frowns. "That's your-"

"I know." I say purposely cutting him off and looking down.

"That's kind of funny Eren." He says with snickering.

"Hey!" I yell as I approach him. He grabs my wrists and holds me to the wall by the door. "You always make fun of me." I say and he surprises me when he settles his lips onto mine. It's as if there's no gravity and we're floating through space and time. Why? Why do I feel like crying tears of joy? It's just a kiss. He pulls away first and clears his throat as the halls fill with people.

The rest of the day I'm on cloud nine.

"Rich fuck." Some guy I don't even know says to me on my way to English, yet I'm still smiling. I stare at Levi for the entire hour, not even listening to a word he's saying. Every time he catches me staring he loses his train of thought and turns pink. If it weren't for Mikasa, I probably never would've seen the jealous Levi, or the crushing, cute, and embarrassed Levi.

After school I'm surprised that I beat Levi to the gym. When he finally shows up everyone cheers. They welcome him back and after he smiles and chats a little that mood burns up. Everyone gets down to business and I can tell play time is over. Levi doesn't even come by me. He gives the punching bag his undivided attention. So these are the five days before the competition? They're as scary as I thought. Levi and I already have our weekly sexual act out of the way, so that's one less thing to worry about. I take a deep, unapologetic breath and then I hop onto the pull-up bar. One, two, three, what was Mikasa thinking today? Ten, eleven- woa, arms further apart, eleven, twelve, Levi was pretty scary during lunch. Twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, then Levi became really cute. Forty-eight, forty-nine, he actually likes me. Fifty-two, fifty-three, don't hold your breath but keep that stomach tucked. Fifty-five, today was proof enough. No, don't smile, fifty-six, no that didn't count. Chin above the bar. My sweaty hands finally give out.

The rest of the week plays out pretty much exactly like this, except for Levi stuffing his fingers inside of me and then it is finally Saturday. Bertholdt sits by me on the bus.

"Can't you feel the butterflies?" He asks.

"Yeah." I say nodding. I look over my seat as Levi steps onto the bus. He looks back at me, into my eyes with that nonchalant expression he wears so well. Is he tired, bored, or has he just seen it all before? I wonder about him.

We stare at each other for a while and his eyes fall half lidded. No, don't look at me like that. I can't handle his bedroom eyes. The butterflies of nervousness double, and I doubt they are due to more nervousness. He blinks away from me and takes his seat.

Bertholdt and Reiner talk me through the hour bus ride to the college the competition is held in and I'm like a kid in a candy store when I walk inside. There's aesthetic bodies, metal tools, and people everywhere. The ceilings are so high and the bleachers surround the entire room. Levi walks up behind me.

"You look like an excited puppy." He says giving me a rough slap on the back.

"Ow!" I say rubbing my back.

"There's your bar, Eren." Levi says using his head to motion over to it and I turn to him and smile, nodding my head frantically. "Wow you really are excited." He says, his eyes widening at me.

"Come on!" I say grabbing his hand and leading him over to the pull-up bar.


	9. Chapter 9

There are more. There's a whole row of pull-up bars behind the one I saw from a distance. They aren't connected to a wall like they are in the school gym, they just hang sturdily from the ceiling here. I let go of Levi's wrist as I ready myself to jump onto it.

"Okay, I'm going to find the punching bag. Shit I wish we didn't come so early, you know it's ten o'clock, and the competition starts seven p-"

"No don't leave me." I say turning to face him.

"What are you, a baby?" He asks.

"I don't want to be alone." I say.

"The point of us getting here so early is so you can see the equipment and get familiar with it... And also the main reason is to get you to focus." He says putting his hands on his hips.

"You're not a distraction. Actually, you motivate me to-"

"Cut the bull crap Eren." He says and then his eyebrows curl. "So that must be it. You're pretty cunning Eren." He says.

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

"You've created this illusion that you need me in order to succeed. Yes, that makes sense because when I don't stand underneath you, you can't even beat your old record. When I'm right under you, then you exceed." He says.

I nod. "You think it's an illusion?" I ask.

"Yes I do. It's just another one of those things you've forced into your brain." He says.

"I think I need you there because you're the most support I've received at this school. I don't even think you know how smart you are or how good your advice is." I say taking an innocent step closer to him.

"What are you thinking, hitting on me in a place like this?" He asks and I can tell he wants to smile.

"I-I wasn't hitting on-"

"And of course I know how smart I am, that's why I'm a teacher. Anyways take advantage of the fact that I'm right here, get started." He says. I nod and jump onto the bar. "Form, Eren." He barks and I lock my ankles together. "Arms further apart." He says and I fix those too. "Remember to keep that stomach tucked and breathe at the same time." He says. "Get down." He mutters shaking his head. I jump down already knowing what I did wrong. "I've told you this too many times before. As soon as you jump up there you have to get started. If you sit there for even five seconds, you wasting valuable muscle that can be used to get you another pull-up. The world record is 67 consecutives, you got 57 so I know you can..." Levi trails off as he sees me watching a guy as buff as Reiner walk to the pull-up bar next to me.

"How yah doin'?" He says as he notices my staring. I simply smile.

"Eren." Levi says and he snaps his fingers in my face a few times. "Don't worry about the competition, focus on you." He says and I turn my attention back to him.

"You're right." I say and he nods.

"Of course I am now get back up there." He says. Before I get back on I take another look at the buff guy and he is absolutely shredding on the bar and he does them really fast. "Don't worry about him Eren, the only difference between you two is that he doesn't need his coach to babysit him." He says. I believe that was intended to make me feel better but it really didn't.

I jump on the bar again and get started immediately. One, I make sure my chin goes over the bar and then I feel an intense burst of pain in my lower back. It's stings so bad that I just let go of the bar which causes my chin to hit it and me to flatten on the floor. I just look up at the ceiling fans as Levi tries to pick me up. "They're laughing at you Eren. Get up." Levi says. I slowly stand back onto my feet and people in the crowd are looking at me.

"You okay rookie?" The buff guy says approaching Levi and I.

"Fine, thanks." I say and he nods and walks away.

"What the hell happened up there?" Levi asks frowning at me like he can't understand a thing about me.

"My back... I got a cramp." I explain.

"Get down and stretch." He says and I slowly take a seat on the floor. "Lazy, lazy, lazy." He says shaking his head. After stretching for a while he gently kicks my thigh. "Okay last chance to impress me. I have to check out one of the bags." He says looking over, so far in the opposite corner of the room, at the punching bags.

"Okay," I say. "I will." Right before I jump onto my bar, the buff guy returns and hops onto his. I gulp, lifting my chin above the bar. Ten, twenty, then failure. Why? Why can't I do it? Levi's here, where I want him right? So why can't i do it? Levi helps me to my feet. "You keep going at it until the opening ceremony." He says. He turns away from me and starts down the gymnasium's middle. After that every time I try I don't even pass 40. Levi gets so much attention as he pounds on his punching bag, the crowd seems to feed off of his vibe like parasites. It's too distracting. This buff guy always, always jumps on the bar as soon as I do, purposely trying to psyche me out and oh boy is it working.

The introduction ceremony is long and brutal. They call every school and name each member of the school's fitness club, followed by an Emmy-worthy speech for the closing remarks.

It's two o'clock when everything is over, then there is a thirty-minute meet and greet. All of these people who supposedly excel at pull-ups find a vast interest in me. I meet about ten people who pull-up, three bench pressers, and then I call it quits. I feel the pressure, I'm buried in the thickest of pressures. My nerves are now on end and my confidence is so low right now. All the crowd clears out of the bleachers and the participants get back to warming up.

"Eren." Levi says as his hand roughly comes down on my shoulder.

"Eh? Levi?" I ask turning to face him.

"Eren, how many did you get?" He asks meeting my gaze with a strange look in his eyes. It's as if he knows I'm going to lie.

"Um.. 55." I say scratching my scalp nervously.

"Oh, 55?" He says nodding in disbelief. The buff guy walks past me and purposely bumps my shoulder.

"Good luck pipsqueak." He says with an obnoxious laugh. I ball my fists.

"Show me then. You better get 55 or higher." Levi says regaining my attention and relaxing me to some degree. We walk back over to the pull-up bar and it seems so high up. When did it become so high? "Well?" Levi says staring at me as if I had just done something completely odd. I take a deep unsteady breath and look back at Levi who's frown of confusion gets more intense. "I'm still back here. I can't be for the actual competition but I'm here now." He adds. That's right, he can't. Not only do I have to face all of these serious competitors, but my main support won't be there. He's right, I did mentally force myself into thinking that I need him to be there, waiting for me on the ground.

I jump up and catch the bar then immediately, as I was taught, begin to hoist my chin above the bar. I get 46 before I collapse onto the floor. "S-sorry."

"Eren, if I'm not sure that you've done you're absolute best during this competition, on Monday I will keep you at practice until 7pm and work you until you're hot and sweaty." He says giving me a hand.

"I accept that because if I fail you I will be disappointed in myself for a while." I say.

"Eren? What's wrong?" He asks wrapping his fingers around my wrist.

"Nothing." I say. My voice actually does sound broken down. He can tell my spirit is broken. "I should keep practicing." I say sliding my arm out of Levi's grasp. He grabs onto my shirt before I can get close to the pull-up bar.

"Come with me." He says letting me go. "Grab your stuff."

"Are we going somewhere?" I ask and he doesn't answer me. I grab my gym bag and follow him. "Levi?" I ask as we head towards the entrance.

"Don't worry princess, it's not far from here." He says and I frown at the insult. "This was my college back when I was studying to become a teacher." He says.

I smile. Why am I smiling? That's right, this is the first time he's told me something personal about himself. "How long were you in here?" I ask.

He holds the door open for me and I follow him through the campus grounds. "I was in here for eight years... Too afraid to go home, damn it." He curses. I frown as I try to keep up with his speed walking.

"Afraid?" Levi, afraid? That doesn't really make sense. "You were afraid to go to your house? Why?" I ask.

"Wait until we get there." He says and I follow him in silence.

I was expecting for him to lead me to a house but instead we're standing in front of a nursing home. "Where are we?" I ask.

"A nursing home." He says walking in and I follow.

"Hello Levi." The lady at the desk says as soon as she sees him.

"Can I have the key please, I'm kind of in a rush." He says and the lady and I frown at his rudeness.

"Erm.. Okay." She says opening a drawer and digging through it. Fourth floor room D/7." She says handing him a small key with a smile.

Oh my goodness. Am I about to meet Levi's mom? I'm not ready for that. "Thank you." Levi says. He grabs my wrist and leads me to an elevator. Once we get to the fourth floor I try to straighten out my clothes as much as possible. This building smells absolutely horrible. It smells like pee, crap, and old skin. Rot just pours from the walls. His mom must be old as dirt. Okay that was mean, I still have to get this woman's approval. I didn't even think of the possibility that this may be his father. That scares me completely.

Levi finally let's go of my wrist. "It's here." He says.

"Levi, you took me to meet your mom?" I ask with a smile. "Does that mean-"

"My mom is dead." He says unlocking the door and pushing it open.

"Dead?" I ask walking into the dark room. Levi walks in behind me and shuts the door.

"I wanted to talk to you." He says. Compared to the rest of the building this room smells like flowers. Why is there no one in this room? This seems like a pretty busy nursing home. "This was my mom's room." Levi says and I nod. I walk over to the bed and before I sit, I look at Levi for permission. He nods once. I drop my gym bag on the floor and sit down. He drops his gym bag by the door and drags a chair up to me, sitting across from me in it.

"Your mother-"

"She died in here. I was so stupid." He says shaking his head. "Ever since I was little my father abused my mother. She always told me not to worry about it, until he got bored with her and started in on me. She sent me to a high school like the one I teach at, where you stay over night to save me from him. I knew that by saving me she was putting herself at risk. Every time I would visit my mother would always be wearing the same raggedy clothes, and had a new injury. I turned a blind eye to it, like I knew she wanted me to. Although he kicked her ass, that stupid woman loved him." Levi says. I listen intently and hang onto every word he says. I can understand his mother. Love is possible of making you turn a blind eye to all of someone's faults. Jesus did that for us, didn't he? "When I got to college, the one the competition is held in, they had a fitness club and just like you at first I was like what the hell do I need that for? Then I thought to myself, if I got buff enough, I'd be able to kick my dad's ass. That became my motivation, that became the reason I started exercising and took up learning about boxing. Once you asked me about why I was so attached to the punching bag, and the reason is simple. It became my mother's salvation... My salvation. I thought the next time I went home to visit I'd kick my father's ass then rescue my mother. The six months of training however, were too long." He says and I can feel my eyes getting watery. "Don't cry. That's pathetic." He says.

"Did your father tell you that?" I ask and his silence is answer enough.

"Look up there." He says pointing above my head. I look up and there's a metal bar thing, it's funny how it sort of resembles a pull-up bar. Levi gets up, walks over to the side of the bed, and pulls down a switch. It slowly drops the metal bar down lower, then As Levi removes his fingers from it, the switch levels.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Guess." He says.

"A pull-up bar?" I ask. He looks at me like I'm the stupidest person alive. "Well I don't know."

"A pull-up bar, above a bed, in a nursing home?" He asks shaking his head. "Now does that make sense?"

"Well if you look at it it could be used as one. I mean it's basically the shape of one and if you-"

"Can I just tell you what it is?" He asks in frustration.

"Oh, sure." I say.

"Well this metal contraption was developed special for my mom. After those six months I came back to the house and found my mother laying in cold blood. One of her legs were twisted unnaturally and there was a fucking knife buried in her back. I still remember it so perfectly, our living room carpet stained red as she just laid on her stomach. 'Welcome back, sweetie.' She said." He says. I look up at him in horror as he walks around me and the bed and plops down on it. He lays down and I turn towards him, on my knees, sitting back on my heels.

"Ha ha ha I remember picking her up and rocking her in my arms like a baby for two hours before the police came. So the fact that she was paralyzed is probably my fault. You know with back injuries you're supposed to immediately get help. I let her rot in this nursing home for seven years, when I finished college and again, when I visited her I was too late. Again. She passed on. It would have been so easy for me to visit her at least once, I could've gone daily. This nursing home is walking distance from the college. I guess I just felt too guilty.... She was a good woman." Levi says nodding.

I brush some hair out of his face and he winces at my touch. "Then I'm sure she went to heaven." I say smiling down at him.

"Heaven?" He asks. "If such a place really does exist then that's exactly where she is." He says.

"I believe you." I say nodding.

"You may be thinking why I'm telling you all of this-"

I interrupt him. "No thank you. Thank you so much for telling me this." I crawl over and straddle his laying figure, sitting on his lap. I place my palms on his chest. "I feel like I understand what kind of a person you are now. You had to get stronger for your mother so you buried yourself in hard work. You hide the burdens of your life away by beating the absolute crap out of that punching bag. Everyone has their own recurring misfortune. For you it's being too late and in the future there will be times when you are too late." I say. Yes, that is Levi's recurring misfortune and mine must be lust.

Levi sits up and wraps his arms around my back my eyes widen at first, he's never hugged me before, but then I smile and wrap my arms around him. "I told you this so you would feel inspired. My mother had no support whatsoever, not even from her only son. I made the mistake of doing what she wanted, pretending not to see what was happening, because it was convenient for me. She never stopped fighting for me. She never gave up. She fought completely by herself for seven years in this room and then died because of me. The only thing I'm able to do about that is pay $700 a month to keep people out of this room. If I'm there or not Eren, you have to fight. Fight for yourself, and fight for me because you should know that I'm coming right back to you." He mumbles against my chest. Bitter sweet that's the emotion, that's the atmosphere in this room. Holding someone and being held back like this is completely bitter sweet. I understand him. I finally understand him and we've become closer. I wonder if I'm the only one that knows this about him. We stay like this for about forty minutes and I love it. I'm just surrounded by his scent and warmth and there's nothing in the world that I want more. "You're so warm." He says and I blush. His hands lower from my back to my hips. He reaches one of his hands to the side of the bed and hits that switch that lowers the bar a little more. "You said it could be used as a pull-up bar. Do five and then we'll get out of here." He says, his hand returning to my hip.

I grab onto it and try to do one. I blush a little as I notice Levi's eyes drop to my sweatpants covered crotch. It's extremely difficult to lift my body in this position. "This is really hard." I whine and Levi laughs.

"I'm just joking. You can't do pull-ups in this position because there's a lot of weight on your legs. Get off of me." He says with a smile. I roll off of him and stand off of the bed. He rolls off of the bed too and we grab our stuff. "We managed to kill some time. There's about an hour and a half left." He says.

"Yep. Back into the wilderness." I say with a sigh.

"Hey, that talk wasn't just for nothing. The whole point of it was to teach you to fight even if you have to fight alone." He says.

"I know but-" I say nervously.

"No buts. And no doubts." He says. I nod and we leave the nursing home. When we make it back to the college there are about thirty minutes until 7pm. "Eren? Sometime in return, I want you to tell me everything about you." He says. "And I'll listen." He says.

I smile widely. "There's nothing special about me." I say walking backwards to the pull-up section.

"No confidence at all." He says and I shrug. "If I thought that I wouldn't have had any interest in you at all." He says and I hide my face in my hands. "Turn around and walk before you fall, idiot." He says and I obey.

This time when I jump on the pull-up bar, there are no distractions, not even the buff guy is here. I hop up there and then I begin to notice things like the high ceilings and the crowd returning. I have to focus. I have to fight. Levi's not here and he won't be during the competition but he is coming back to me. When I fall onto my butt I realize I had just completed 64 pull-ups. I'm so happy and I can't even believe it. 64! The record is 67! I laugh deeply, from the pit of my stomach. Levi, I did it. Thank you.

"Alright everybody! We're getting ready to begin. Would all the contestants please rise and turn to the flag for the pledge of allegiance." The instructor yells into the microphone. "And would everyone else please rise." He says and everyone stands up. Those butterflies come back stronger than ever. I can't even speak, I can't even move. "Okay." Says the instructor when the pledge is over. "Contestants please head over to your stations. We will begin with the push-ups. Just a reminder that the contestants are being filmed in case they beat a world record. Now, without further ado, let's begin." He says walking over to the push-up section. The crowd is fired up. I find it cute how the coaches go after the students. They don't win trophies though, unless they beat a world record.

After about an hour and a half he announces that it's time for the bench-press. I sneak over from section to section until I get to a section that is close enough so I can see Bertholdt and Reiner. I'm not surprised that Reiner and Bertholdt end up being the last two people still going. "Fifty-five consecutive! Fifty-six, fifty-seven..." The instructor count.

 "World record is 70, set by that blond himself." A man next to me says. My eyebrows raise.

"Go ahead. Steal the show." Bertholdt grunts.

"Don't tell me you're done already." Reiner grunts back.

"I'm not... as strong as you.. are Reiner." Bertholdt says gritting his teeth.

"Come on, aren't you the one who said you were going to beat me this season. You're not waiting until the Spring Fitness Competition are you?" Reiner strains. A large vain pokes out of his neck.

"You're right. I'm not out of this yet." Bert says with determination that makes me smile.

"Sixty-five consecutive, sixty-six consecutive..." The instructor says in astonishment. The crowd is going absolutely ballistic. "Seventy." He says and Reiner stops and hangs his weight back up, again not using his spotter. Even though his arms are shaking and his veins are threatening I'm sure he could've done more. This, he did for Bert.

"What?" Bert says. "Reiner."

"Keep going. You can beat the record." He says and Bertholdt smiles. He does four more, then his spotter grabs the weight and hangs it back on the safety hooks.

"Our first world record meeter and beater of the night, Reiner and Bertholdt!" The instructor says and the crowd nearly breaks the sound barrier. "For winning your division Bertholdt you win this trophy. For beating the world record we award you this certificate..." He says as a sponsor signs and updates it. He then hands Bertholdt the certificate and a tear rolls down his cheek. Reiner pats him on the back. "Second place, you get a trophy and a certificate for meeting the world record... That you set yourself last season. Good job." The instructor says and I cheer along with the crowd. No one really cares when it's the coaches turn to bench press because Reiner and Bertholdt were so exciting. When it's over people cheer but not as loudly as I know they can get. "Now it's time for the second to last of the night... Let's head on over to the punching bags!!!" The instructor yells and the crowd is back full-force. It sounds like a lion roaring into a microphone, multiple lions. I go from group to group trying to get a good view of the punching bags.

He walks over there and the students peel off their shirts and slide on red boxing gloves. They begin hauling their fist at the bags once the buzzer sounds and multiple sponsors watch each person. These people don't look or sound half as good as Levi while doing it. Mostly everyone stops at around thirty consecutive hits but these last two guys have stamina. At eighty, one of them quits and the other guy keeps going.

"World record is 106, set by a coach last season. Can this student beat it?" The instructor says into his microphone.

The student drives his knee into the bag like eight times with such ferocity that he growls like a bear.

"102! 103! 104! 105! 106! 107! 108! 109!" The instructor starts but people in the crowd join in so it sounds like a chant. He finally quits.

"Congratulations!" The instructor yells. "You just beat the world record. You win a trophy for winning your division and a certificate for beating the record." He says as the sponsor updates the certificate and hands him it and a trophy. "Now it's time for the coaches." He says and the crowd gets rowdy again. The butterflies are restless in my stomach as Levi slides off his sweatpants, to reveal those slim athletic pants he was wearing that first day of fitness club, the one I ditched to masturbate. I shudder. He pulls his shirt over his head and the crowd cheers again.

"That's the guy who set the record last season. He's so cool." A guy next to me says and I nod in agreement.

He looks me in the eye as he pulls his black boxing gloves on and it feels as if everything's moving in slow motion. When he tears his eyes away from me, time goes back to normal. "Ready?" The instructor asks. Levi and other coaches ready themselves in front of their punching bags and then the buzzer sounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter seemed sluggish and/or unnecessary


	10. Chapter 10

Levi instantly, as if he knows nothing else, majestically destroys his bag. Does he really know anything else? I look at his face as he, with the most ferocity, pounds his fist into the bag. He looks so determined. He's not beating this bag for the win, I believe it's for his mother. He looks so angry. If only he wasn't too late, if only he hadn't just ignored what was happening, he could've saved her. She didn't have to die. Is that what he's thinking? He looks angrier and angrier as coaches stop, but he continues. I understand, I may be the only one, but I know why he has more strength and determination than anyone. This is personal for him. I notice how much he's suffering, his infatuation with this bag and his past, it's unhealthy. I look closer at his face as he's hitting his bag and I notice a tear rolling down his face. I gasp. Is that really a tear or is it sweat. No it's coming from his eye, it's definitely a tear.

It's at the last three contestants. "88! 89! 90!" The instructor yells. One of the coaches misses his aim. He's out. It's just Levi and this other guy. "100!" The crowd yells together and the other coach quits. My Levi wins in the coach division.

"Levi!" I yell. He's slowed down but it doesn't look like he's stopping any time soon. His face is really red and there's sweat clinging to his chest. His face looks really hot and there's sweat dripping from his hair. His muscular arms continue jabbing and upper-cutting and he begins to drive his knee into the bag.

"108! 109! 110! 111!" The crowd screams along with the instructor.

Levi looks really tired, like he's pushing himself unnecessarily hard. "Levi, enough!" I yell. Was it futile? He is in the zone right now. He looks so beautiful having so much passion in the act of fighting a bag- it really is just like the first time I saw him. The sweat, the hair, the pants, the black boxing gloves, the bare muscular chest, the strong arms, and most importantly the the passion, it's all the same as when I first saw him from outside of the gym.

"135! 136! 137-" They cut off as Levi stops.

"136! Unbelievable!" The instructor yells. "Get this man a certificate!" He says with more excitement than he's had this entire competition. "You just beat the world record, which you do every season." He says. One of the sponsors bring Levi a certificate. "That's what, your 15th?" He asks.

"Yeah." Levi says breathing deeply. He's panting more than I've heard him ever. After practice he doesn't even seen phased.

"Okay man." The instructor says patting Levi on his bare sweaty back. "So now it's time for the final event. Time for the pull-ups." The instructor says.

I forgot I even had to do those, I was so caught up with Levi. I look over at him and he takes his gloves off and stoops over to pick up his shirt. Once he gets it over his head, and gets his head through the hole he looks at me and I shiver. Are you okay, Levi?

He shoos me over towards the pull-up bar with his hand and I nod and jog over there. I stand in front of my pull-up bar and gesture for Levi to come watch me. He looks me deep in the eye and shakes his head. He's right, it's time I man up. I have to do this by myself. I nod at him in understanding.

The Reiner-buff guy walks up to his pull-up bar next to mine and I take a deep, long breath. "Ready?" The instructor says. The butterflies in my stomach shoot up to my heart. I feel so warm, too warm to the point where it is insufferable. The buzzer sounds and everyone simultaneously leaps onto the bar. My palms are too sweaty and when I jump on I'm already slipping. I hang there with my legs dangling, trying to fix my grip on the bar.

"EREN! Fix your form!" Levi shouts. Was that my imagination or was that actually Levi talking to me? In any case I've wasted five seconds of my time, and according to Levi that's too much. I bend my legs and lock my ankles behind them. "Come on!" Levi yells and I begin. One, two, three, four, five, six breathe, Eren. Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, speed up. "Just you two left Eren." Levi says after a moment. Does he mean me and the buff guy? Forty-eight, forty-nine, fifty, focus, concentrate. "His arms are too close together. He won't last lo-" Levi starts before I hear a loud thud.

"Shit." The buff guy yells from the floor.

"It's just you Eren. Come on you're almost there." Levi coons.

My arms hurt, not just a dull pain either, it feels as if they're being pulled from my body. "Aaah-" I say before clenching my teeth. Fifty-three, fifty-four, fifty-five, fifty-six- MY BACK! An intense pain shoots up my back and I fall from the bar. I hold my lower back and Levi rushes over to me.

"Eren?" He calls kneeling next to my body as I lay in the fetal position. A wave of emotion crashes over my body and I start to tremble as tears pour from my eyes. "Eren it's okay." Levi says rubbing my back. "Don't make a scene. You still won the competition, you can beat the record next season." Levi says. He sits the trophy next to me.

"Eh. Alright that was the end of the competition. Congratulations to everyone who won and to those who beat world records." The sponsor says. Hearing him say that makes me cry more.

"Nothing to see here." Levi barks. I assume it's directed towards the people who are no doubt staring at me and then I hear footsteps. I'm too ashamed to even feel embarrassed about crying in front of these people. I let Reiner and Bert down, I let Levi down, and worst of all, I let myself down. "Hey. Get up." Levi says sternly, although his hand on my back is still gentle and comforting. We stay like this, me crying on the floor in the fetal position and him kneeling and gently rubbing my back, for about three more minutes. I can hear the crowd clearing the bleachers and the gym emptying, then I stop trembling and the tears stop. "You done?" He asks, his hand leaving my back. I take my time sitting up and when I finally do Levi searches for my eyes. "You had such beautiful eyes." Is all he says before he stands up, offering his hand to me. I grab it and he yanks me to my feet, not only that but he yanks me into the warmest hug.

I'm so shocked and relieved, my arms wrap tightly around his back and I press my lips against his neck. "T-thank you." I mumble against his warm skin.

"Is this good for you?" He asks. "Does it make you feel better?"

"Yes, completely. Thank you so much." I say and he let's go of me almost instantly. "Hm?"

"They're probably waiting for us on the bus. Come on." He says grabbing my wrist.

Levi waits for me as I put pants over my shorts so the cooling late afternoon air won't reach hit me too harshly.

The bus ride to the school feels outrageously long and Bertholdt won't even look at me. He shouldn't have sat by me. He's making me feel bad all over again.

"Did you stop going on purpose?" Bertholdt asks turning to Reiner in the seat across from ours.

"No. My arms really hurt so I stopped." Reiner says too quickly to be believable. He said it in a way that suggested he thought of saying this exact line for a while up until now.

"... Are you sure? You're not lying, are you?" Bert asks clutching his certificate in one hand and the trophy in his other.

"Oh my god! Why can't you just be happy that you actually beat the record. Some of us on the bus did not and I don't see them whining... Well not anymore." Reiner says looking directly at me. I'm not looking at him but I can feel his stare on the side of my face. My eyes water and my saliva thickens and I can't swallow it.

"Shut up Reiner. That wasn't even necessary." Bert says.

"Stop sticking up for people. It his own fault he didn't fucking beat the record. I'm supposed to be nice just because he cried? No. I didn't beat the record either Eren so you need to man up." Reiner spits.

"OKAY!" I shout shakily. "Okay I get it. I failed." I say.

"What's going on back there?" Levi asks standing up and looking towards the back of the bus.

"Nothing." Bertholdt says.

"Stop that yelling Eren." He says looking into my eyes... my watery eyes. He gasps and I avert my eyes.

After about thirty minutes of verbal abuse and weak defending from Bertholdt, I'm visibly shaking and tears stream down my cheek. I don't want Levi to hear my sniffling so I cover my mouth with my hand.

"You're an asshole Reiner." Bertholdt says patting my back.

When we're at the school I try to rush off of the bus, but I'm sitting in the back. By the time I get into the school only Reiner and Bertholdt are in the dark gym with me. I left my trophy on the bus! I sprint back out to the bus and grab my trophy from the floor. I wipe my running nose and tears onto my sleeve before walking back into the gym using the emergency exit that everyone else used. I sniffle as the door closes behind me. It's so cold and dark in here, pretty scary when no one else is here. When I reach the door that leads to the rest of the school, there's fresh tears running down my face. How could I fail? I got a horrible cramp, it hurt so badly. If only I had stretched a little more-

Levi's on the other side of the door. "L-Levi?" I ask. "What are you doing here?" I'm disgusted at the shakiness in my voice. 

"I have to lock the doors." He says staring at my face. I look down. "Look at me." He says grabbing the front of my hair and holding my head up. He brings his face close, his eyes locking contact with mine. "Why don't you stop all that crying? I'm not disappointed in you. I told you to do your best, and that's what you did. That makes me happy. I mean it would have been nice if you broke the record but..."

I can't hear the rest of his sentence. I begin crying again, audibly crying, not just the streaming tears but the embarrassing whining. I peel Levi's fingers out of my hair and start walking down the hallway.

"Eren!" Levi shouts. "Stop crying!" He says and I hear quick footsteps behind me. He's following me.

"Leave me alone." I cry, and I really mean I cry.

"It's not your fault."

"LEAVE!" I shout turning the corner. I turn another corner and Levi's feet speed up. My gym bag sways at my side. I'm almost at my door. There's my door, once behind it I can cry in peace.

"Eren, it's okay." He says.

I begin to sob as I'm a few feet away from my door. When I grab the knob Levi's arms wrap around my stomach. "Let me go." I squeal.

"Not until you stop crying." He whispers into my back.

His fingers slide over mine, on the door knob and he slowly twists it open. He lazily pushes me inside and shuts the door behind himself. He looks around my room for a minute and I cover my face as I begin to cry as loudly as I can and want to.

"Eleven more!" I shriek into my hands. I feel his body heat overpower mine. His fingers wrap around my wrists and he peels my hands away from my face.

"I'm in your room." Levi breathes into my face. "If you don't calm down, I'm going to do something to you." He says. My breathing turns into hyperventilation as I try to control my feelings. "I gave you a warning." He says placing a hand on each of my shoulders. He pushes me back, back, until I'm tripping over my own feet, then my back hits a wall. I gasp in reaction and my hands grab onto each of his shoulders.

"Levi." I pant. His hands drop down to my waist and he begins to quickly detach my belt. I can't help my sniffling, and tears won't stop leaking from my eyes. Why am I still crying? "Sto-" I begin.

"It's not your fault Eren." Levi says ripping my belt from it's belt loops in one swift pull. He throws it to the floor and curls his fingers under the waistline of my pants. My hands instinctively rush to his wrists to hold his hands in place. Not again. Could I really bare this sort of thing again?

He grabs my hips and turns me around so my back is facing him. All I can see is the white wall. His hands come around to the front of my pants and play at the button of my pants. I grab his wrist again and he rips it out of my grip. "Hands on the wall." He says. I shake my head.

"No, I won't." I whisper.

"Hands on the wall." He repeats sliding my pants, shorts, and underwear down my legs. He removes them from my ankles.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because your hands are in the way."

"No why do you want to do this tonight?" That's right we did it this week already.

"I want you to calm down and I want you to feel good." He says and I can hear him pull his pants down. "Your voice..." He says. His hand settled upon my wet lower cheek then travels upwards to my eyelashes. "You're still crying?" He asks in disbelief. "Well," he says, his hand returning to my bare hip. "I think I have a cure for that." I can feel his hot manhood being pressed against the sensitive flesh in between my bottom. "Hm- it's opening up." He says as he slowly enters me.

My whining doubles to both cries of pain and emotional hurt. My hand slides down the wall and onto Levi's hip as he buries himself inside of me. "What did I say before? Hands out of the way." Levi says grabbing my hand by the wrist and dragging it back up the wall. My fingers turn into claws as Levi jerks in a little more of his manhood. "That's as good as it's going to get in this position." He says. He let's me go and puts both of his hands on the wall besides mine. He leans into me and begins a punishing round of thrusts that have me whimpering like a puppy. "This is the only time when you are allowed to cry Eren. You don't understand. I'd never be disappointed that you didn't win, I'm disappointed at the fact that you thought it was appropriate to publicly humiliate yourself. Never again- got it?" He grunts while thrusting into my shuddering figure. He slides his hand tightly around my now completely erect penis and just applies pressure.

"Ahah! Levi! Don't, not there!" I moan.

"Hurts?" He asks.

"No, but-"

"So what's the problem?" He asks keeping his thrusting rhythm without skipping a beat.

"Uh! Ngh! Hah! If you- AH! If you do that I'll cum." I pant.

"Say.. Isn't that the point of all of this?" Levi asks. "Hands on the wall." He says again and I hadn't even noticed my hand was tightly gripping his wrist. I slide it back up the wall and Levi suddenly pulls out.

"Hm?"

He turns me around and literally picks me up off the floor. I naturally wrap my legs around him as he carries me to my bed. I lay flat on my back and Levi's kneeling in between my legs. His hand slides up my thighs causing little quakes of pleasure to shiver through my body. "Want to put it back in?" He asks. I stare down at him as he gently grabs my hand and drags it down my own stomach. I jump when my fingers touch the pulsing heat of his erection. "I want you to be one hundred percent comfortable with me Eren. It's okay for you to touch me. Now, guide me." He says shifting his kneeling position to laying on top of me, missionary style and he removes his shirt. I place his erection at my entrance and I lightly hold Levi's forearms. That light hold turns into a grip from hell as he leans into me. There's more, there's so much more and my mouth hangs open as I gasp for air. I wrap my hands around his back and scratch down his torso. He grabs my wrists and holds my hands over my head. I squirm around under him as his pelvis makes contact with my butt finally. I'm so full, I'm uncomfortably full.

"Mm-mm hah, hah." I grunt and pant.

He drags his hands down my own hands and caresses the skin of my arms. "There, I'm all the way in." He says but I already knew that. He starts a slow rhythm of sentimental thrusts. "Eren, I'm... Serious about you." He says.

I open my eyes and look up at him. "W-what do you, what do you-" Levi drops his lips over mine and kisses me tenderly as he thrusts into me. I feel my stomach contort and I whimper as a burst of fluid shoots up onto Levi's stomach then drips down to mine.

"You see this is the only time when it appropriate for you to cry, when I'm on top of you and you're getting ready to cream. Until today I was the only one to see your crying face..." I feel so exhausted and I miss the last part of his dialogue. "Eren what's wrong? Can't keep up?" He asks.

"I'm tired." I say, my eyes fluttering.

"Don't fall asleep." He says before grunting and I can feel him shoot deep within me. He collapses on top of me. "Don't fall asleep." He whispers in my ear. He mumbles soothing words into my ear that carry me off into sleep, and his words follow me into my dreams.

"It wasn't your fault. You did your best. I'm proud of you. Good job. Sleep well. I love you." I snap awake when I hear that last part and I look around. There's light shining in through my window, morning already. It feels like I only slept for a couple of minutes, but it was a really good sleep until that last part. I look around my bed and the covers are all over the place. Where did Levi go? If he's not here is it possible that he didn't say any of what I heard in my dream? No he said some of it, I know that because some of it sounded familiar. He was talking to me before I fell asleep. I scoot over to the edge of my bed and literally every muscle is strained. The upper half is sore because of the fitness competition and the bottom half is sore and stretched because of Levi. There is a fresh stinging sensation inside of me when I move too quickly or too suddenly so I just sit at the edge of my bed, thinking.

My door opens and I snap my head over to it. Levi walks in in a fresh new outfit, holding a glass of water. He struts over to me. Why is he wearing casual clothes? Oh, that's right, today is Sunday. "Here." He says handing me the glass.

"T-thanks." I reply.

"So, how are you feeling?" He asks looking down over my sitting, naked bottom half. I shriek and quickly cover myself with one of the blankets.

"I'm feeling fine." I say and I notice him lightly chuckling.

"Nothing hurts?" He asks. "I put it all inside of you last night, I'm sure." He says crossing his arms over his chest.

"Levi, I'm fine." I assure.

He looks me in the eye for a moment and I fake a small smile and sip the water. "Well okay, if you say so." He says turning towards the door.

"Wait!" I shout and he turns only his head. "Are you okay?" I ask.

"Am I okay?" He asks in confusion. "Why wouldn't I be okay?"

"I scratched your back pretty hard didn't I?" I ask with a grimace.

"A little scratch doesn't bother me Eren." He says with a snort. He turns around.

"Umm Levi! I love you too." I blurt out then I cover my mouth in horror.

"What are you talking about?" He asks frowning and turning towards me. Crap. So it was just something my brain did to me in my sleep. He never said that. He walks back up to me and uncovers my mouth, holding my wrist in his hand. "Just kidding." He says planting a firm, smacking kiss onto my lips.

A large smile spreads across my face, even five minutes after he's left, I'm in the same spot on my bed, with the same smile. After another minute I put on another pair of underwear and pants and my doorknob twists.

"Did you forget something?" I ask and in walks my father. My eyes widen in absolute terror. My room smells like sex and my bottom is filled with sperm still. My eyes water to a degree where I cannot see.

"Hey son, did you miss us?" He says. Us? Sasha walks in behind him and I lose my footing completely. A tear rolls down my cheek as I look up into two pairs of happy brown eyes.

"Eren." Sasha says closing the door and walking over to me. She kneels over besides me and grabs her handkerchief out of her pocket, lightly wiping my tears away. She begins to cry too. "I missed you too." She says pulling me into a hug.

To be completely honest I didn't miss her and that scares me. I completely forgot about my father, Sasha, and God. These tears I'm crying are tears of shame, cold, hard, resenting shame.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this mini chapter  
> Idk felt like a mini chapter to me *shrugs* btw I'm aliyachan on tumblr just in case any of yous wanted to talk or something. Or prompt me.

"Alright, alright that's enough physical contact." My father says with a gentle laugh.

Sasha releases me and stands to her feet. I follow unsteadily. "You really missed us that much?" Sasha asks with a large smile.

"O-Of course." I say all too quickly.

"Well," My father says walking across my room. He plops down on my bed and as it creaks I get an instant five second flashback of Levi thrusting deeply inside of me last night. I flinch and shiver in disgust, these thoughts physically and mentally hurt me. The last time I saw my father I was a pure flower, the nastiest thing I've done was accept a kiss on the cheek from Sasha then. Now look at me. What am I? I wonder if I look any different to him.

"Woa there, are you alright?" He asks. He shifts his position on my bed causing it to creak again and I remember the pain deep inside of me, last night and now.

"Eren, look." Sasha says opening her long coat. I turn towards her and start at her white tights, looking up. The dress she's wearing cuts off at mid thigh. Her thighs... Her legs are so-

"Close your mouth Eren. Sasha, please." My dad says shaking his head.

I've never seen actual shape to her legs before or rather, I've never seen shape to her body at all. I stole innocent glimpses when she would bend over to pick things off of the floor. Wait why am I thinking like this? Is this normal boys' thinking or is this the thinking of someone who has had sex multiple times and enjoyed it so much as to ejaculate in the shrewd, sly man who's responsible's hand?

"You look good Sasha. Your legs are nice and long, I never noticed that." I say and I immediately rethink. Why in hell would I say that. That was the creepiest thing I've ever said. "Oh, I mean... It's just that..." I try. Sasha blushes and stares at me with an odd look.

I make awkward, extremely awkward small talk with Sasha and my father for a while. "So how are you liking school?" Sasha asks.

"Oh it's okay." I answer in a monotone voice.

"And your teachers, what are they like?" Sasha asks in excitement as she plops down on my bed. The question and the creak both make me cringe and I take a severely deep breath.

"It's fine Sasha." I groan. "Everything is fine." I look up at her and she's pouting. "Get that stupid look off of your face." I grumble.

She gasps. "Eren!" My father shouts.

"You've changed haven't you? The outside world is too much for even you, the son of Grisha?" She asks in a sad voice.

"Stop treating me like that! I'm not my father!" I shout and Sasha looks up at me with fright.

"That's enough Eren. You may not be me but as my child you carry my legacy. You know that. Now Sasha was so excited to come and see you-"

"How did she even get permission? Girls have to wait until they're 18." I say with irritation. Why am I so defensive? I feel like they're both attacking me.

"You know someone of any age can leave with me. When you grow up it will be the same unless... Unless you did something shameful here." He says staring intently at me.

"What?" I shriek.

"Well, you never know Eren. There's a lot of kinds of girls in here-"

"Please don't say that." Sasha says. "Even though Eren and I don't always see eye to eye, we still know we're getting married." I scratch my scalp and laugh oddly. "Right, Eren?"

"You can't deny that he's been acting strange." My father says. There's an awkward silence. My father clears his throat. "So prove something to me right now. Recite me.... Genesis 1:26-28." My father says crossing his leg over the other. "You used to know this one." He says.

"Okay." I say. I do know this one. "Then God said, 'Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea.... and the birds in the sky, over the livestock... and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures... that move along the ground.'" I say. That was too easy.

"That was only 26." Sasha says.

"Pardon?"

"You only said Genesis 26." She says.

"You've been studying, good job." I say to her, masking my annoyance. She flashes me a fake smile.

"Okay um...." I trail off.

"I'm waiting, Eren." My father says.

I take a deep breath, churning the gears in my brain. Think! Think! This, I used to know this so well. "So God created mankind in his own image... In the image of God he created them male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the... Um... fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.'" I say and sigh in relief.

"Good job Eren, not one word missed." Sasha says clapping.

"Yes, I'm very impressed. It's been months since you've touched a bible right?" He asks. Oh my goodness, it has been that long. I haven't touched a bible since I left the closed community! I've been too distracted by that... By that heathen. "Do one more for me though Eren. This is the final test, and then Sasha and I will leave." He says.

"Okay, of course.... And thanks for visiting." I say, glad that they are going to be leaving soon.

"Recite for me... Corinthians 10:13!" He says loudly. He tried to play it off like he actually thought of a random one, but I'm sure that one is going to be some personal blow to me. I think for a moment. Corinthians... Corinthians... Corinthians... My mouth falls open slightly as I realize what kind of a scripture that is. "Well come on now." He says standing up. Sasha stands up too.

"Well it's uh.. No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." I say and I bite my lip as my eyes water slightly.

"You look pretty pale Eren." My father says walking around me to my door. Sasha doesn't even look me in the eye as she passes me. "Amazing, you didn't even hiccup once that time. Maybe you could apply that to your everyday life here. Oh," he says swinging the door open. "Be honest with yourself Eren. You know what you are, and you know what you aren't." He says and they both walk out. "Ah, one more thing. As my son, everyone is watching you. When you return in less than two years I wonder what kind of a face everyone will make when they find that you're a model Christian boy." He says and then he's gone.

The rest of the day I find myself either too sad to cry or too angry to stop crying. How could I let this happen? It's all Levi's fault, or is it? Yes it's his fault, he saw I was in a vulnerable position and he took that as an opportunity to use sweet words on me- wait. He didn't use sweet words at all. He simply asked, in a rather rude way now that I think about it, that first time if I needed his help and I begged him for it. The fault is ours. Both of us can be blamed.

I sit down on my bed and instantly jump back up as I'm reminded by the creaking noise what happened here last night. I look over at the glass cup on my dresser. It's half full. No, it's not. That's something I would have said before I lost my purity, that glass is half empty just like my faith. There's a hole in my faith now that Levi's stretched open. I can't ask for enough forgiveness, I can't atone enough, nothing soothes the burning in my soul. I wrap my fingers around the glass cup and motion the cup circularly. I like the way the water moves inside. When I'm with Levi it's like all the shame, I feel it and it feels so bad, that I find pleasure in it... so much pleasure. I know it's wrong, but it feels too good. I stop the movement of my arm, waiting for the water inside of the cup to settle. Is this what my unsettled brain is like? How can I face the people of the monastery after all I've been through? I turn the cup upside down and watch as the water spills over my socks. A cup can be filled with the purest water one moment, then emptied and filled with alcohol, poison, the next. However, the poison can still be emptied and the cup can be rinsed, cleansed, and refilled with pure water again.

Okay, then that must be it. I drop to my knees and begin to pray feverishly. "Father!" I cry. "Please forgive me."

 

I slump into the classroom and Levi's eyes flick over to me. I feel a slight tingling in my lower back and I stroke it. He looks back down into his big book and turns a page. When I pass his desk he doesn't even look up at me. Good thing too, that will make it easier to ignore him.

"You okay?" He asks. I look down at him and he's still looking down in his book.

"Fine." I say walking slower.

"Your back-"

"Cramps." I say interrupting him.

"Eren, quick question." He says quietly. He looks around the classroom at the few students inside then speaks even quieter. "Does your back hurt because of me?" He asks.

"No. It's the same cramps I've been getting-"

"Ever since we did it for the first time you've been having cramps in your back. I just wanted to-"

"Stop pretending like you care Levi." I say turning and walking to my seat as he looks up. He has the dumbest look on his face like he's surprised or offended. Advisory passes and everything else and when it's time for lunch Levi stares at me from his desk. I leave before he has a chance to open his mouth. In English he sometimes glares at me questioningly and I immediately avert my eyes. I look towards the back of the class and Mikasa isn't here today. That's right, I didn't see her at lunch.

I can't look into his eyes. Those eyes have caused me so much grief... And also so much pleasure. I can't ignore that feeling that stirs in my stomach just from making eye contact with him.

"Yah see? -al, -ment, -ary, -ness, -er, -ision, -ation, -ness, -ess, -or, -ist, -cian, and -y, they are all suffixes that can change verbs into nouns." Levi says. "See if I take the word victor and add the y, it becomes victory." He adds.

"But I don't get it." The kid behind me says. "Victor and victory are both nouns."

"Well that's only the case sometimes. I'll give you a few examples. Teach becomes teacher, arrive becomes arrival, diction becomes dictionary, music becomes musician, piano becomes pianist.. And the list really goes on and on."

"But you said the suffix changes verbs to nouns." The kid says.

"Okay." Levi says nodding.

"And a noun is a person, place, or thing. That being said piano and music are both nouns."

"Okay I think you're missing the point. The point is that piano and maul are both words. Piano is a noun and maul is a verb, an action. If you take the suffix -ist and the suffix -er you can change a noun to a different noun or change a verb to a noun. Piano is a noun already, it's a big musical instrument, but when you add the -ist, it becomes a person, a pianist, one who plays the piano. When you add the -er to maul, it changes from an attack, to one who attacks, a mauler." Levi says.

"OOOOOH!" Most of the class says dramatically. In the monastery we've already covered this part of English.

"What do you think Eren?" Levi asks looking at me. He walks down my aisle and stops in front of my desk. "You seem uninterested." He says leaning down so his face is level with mine.

"I learned this already." I say plainly. His lips press together in a tight line.

"Ah-" He starts. He stops himself from speaking and walks away from me.

When the bell rings I try to quickly pack my crap away but as usual I'm last in the class. "Eren, I don't know why you're acting like this." Levi says walking towards me.

"Stop trying to understand me. You've been doing that ever since we first met. You don't know anything about me." I say.

"Hey!" He says grabbing my arm as I'm passing the threshold of his classroom. The familiar feeling of his skin brings the memories I'm desperately trying to push away right back. Please, no. His hands... As usual they can melt me like butter. I have to be strong. I have to come out on top. I have The Lord, Levi has no one. "What's gotten into you?"

"What's gotten into me? Are you really asking me this right now? You're a teacher, you're supposed to be so smart. Figure it out."

"Eren if you would just-"

"Just leave me alone." I say snatching my arm away.

"We'll talk at practice." He says nodding.

"No we won't, because I'm not going." I say walking out. I dread the part of me that wants him follow me out here and convince me to allow him to continue his escapades. I am strong. I have a life, a legacy I'm supposed to live up to, my father's. I've already allowed homosexuality, and adultery to taint my pureness so what's wrong with just letting Levi do things with me. Wait- that's not how I wanted that to end. That was supposed to sound more like; I've already let homosexuality and adultery taint my purity so I should stop and repent while I'm ahead. I don't need any other temptations.

I feel a sense of power as I walk down the hall, a new wall of unbreachable confidence surrounding me. I'm never letting Levi touch me again. I smile to myself as for the first time in forever I finally believe myself. Levi's not touching me anymore. Levi won't touch me. I have no intention of quitting the fitness club, after all, in the spring I've got a record to beat, but fitness will no longer include Levi. I will mind my own business, and if he tries to talk to me, I'll treat him as if he doesn't even exist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha what even is this story?? So yeah it's finals week so yeah I won't be writing at all this week. Mane sorry guys.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for wishing me well on the finals. I got an 100% on my last one I have no idea how...
> 
> Yeah enjoy this other mini chapter thing
> 
> I think it's a mini chapter

Yesterday I moved my bathroom mirror to behind my bed. I did about one hundred push-ups to make up for missing practice. The fact that I did them on a softer surface required double the strength I would usually need. I feel horrible today. My arms ache and I feel like I'm missing out on something, I hate this feeling. Woa, if I feel this way about... How on earth will I be able to return to the closed community after next year? My father and the rest of the elders back in the monastery must really have strong wills to be able to go back to the same old- same old when there is so much out here. Today in advisory Levi doesn't look at me even once.

"Eren." Jean says as we pack our things to get ready for our next class.

"What?" I ask in a gloom.

"Damn, what happened to you?" He says. Is he referring to my voice? I feel like crap but at the moment I'm unsure if I actually look like crap.

"What do you mean?" I ask. The bell rings and we both stand up and meet each other in the middle of the classroom. I follow him out of it, looking back at Levi who's face is pointing down into that big book of his that I hate so much. I have such strong anger towards that book and I have no idea why.

"You sound sad... Miserable." He corrects.

"Oh really?" I ask looking down. He didn't look at me. His head was too far up that book's ass. Wait- he usually looks at me and I miss that little rumble I'd get in my stomach. He's supposed to be missing me and kissing my feet. Why doesn't he care? Didn't we do some sentimental things together, or am I just a pastime for him? That must be it. He just wanted a virgin, that time he said I was special he lied. The time he whispered he loved me in my ear, that was just a dream. A pretty stupid dream at that. Those times he kissed me, it was just to heat me up so I could beg him to defile me even more. Any virgin would've done for him. I'm nothing to him but yesterday's news, a penis and a hole that he's already tried. Now that he's seen what I'm like in bed he will go after another and keep using more guys, making them think things, ruining them, and then putting them back after he's robbed them of their happy purity.

Jean just stares at me. He clears his throat. "So anyway, how did your competition go?" He asks with a hopeful smile. His smile fades as he witnesses my depression-expression. "Uuuhhh, sorry." He says awkwardly.

"Jean... You said we would talk soon. What sort of relationship do you have with Petra?" I ask.

He frowns at me seriously. "How do you- I guess that time I asked you that I was being too obvious." Jean says as he stops walking. I stop too. "You can't tell anyone. We'll talk about this today after our clubs, you're going right?" He asks.

"Um I might. Most likely." I say nodding.

"Alright then. Catch you later." Jean says. I sigh in relief. I didn't think it was appropriate to admit I had overheard one of their extremely personal conversations. He was trying to like, break up with her.

In English today we moved seats and I find it hilarious that Levi put me in one corner of the room, and Mikasa in the complete opposite corner. He has me sitting in the far right, in the front of the room now and Mikasa sits in the back left corner. He moved me, when I used to be so close to his desk; only two seats back and two seats to the right. Why? Did I really piss him off that much yesterday? As a hole is being burnt into my back I realize Mikasa and Levi have quite the same stare. It's a bedroom look that just screams "F- me." I turn around once just to let her know that I can feel her staring at me and she bites her lip and winks at me. I snap back around as the blood rushes to my face. I place my palms over my hot, pink cheeks, slightly stretched by my smile of embarrassment. It's as if my lewd brain is screaming at me. "Remember?" It's asking. "Remember how close she was to you?" I begin to fan myself. "Remember what you felt on your thigh? Remember how warm it was, it seemed to have it's own pulse. Remember the open buttons of her shirt? You look down the crease and saw-" Levi looks at me and it cuts off my brain's taunting. I rub my thighs together as the flush drains from my cheeks and that familiar itch creeps up my thighs. No! What am I doing? I am stronger now. I relax my body and I stare back into his eyes, slightly furrowing my brows. There's an odd glint in his eye, then he rolls his eyes and resumes his lecture.

 

After class I slowly walk to my dorm, slowly change clothes, and slowly make my way down to the gym. I take a deep breath as my feet stop in front of the doors. This will be the hardest thing I've done in my life. I twist the knob and slowly, and quietly walk inside. The fact that I'm quiet doesn't matter at all. Everyone is looking at me. The whole atmosphere of everyone minding their own business is completely burnt up and replaced by long, agonizing stares and whispers to the left and right.

Levi was right, I had publicly humiliated myself at the competition, now I have to pay the price.

I'm on time for practice but everyone has already started, everyone is completely sweaty. I look over at Levi and he is the only one not looking at my grand entrance. Look at me! Look at what you can't have anymore! At least look at me! I lift my chin in the air as I continue my flow to the pull-up bar. 67. I couldn't beat that.

When I get to the bar, I'm surprised that at the first go, I got as high as 50. I jump on again and this time I get only 30. "Remember when you leaned on Levi for support?" I hate when my thoughts start talking to me. "Remember how Levi would pay attention to you? Remember how he'd always be waiting on the ground after you've finished your pull-ups?" Shut up! Shut up! I just have to stop thinking. "Do you know why he's not there anymore?" Of course I know why. "It's because you're pushing him away." I KNOW!

I jump back onto the bar and I can only do 17 this time. That's when I just quit. I look over at Levi by his punching back, it seems he just gave it a real beating. Why is Reiner over there by him?

"Man you seem pretty hot, why don't you take off your shirt? Usually by this time it's already off. Look at those sweat stains." Reiner says.

"I know." Levi mumbles. I should stop eavesdropping.

"But don't you hate sweat stains? And your shirt is white." Reiner says.

"Did you want something?" Levi asks with irritation.

"I wanted to ask if you were okay. You seem troubled." He says.

"Since when did Reiner start caring about others?" Levi snaps back at him with a grin of disbelief. Normally a face like that from him would make my stomach flutter, never mind, it just did.

"Ahh Bertholdt sent me over here." Reiner says shaking his head.

"Aye, quick question." Levi says and Reiner stops his escape. "Are you and Bertholdt happy?" Levi asks.

That question makes Reiner and I frown. I feel like such a creep watching this happen from a distance.

"Yeah..." Reiner says.

"Does Bertholdt ever get mad and stop talking to..." Levi trails off after a bit of thinking. "Never mind. Get back to your section." Reiner scratches his scalp and walks away.

So did that conversation imply that Reiner and Bertholdt were a romantic couple? I'm sure I should've gotten something more personal out of that conversation but I'd rather not ponder it right now.

By the end of practice, that time I got 50 pull-ups ends up being my highest. What's my problem? At this rate, come Spring, I won't be ready to redeem myself or beat the record.

 As I'm packing up my stuff I notice Levi packing his own. I look at him again when I finish to find him, finished and already looking at me. "Good work today." I say casually as the last person leaves.

"Thanks, you too." He says still looking into my eyes. "It's pretty hot in here." He says to me as he fans himself.

"Well you should've taken off your shirt." I reply dryly.

"You know why I can't do that." He says as we make our way to the door. I'm purposely walking slower than him so I'm not trapped walking beside him.

"No I don't." I say.

"You should." He says and I frown. He turns his head to the back a little to look at me then his fingers wrap around to the bottom of the back of his shirt. I shiver as he slowly brings his shirt up, then freeze as I stare at his back. There are eight long scabs running down his back, on top of purple-ish finger bruises.

I gasp in disgust. "Did I-"

"It's my fault. I shouldn't have given it all to you." He says letting his shirt roll back down.

"That looks really bad." I say.

"Well why do you think I didn't take my shirt off." He says and I nod in apologetic agreement.

"Sorry." I say as he holds the door open for me. "Aren't you going to lock it?" I ask as he turns away from the doors.

"I'm gonna work out in here a little longer. Then I have to meet that guy-"

"What guy?" I yell in confusion. He's meeting another guy? So I am a plaything. My nostrils flare.

"Ugh! Cut the bullshit Eren. What's wrong? What happened?" Levi asks in extreme agitation. "And you're not getting any better on that bar."

"Just stop Levi." I groan.

"Well when you get over whatever this is, then I'll be glad to help you get ready for the spring comp-"

"Help me? All you've ever done was hurt me." I shout.

"I didn't hurt you, I opened your eyes." He says. I frown at how much sense that makes, but shouldn't make.

"Well I- I.... I didn't need my eyes opened to that sort of thing." I yell. That's right. He opened me up to sex and contradictions, those are two examples of things I did not need my eyes open to. In other words those things did in fact hurt me.

"What do you mean that sort of thing? Weren't you the one masturbating in the bathroom and calling me?" Levi says. My eyes widen. I'm so angry. "Weren't you the one begging for my help? Hey- where are you going? I have more examples for you." Levi says, his lips curling upward in a small smile.

I storm off. I feel fire and anger running through my body as I stomp through the halls. He's right. He's so right. An angry tear runs down my cheek.

I see a pair of shoes in my way as I'm walking. I follow them to a pair of knees, then up to a pair of thighs, then up to a torso and face. "Jean." I whisper.

"Woa buddy, you alright?" He asks.

 

Jean frowns up at me from my bed as I explain how my and Levi's relationship began. His pupils get really small. "Wait, I'm sorry. I don't mean to interrupt but you two haven't done it where I'm sitting right?" Jean asks.

I choke back a laugh. "Actually yes." I say. "Just once." I add.

"Ugh! Gross." He says scooting over closer to the foot of my bed and we both begin to laugh.

"Okay so let me get back to my point, my father isn't just any Christian, he's one of the-"

"Wait, I know this is a weird question, but Levi's really small.... So is he... Small?" Jean asks. I frown in confusion. "You said he's penetrated you right? Is his size laughable?" He asks and my mouth opens. "Don't be embarrassed, let's just tell each other everything." Jean says. "Besides I'm the only person in this school who understands."

"Well..." I trail off. This is so weird. That time Levi penetrated me when I was by the wall, after he pulled out, that's the only time I saw his penis. "You know those 16 fluid ounce water bottles, like a little bit longer than that, and skinnier." I say scratching my scalp.

"Oh my god." Jean gasps looking at my waist. I suddenly feel self conscious. "No wonder you got a fucking cramp in your lower back during that competition. Shoving something like that up your ass- it's all his fault."

I laugh awkwardly. "I've put that behind me."

"No, like are you okay? Because that's actually a lot to... How should I put this? Take in? Swallow up?"

"Oh my goodness please stop." I beg. "Now!" I yell. "Back on with what I was saying. I'm expected to be just like my father. There's also a girl at home. I thought I loved her but now, after all I've been through I just see her as kind of cute and annoying." I say.

"Well I think... Fuck that community of yours. That's the thing about religious people, they think they're perfect, claim they're your family, then the instant you do something that's not of their beliefs they turn their backs on you. Your dad is a Christian but he's your father first. He should support you no matter what and if he can't then fuck him. If all those judgmental people can't accept your love, then fuck them." Jean says and for some reason tears flow freely from my eyes. 

"Jean." I sob.

"No seriously." He says taking my arms in his hands. "I almost dumped Petra because I was thinking about what everyone else would want... Not what I want. How would people look at us? Who would accept this kind of a relationship? These questions don't matter as long as I am happy, as long as I want it. This is MY life, I'm the one that's got to live it, so I'm going to make choices based off of what I want not what society or... A father thinks. At the end of the day who has to live with your life? Who's in that body of yours Eren? It's you. If you're still into that Jesus bullshit then you go ahead and do that, but if you're still into that Levi bullshit then do that. The point is, you have to make a choice and at the end of the day it's YOU who lives on with that decision. Not other Christians and not your father." Jean says.

Beautiful, all of it. It's so true that I don't even know what to do. "How are you so-"

"Most of what I just said are words straight from Petra don't give me all the credit." He said with a proud giggle.

"Petra." I mumble.

"Yeah we got close freshman year, when she was only a counselor. We were the best of friends, I'd tell her everything. I told her about my mom losing her job, the bankruptcy, just everything. Sophomore year we stopped talking the first half, then the second half I would get into a bunch of fights and that's how we got back close. I slipped once and let her see me cry, then she comforted me in the best way a woman can." Jean says frowning hard as if trying to remember every detail.

"Let me guess. A nice firm hug?" I say sarcastically.

"It- I remember it like it was yesterday. Her skin was so... So soft... So delicate. I put my fingers inside of her for the first time... It was like the lips parted and welcomed me..." Jean says making gross hand gestures. "The whole feeling... A baby's mouth-"

"Okay I get it." I say wide eyed. That's disgusting. That's so very disgusting, a baby's mouth? I can only imagine what he's talking about.

"Okay fast forward to this year. I thought someone might find out about us... I got so paranoid that I would randomly brag about girlfriends and stuff. I even spread the word that I liked Mikasa, the hottest girl student here. I don't care anymore, because now I know what I want. I want Petra and I won't let opinions bother me." Jean says.

"If that's the case then why don't you tell the whole school about it?" I say crudely.

"Because it's no one's business, Eren. If someone finds out I won't deny it, but I'm not gonna go around telling people."

Jean says some really good things. I'm still thinking about everything he's said. My dad is my father first.. Whatever I choose to do with my life he should support it and if he can't then... Screw him.

"Levi is-"

"Bro if you're doubting yourself about Levi, don't. Him and Petra are friends. Levi is asexual, well he was. When he did it with you for the first time it was to help your erection wasn't it? Let's ignore the punishment, but the next time he did it with you it was to make you feel better right?" Jean asks.

Asexual? Levi, the king of sex? "Levi arranged for us to have sex once a week." I say.

"I guess you gave him a sexuality. Hahaha that's weird, a Christian boy gave an asexual, unfeeling man an erection and a heart. That's hilarious." Jean says. "You must have some pretty strong pheromones."

"W-what should I do?" I ask Jean with pink, embarrassed cheeks.

"There's only one thing you can do after a fight like that. Go find him." He says. I nod and leave my room.

As I'm walking into the hall a thousand thoughts are swimming around in my head. Jean is so smart, so wise. My feelings for Levi are a bit confusing. I want his attention all of the time. He has to look at me. I get tingles in my skin and fluttering in my belly just at the thought of Levi. When I do find him what will I do? Will I tell him something? Will I show him something? I want to touch him, I want him to touch me. It's been too long since I've felt those hands caressing me. I miss it. I miss the feeling and I miss Levi. What was I even trying to accomplish by ignoring him?

I turn the two corners and walk towards the open gym doors. I can hear Levi's grunts and him smacking the punching bag from here.

Jean was only wrong about one thing. I can be slightly homosexual, a sinner of sorts, and still be a Christian. Yes that's right, I'll be the gayest Christian alive and if my father doesn't like it then... then... then FUCK HIM.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha Eren said fuck


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh shit. Read this. This is my fav chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally bombed my finals hahaha  
> No I'm not really laughing I'm actually like dead but thanks everyone who wished me well. I got an 100 on one and a 95 on the other. The rest were brutal

Lust doesn't make me a bad person, it makes me a real person. I think that goes for any temptation. What's wrong with having a little sex now and then? I'm not hurting anyone. I'm not being dishonest. Didn't I lie to my father?.... None of that matters. This is my future. A future for a life I have to live. My father has guided me this far and I thank him for that, but this decision is only mine to make.

I stop walking when I reach the door. God please, if this decision is wrong, show me a sign. It has to be right now. I look up at the ceiling all around and notice a flickering light. That's not a sign, is it? No. I look down the hall, then around me on the floor- nothing. Okay then god, I'm under the assumption that I've made the right choice or you've abandoned me.

I twist open the knob and Levi's slender body immediately halts and his bare abs are staring right at me. I speed walk towards him as he sighs deeply in relief. "Man that scared me, my shirts off and everything. You screwed my back up pretty well." Levi says with a chuckle. I watch a single drop of sweat travel down Levi's abs as he slowly pulls his shirt back on. "Eren are you okay?" He asks as I'm nearing him. He takes a step back and I lunge for the neck of his shirt. "Eren?" He says looking up into my eyes. I silently avert my gaze and yank him back towards the doors. He stumbles along, tripping over his own feet and trying to keep up. "What? What are you doing?" He asks. I continue to silently drag him along.

Is this decision I'm making the right one? Once I do it myself there's no turning back. There is no playing innocent.

"Are we going to your room?" He asks as we turn the final corner. I nod. "No, no. I don't have time for this. I didn't even lock the gym." He says grabbing a hold of the hand that's on his shirt.

"That doesn't matter." I mumble.

"No, no, Eren, I've got a guy coming over to unclog my sink. I have to let him into my house." He says, his grip on my wrist getting tighter.

I twist open my doorknob, swing open the door, and shove Levi inside. I shut the door behind myself then walk towards Levi. "I have to-" I place a foot behind Levi's and I shove him again, this time he falls on my bed and I realize Jean is still in my room, sitting in the same spot near the foot of the bed.

"Wow I should get out of the way." Jean says quickly standing to his feet and leaving my room.

"You've gotten stronger, Eren." Levi says wiping his bottom lip with the side of his finger. He looks up at me from my bed with stormy looking eyes but I won't let it intimidate me.

"So..." I say taking a step closer to the bed.

"So..." Levi says sitting up. I pull my shirt over my head then I look back down at Levi. He looks slightly confused. "What are you doing Eren? Aren't you on your period?" He asks and my cheeks heat up in anger. I unbuckle my pants and let them fall to my ankles.

"I just got off." I say stepping out of my pants and getting on the bed.

"You don't care that I have to let someone into my house in an hour do you?" He asks.

"To be completely honest, I couldn't care less." I say sitting in front of him on the bed.

"Okay, do what you want then." He says. I look into his eyes and I can't read his emotions. Is that a challenge? I just stare at his body.

"O-okay, take off your shirt." I say. As usual, blood rushes to my face. He slowly pulls his shirt off while looking me in the eye and it makes me all the more nervous. I don't know what to do. He lays back with his arms behind his head, and that confuses me even more.

"Touch me Eren." He says. I wait for more instructions, but after a minute it becomes clear that no more are coming. As I get on my knees he parts his legs a little and I crawl in between them. I slide my fingers down his muscular arms, feeling the smooth dips and curves in his biceps, then I move on to his pectorals. He's still a little sweaty from his extra practice but I prefer him this way. I slide my hands slowly, savoring each inch of his body, down his abs. He moans softly and I blush. Levi doesn't moan, he only grunts during things like this. I trace his v-line with my fingers until the belt stops me. "Keep going." He encourages. I nod to myself and my fingers shake as I undo his belt. He lifts his waist a little as I rip the belt from it's loops. He keeps himself lifted until I drag his pants and underwear down mid thigh. This is my first time being face to face with this thing that's been inside of me more times than I've actually seen it. His penis looks semi hard. I look over at Levi's face and his eyes are relaxed closed, he looks completely comfortable. I wrap my hand around his penis and his lower abdominal muscles tense. He grunts softly as I slide my fingers down his length. It feels just like mine but much bigger. I pause and take his pants completely off, then lay in between his legs in a more comfortable position. I stroke the skin of his creamy white thighs. It's like Chinese silk, just as I had imagined. I grab his meat again and my mouth begins to water. Should I just...

I raise my face above his penis then lower my mouth around his meat. It's big and Levi and I both twitch. The sides of my mouth are cracking and I remove my mouth from Levi. I lick my lips and resume taking his entire head into my mouth this time. It's just too much for me. I remove my mouth again and resort to licking. I use slow catlike strokes from the base to the head of his length and he grunts again.

"Eren just stop. You don't know what you're doing." Levi says shaking his head. I sit up and notice the only thing I've accomplished was getting Levi wet. I pull my damp underwear off and I sit on Levi's lap, my legs bent and on their knees on either side of him. "Need some help?" Levi asks.

"No, stop talking. I'm in charge right now." I say raising my chin. Levi's eyes fly open with surprise and a smirk curls his lips. I lift my butt off of his lap and hold myself open with my first two fingers. If I wasn't already red, I am now. I lower myself and his penis hits the side of my thigh, bending it. Levi groans urgently in pain. "Sorry, sorry." I whisper.

"Shit." He curses. "It's okay. Here." He says holding his erection straight up. As I try again he places a sturdy hand on my lower waist. "Now, come down." He says and I lower myself again, this time I can feel him at my entrance and the lower I sit the more my bottom opens for him, and the more he gets in. After enough is inside of me I stop. "There's more left." Levi says.

"Stop talking." I say grabbing his hand off of my wrist and dragging it above his head. I place both of my palms on his chest and raise my bottom, sliding Levi partly out. I sink back down and take in a little bit more of him. In no time I have a steady rhythm and an intense stirring starts low in my belly. 

What am I doing? No, really, what is it that I am doing? Maybe I'm just being rebellious or maybe I really am listening to my body. I throw my head back and sing in joy as I ride him, sweat gathering between our thighs. Levi's pants turn into moans as I slow us down a bit. It's then that I notice the mirror behind the bed. I look at my own face, my mouth hanging open, saliva spilling freely. Who have I become? I can barely recognize my face, my eyes, shrouded in sordidity, staring back at me.

Levi's fingers brush down my stomach then grabs the head of my penis. Just the feeling of his warm fingers on me takes me to that final place. I clench my eyes shut as I spill out on Levi's stomach. I lay down on top of him, trying to catch my breath.

"Okay Eren. You've had your fun." He says rolling us over so he's on top of me. "You creamed all over me." He says.

"Sorry." I say, my eyes shut. My only focus is catching my breath.

"I haven't yet." He says and I nod. I'm satisfied, he can do what he wants to me now. I've achieved what I set out to do. He fixes himself so his weight is supported by his arms. He places a hand on each of my shoulders, holding me down and I know what comes next. I whimper shakily as he pushes the rest of his length inside of me. "There's no practice tomorrow."

"So you'll give me the whole thing?" I ask squinting up at him with one eye.

"Don't look up at me like that." He says withdrawing a little.

"Look at you? Like what?" I ask.

"Like you're in pain. I'm the one in pain." He says pushing back in all the way. My moan echoes in my room. "What you need is to be taught a good lesson. What you've been doing to me in class and practice- And what was your bully doing in here?" He asks withdrawing again.

"He- Jean isn't my bully. We're friends now. And I was trying to figure- MMM!" I moan as he roughly pushes back in. "Figure myself out. I was mad- AGHH! Even at myself- Levi?!" I moan and holler as his thrusts get rougher and rougher.

"I felt alone again. Even after I told you all that stuff about my past, you stopped talking to me. You're the only one I've told those things to." He says, giving me hard thrusts after every three words that leave me whimpering and squeezing the sheets. I grab his lower arms as I begin to cum again. He moves his hands from my shoulders to the bed and leans into me, our pelvises digging into each other, his stomach smashing my penis against my own. "You're the only one Eren. Sex wasn't even fun for me, until you showed up. How could you think I was just doing it to tear you away from your faith? I mean that was a bonus that made things more interesting. How could you ignore me again? Why?" He asks.  Is he mad? He's hurting me. I throw my head back and moan loudly as he continues his sharp thrusts. "Answer me, why?" He ask.

"O-okay." I whine. "My father- UGH! And this girl- HAA! I can't talk if you're slamming into me like that!" I yell.

I thought he would've slowed down but he only speeds up, going harder and deeper than before. There's now a mess of fluids in between our legs and every time his penis is pushed fully into me it sounds like the crunching of dead leaves.

When Levi pulls out I can still feel my hole clenching and unclenching in the open air. I feel empty, and it's such a big difference from being so full. When I sit down upright I can feel liquid just leaking out of me. Levi collapses in blissful exhaustion on my bed and I scoot to the edge.

"Where are you going?" He asks. I feel a faint throbbing in my lower back and I stroke it. "Are you okay?" Levi asks scooting closer to me. My insides are throbbing, it's painful but not unbearable. I feel like if I tried to close my legs it would hurt really badly. Levi places a few kisses on my hip. I raise my leg up trying to cross it and sit with it on top of my other leg but as soon as I get it in the air my entire leg begins to shake. Levi places a soft palm on my shaking leg and pushes it back down to the floor. "Does it hurt too badly?" He asks.

"No." I reply simply.

"Was I too hard on you?" He asks sitting up and scooting beside me. I smile when I look at his feet. His toes barely touch the floor.

"No. Thanks for letting me be in charge. I think it's obvious that I wasn't any good." I say shaking my head.

"I said you didn't know what you were doing. That doesn't always mean you aren't good." He says.

"Well Levi, was it any good?" I ask looking him in the eye.

He looks away from me. "Hm?"

"Come on, you heard me. It was horrible wasn't it? You didn't even cum." I say turning his face towards mine. I leave my fingers on his chin and he slowly moves his face forward then stops abruptly.

"I would kiss you, but there's snot and shit all over your face." He says, but I won't have that. I take control again and kiss him. He allows it, but doesn't allow the kiss to deepen.

 

-

I look at the side of my bed. Levi must have left early. I feel so good today, not physically, oh definitely not physically, but my emotions and mental state are the best they've been in a while. I smile to myself as I remember the events of last night. I sit up and I'm so sore, my whole body hurts but I have all day to recover. There's no school tomorrow, thank god. Oh, um....

Where do I stand with my religion? I classify as a Christian, I follow most of the Ten Commandments, and I'll go to church. I don't know if I'll be able to go back to that convent, but I still want a relationship with god. I still want my relationship with Levi too. It seems as though our strictly sexual relationship has become more. It's never been strictly sexual though. The fact that he was even having sex with me meant something. He said it was fun to have sex with me. I feel the blood rush to my face followed by a smile.

A Christian man who fell in love with another man. They're sure to make a movie out of that. Father can't find out about this until I'm 18. That way, Levi won't get in trouble.

I stand from my bed and my legs instantly give out. I giggle like a drunk as I stand back onto my unstable legs and my door swings open. In walks my father. I straighten my back, trying to look as masculine as possible, then I remember I'm butt-naked. My eyes widen as I feel fluids dripping down my leg.

"Come on Eren, put some clothes on. I want to take you somewhere on your day off." My father says looking over my body. His eyes linger on my shoulders and I look down at one to find red and purplish bruises on it. I gulp and find the courage to look back up at him. He looks up at me with what at first sight looks like disgust, but looks more like sorrow upon further evaluating. Dad? "Ugh. Get dressed." He says quietly. "It smells awful in here."

After I get dressed my father takes me to get breakfast. "How are your grades?" He asks looking over my face.

"All A's." I say bringing a spoon of oatmeal to my mouth.

"You look horrible. Have you been getting any sleep?" He asks.

"Wow thanks dad, yes I have." I say picking up a piece of toast.

"Hahahaha." He laughs. "So how are... The girls here?" He asks looking me in the eye intensely.

"Th-the girls?" I ask panicky. I remember Mikasa rubbing her body against me. I remember her breasts and that warmth on my thigh.

"Ah your cheeks are red. What are you hiding?" He asks.

"H-h-hiding? Nothing." I say touching my warm face.

"Oh? Now you're stuttering. What was that on your shoulders Eren?" Father says raising his voice.

A few people around us stare. I shyly look around the restaurant. "Dad, people are looking." I say quietly.

"Was she any good Eren? Did she ride you well?" He asks angrily.

"Dad?!" I yell.

"Eren, these- these whores out here have your worst interest at heart. Don't you understand? How could you be so stupid?"

"Dad, you don't even know anything!" I shout.

He pounds his palms on the table making the utensils and plates clatter and the people around us look. "I know more than you! I've been out here before. You've spent, what? Three months here, and now you think that you know everything. I know how manipulative these girls out here can be. I'm your father! I know! I know what kind of girls are out here! Think about Sasha!" He yells.

"Don't bring Sasha into this! You think you know everything? You think I'm having sex with some girl?" I yell back. I feel so hot. This anger is overpowering.

"I know you are. The way you were acting the last time I was here, your bruises, waking up without clothes on, the smell in your room-" My father growls.

"Well hahaha! The jokes on you father! I'm not having sex with a girl!" I say standing up and over him.

"Yes. You. Are."

"It's a guy!" I yell and the people eavesdropping gasp and giggle. My father looks confused.

"It's a guy? It's a guy? What's a guy? What are you talking about?" He asks.

"The person I've been fucking just about every night is a guy. It's a fucking guy. Someone with a penis, just like me!" I say and I look down at my dad. He looks absolutely disgusted. I plop back down in my seat and laugh. I laugh loudly and from deep within my belly. That's the face I thought he'd make.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is way angst-ier than I intended. (Shrugs)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this could be considered a mini chapter

The clock's hands seem to slow down as I sit in the spotlight of onlookers and my father. His eyebrows are both twisted so far up that his forehead has rolled into his scalp.

"What exactly are you saying Eren?" My father asks softly.

I scoot closer to him, leaning forward from across the table. "How could I be any more specific? Do you want details?" I ask.

My father shakes his head and his lips curl downwards. "No, no, no, not a son of mine." He says. "No, no, no, god please." He repeats over and over again.

I decide to talk over him. "I had a bully, he protected me from him so many times father. I love him. He loves me. I mean he's never said it but, I thought he did in a dream. The next day he confirmed that I wasn't dreaming, that he had actually said he loved me. Then, the love we make-" a quick sharp stinging rips across on my face cutting me off, and my whole neck jerks to the side. I raise my hand up to my burning cheek and stroke the flesh tenderly. He hit me? I haven't been hit since I was seven years old.

"Shut up!" He yells.

"Oh my god! What's wrong with y-" another quick one whips across my face.

"You filthy pig. Don't you dare call The Lords name after admitting to all of that." He says standing up. My ear is ringing and I'm too stunned to move. I had been hit twice. My eyes start to water. My father digs through his pocket and just throws random bills onto the table of unfinished food. He then grabs my elbow and rips me out of my seat, dragging me out of the restaurant.

"Get in the car." He says and I slowly comply. The ride back to the school is silent. I just sit in the back with watery eyes and a hand on my assaulted cheek. He recites prayers that hit me right in the center. I'm just in love with someone, is it really that wrong? He begins to cry during one of his prayers and that's another hit right at my center. The water in my eyes is released and I begin to cry to. "My boy. My boy has fallen god! Please give him back to me." He cries.

"I'm not dead." I whimper. "I'm right here."

"No! You are dead. You've killed yourself. Repent! Atone for this disaster!" He yells. He loses control of the car for a second, trying to shoot me a glare, but turns the wheel and sets things straight.

"Watch the fucking road!" I yell. I see his eyes widen in the mirror. "I just want you to accept the fact that I found love." I cry. I cover my face in my hands. "It shouldn't matter if it's a boy or girl. I'm your son. That's what matters. I don't have a mom anymore, you're all I have and if you don't support me, who will?" I say crying harder than I did in the shower after that first time Levi had penetrated me.

"Don't cry Eren. No father wants to see his son cry." He says with a sniffle.

"I don't want to see you cry either. I just want you to accept the kind of love-"

"You're only 16 Eren, you don't know what love is!" He yells.

"How could you say that! How could you- of all people, say that! My whole fucking life I've been showed what love is. I love Jesus and you can't change my mind about that. That's something you taught me! How on earth would I not know what love is?" I yell.

"Loving Jesus, and some pervert fondling you... That's two completely different... FREAKING THINGS." My father yells back at me.

A car approaches our unsteady one. Why is it even in our lane, this is a one way. "Dad!" I yell. The car in front of us blows it's horn loudly and it's then that I realize that we're in the wrong lane. A herd of cars approaches from behind the one we're facing. My dad quickly swerves around the car and makes a daring U-turn. "Just watch the road." I cry into my hands again.

"It's god! He's angry with us. Stop crying Eren. This might not be all your fault. Who's this guy that defiled you?" He asks.

"I wasn't defiled." I sob.

"When I find that guy I'll-" my father says pounding harshly on the steering wheel.

"Stop. It's my fault. It's no ones but mine. Everything he did- it was to help me. It was all to help me." I try to explain. I've never seen my father like this and the only thing I can do is cry.

"Help? Did you just say this person, by raping you, stripping away your purity, common sense, and faith, helped you? That's it we're leaving. You're going to a different school-"

"No."

"An all Christian school-"

"No!" I sob. "I'm sorry."

"An all boy- a school with only tutors."

"I'll atone, father please. I won't talk to him again. Please let me stay." I say, fresh urgent tears spill out of my eyes onto my soggy face.

"Sasha would never want you now. It's not like I can bring something as corrupted as you back into the convent. I'll be humiliated, excommunicated. You'll be humiliated." He says pulling into a parking space in front of my school.

"Father, father please? Please, don't take me out of here." I say hugging around the car seat and his chest. I place my chin on his shoulder. "Father, please. I promise I'll only focus on my work." I say tightening my hug. My father, usually a warm easygoing man, feels cold beneath my fingers.

"Let go of me, queer." He says opening his car door and breaking free from my embrace. "And stop calling me father." He says and I watch him walk into my school. I hold onto the car seat and cry against it for a while. He hates me. My own father hates me, god hates me, who else hates me?

Levi. He doesn't hate me. Jean. He doesn't either. Bertholdt and Rei- Bertholdt doesn't. Miss Petra doesn't. Mikasa doesn't.

I clean my face up a bit, wiping snot and tears onto my sleeves and I walk into the school as naturally as possible.

"And this sort of thing happens all the time?" I hear my father's voice from around the corner.

"Yeah it's common. Teen years, those are the years where the hormones are all over the place. Hahaha I'm sure you can relate Mr. Jaeger." Some woman's voice says flirtatiously.

"No." My father barks simply. "I just need to know who's been in my son's dorm." He says anxiously.

I cover my mouth with my hands. No way.

"Well, when I think of it one person does come to the top of my mind when I think of people who have been in your sons dorm." She says. I shake my head.

"Really? What kind of a person is he?" My father asks.

"Well, he's quite the athlete I'll tell you that." She says. No! No! No! This is bad. This is really bad.

"I meant physically, so I could find this guy." He says.

"Oh, I know who the guy is already..." She trails off.

"Okay who is it?" My father asks, speaking quickly. My eyes begin to water and my throat swells. No, this can't be happening.

"Telling you the name would be pointless if you don't even know what the guy looks like. I think.." The woman says sighing deeply. "I think you'd better come with me." She says then I can hear the click of her heels and the clack of my dad's dress shoes starting down the hall.

I have to warn Levi. This isn't good. I have to tell him. He has no family and neither do I now, we could run away together. Levi, I'm so sorry. If only I hadn't said anything. This is all my fault. If I hadn't been masturbating in the bathroom that one time, none of this would have happened.

How am I going to find Levi? He's not here, there's no school today. This can't wait until tomorrow, this is urgent. Where could he be? I don't know where he lives. Crap. I'm so useless. Oh...

There is one place... It's a bit of a stretch but there's one place he could be. I run out of the school. 

I'm betting everything that I have that he's here. He has to be. My running turns into a jog, and my jogging turns into a walk. It's still early, the probability that he's here is pretty high. I pass the familiar college and then I start my jog back up.

"Levi." I say to the smiling lady at the counter of the nursing home.

"Pardon?" She says.

"Is Levi... Here?" I ask between breaths.

"Ahhhh man! You literally just missed him. Seems as if you walked in right after he walked out." She says.

"Fuck!" I curse. She stares at me blankly. "I-I'm sorry." What's come over me?

So I'll have to wait until tomorrow... Unless he's arrested or something. My eyes tear up again.

I walk back to my school and make my way to my room. In the hall right by the gym I see Jean in his cross country outfit. Ha, so Petra made them practice today?

"Jean?" I call, my voice a little croaky from all the crying.

Jean urgently shakes his head at me and shoos me away with his hand.

"And where's Eren now?" I hear my father's voice rumble. I turn the corner and hide to eavesdrop again.

"He said he needed some air so he's walking around campus." Jean says in a monotone voice. Is he trying to sound like Levi?

"Air?"

"Yeah because you've been poisoning his." Jean barks.

"Poison? Let's talk about poison. My son was one of the best Christians at the convent-monastery, you showed him sex and other dirty things that no 16 year olds should know about." My father spits back. "Do you know what you're doing to him?"

"What I'm doing to him? What I'M doing to him? What about what you're doing to him? Do you know what you're doing to him? Look, I love your son, you're the only one that's against him. He needs you the most right now, he's 16 and he's figuring himself out. He needs his fucking dad, but who was there giving him a pep talk on his bed, patting his back, and wiping his tears? Sure as hell wasn't you old man so back off." Jean says.

I frown in confusion. What's happening? Does my father think Jean is my lover? Jean's playing along? Oh! Jean has gone into my room before! I cry a tear of joy. Levi is safe. Now, I at least know that for a while I will be under surveillance.

"I'm trying to do what's best for Eren's soul." Father says. "Not ten minutes of pleasure-"

"Fuck Eren's soul. What about the kid himself. He needs you now. His soul can wait, you have his whole life to try and do something for his soul. I don't know what you've done to him this time, but it seems like every time you show up Eren changes. He's always so happy... And then you show up. You act like you're completely innocent Grisha Jaeger." Jean says.

"I-I... How do you know my first name?" My father asks. I frown intently. What's going on.

"Never mind that. Let's leave it at this for today." Jean says sternly.

"Leave my son alone or I'll yank him right out of this school." My father says.

"I won't. Goodbye now." Jean says sassily.

My father's quick footsteps come towards my direction and I'm forced to take the long way to my room. I exhaustively plop down on my bed. Jean is a true friend. I'm so blessed.

My doorknob twists and I roll my eyes. What does my father want now? Is he going to continue his rant how I'm a disgrace? Is he going to tell me I'm not his son again? Is he going to find some nonexistent way to make me feel even worse about myself? "What dad?" I groan.

The door swings open and Levi's standing before me. He's breathing unevenly and he looks clammy, as if he'd just broke a sweat. Did he run here? His eyes just stay fixed on me as his lips curl into a smile and he drops to his knees.

I roll out of bed and stumble over to him. Once I'm in front of him I drop to my knees and pull him into the tightest hug.

"My spine." He complains but I don't care. I need this hug. I need this warmth from the one person that I know will remain warm for me. I need this warmth from the man who will never grow cold under my fingers. I need his love to wrap around me the way his arms are right now.

This time when my eyes water, I don't try to fight the tears or hold them back, I just let them out and it feels so good. "I thought I mentioned before I didn't want to see you crying again." He says and I do that gross thing where you laugh in the middle of sobbing.

"Just shut up and hug me." I say shakily and his hands gently rub up and down on the length of my back. The tears stop streaming down my cheeks. Maybe I've been crying so much that I've somehow run out of tears.

He laughs gently, so close to my ear that I shudder. "Seems like it's been a long day for both of us." He says.

I laugh again. "What are you doing here?" I mumble against his neck.

"Petra told me your father was going to pull you out of the school and I just..." He pauses. "I didn't want to be too late again." He says quietly.

"Too- too late?" I ask. Is that a reference to his mother?

"And lose someone I love again." He says even quieter. I thought I couldn't cry anymore, but there's fresh tears streaming down my face. These tears aren't like the ones I've been crying all day, these are a different kind. These are tears I wouldn't mind remembering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like Jean's character development. I wasn't going to write this chapter until Friday but I was just super excited about it so I had to like write this out


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Added a chapter

I reach out for Levi's arm as he scoots toward the edge of my bed.

"Where are you going?" I ask, my voice croaky from sleep or crying yesterday.

Last night was the best ever, just cuddling up to Levi and inhaling his scent was enough for me. I've never felt so comfortable in all my life.

"It's like 3 a.m I have to shower and stuff. There's school today, you should get your ass up in the next hour." He says standing to his feet.

"Levi?" I call, sitting up in my bed. He turns, looking down at me with his tired eyes. "Love you." I say hopefully. I know he said it yesterday, but I want to make sure it wasn't a mistake.

"Who does?" He asks gently, taking a step closer to me.

"I-I do and you love me too." I say nodding.

He chuckles warmly and walks towards me, stopping in front of me. He kindly tangles his hand in the hair at the back head and smiles down at me. As I curl my lips into a smile he yanks my head up and captures them in warm kiss. Before I have time to embrace him he releases my lips with a loud smack. His warm face was just connected with mine. I'm so happy.

"I never said the words 'I love you' in that order." He says sliding his hand out of my head. He yanks on my nose and I swat his hand away.

"Eren sometime, would you like to come to my house?" He asks.

"I might just have to live there." I say with a hurt chuckle.

"I'd be glad-"

"That was a joke." I say cutting him off.

"No really. If you don't want to.. Or can't go back to that community of yours you can live with me. I live alone anyway." He says grabbing the doorknob.

"You want me to live with you so bad huh?" I ask playfully but I'm kind of afraid of his response.

He shrugs his shoulders. "Honestly it doesn't make me any difference. Whatever works for you." He says slipping out of the room. The door quietly shuts and I hear his feet in the hall.

The smell in the air is different. In my room ever since I met Levi it's only smelled like sex and regret, but today there's a sweet aroma in the air. It smells pink, not the color, the feeling. A calm relaxing spring breeze, flower petals; I inhale deeply.. It smells like Levi. He clung onto me so tightly last night, still holding me in the morning. What is this new feeling bubbling up inside of me? Confidence?

Someone loves me... Not my father... But someone. Someone is enough for me.

Today in advisory Levi doesn't look at me at all, as if purposely avoiding my eyes. I watched him the full ten minutes and he didn't look at me even once. When the bell rings I'm wondering what I've done, if anything. Maybe I'm being clingy. I find that I do expect his attention 24/7. I should probably ask to be sure.

"Um... Levi?" I ask walking up to him as he finishes taking attendance at his desk. He looks up at me briefly then returns his eyes to the paper. I quickly but gently settle my fingers on his chin, lifting his face so his eyes meet mine. "Levi." I say again.

He chuckles softly and the vibrations of his voice goes down my spine in a chill. I feel warm all of a sudden. "You're so spoiled Eren." He says removing my hand from his face.

"S-spoiled?" I ask loudly in offense.

"Yes, spoiled. You're not my only student." He says. I feel my cheeks getting red with embarrassment and slight anger. So I was being clingy. "Don't be embarrassed." He says returning his attention to his papers on his desk, and it ironically makes me even more embarrassed. "I actually think the face you're making right now is sort of cute." He mutters before snorting. I can't tell if that was serious or not.

He thinks I'm cute? That makes my heart flutter and my knees weak. If I fell what would he say?

"If you don't get out of here you're going to be late and I'm not writing you a pass." He says looking back up at me. I squint my eyes down at him. "What's with that dirty look? I'm trying to help you." He says with an odd, confused smile.

I just stare down at him. He's such a beautiful creature. Like where did this person even come from? How is it that a man like him is still single? I don't ever want to leave his side. The minute bell rings and I'm waken from my daze. I walk quickly towards the door and Levi laughs. "What an idiot." He says and I look back at him. He's shaking his head with the most fitting smile I've ever seen on him.

I avoid Mikasa in the halls and surprisingly I haven't seen Jean yet today. Maybe he's going to come late because he was "giving it to his girl" like on the first day of school.

I sigh, I have some pleasant and some very unpleasant memories of Jean. I'm glad we've become friends. My appreciation for him is so deep and I have the utmost respect for him.

"Hey Eren." Jean says, I know his voice. I turn around to see him.

"Jean!" I yell. He throws his arm around my shoulder and walks me to my next class.

"You better be training hard for the upcoming spring competition. You have like a month. Stop playing house with you-know-who and get some work done." He says teasingly.

"Well you better win all your cross-country races instead of playing newly-wed with you-know-who." I say back.

"Hey! That was hurtful." He says with a laugh. I laugh too. "Maybe I raised you wrong." He says and we both laugh. I stop after disturbing flashbacks of the fights I've had with my father recently.

I silently slink into my class.

When it's time for lunch I'm excited to see Levi again. When I walk into his class I strut up to him and grab him into a painfully tight hug. "Eh- you're crushing me!" He says and I release him finally. "What's gotten into you Eren? You never show me affection." He says.

"I love you." I say.

"Stop saying that already." He says with fake irritation.

"Levi, you don't have to be embarrassed. We love each other." I say.

"What a strange assumption." He says.

"I want to hear you say it then." I say.

"Nope." He says right before the lunch bell rings.

"Then deny it if you don't love me." I say nodding my head.

He thinks for a moment. "Nope." He says simply.

"Levi?" I whine and Levi winces as if my voice brings him physical pain. I'm sorry but I just really want him to say it again.

"I've never liked that whining voice of yours." He says placing a hand on his crotch. "Mm just as I thought... It's getting hard." He says. I back away from him and shake my head.

"Not right now." I say seriously. I'm not going to have sex with him in here. No.

"... I guess I was lying. Your whining voice seems to go straight here." He says stroking himself through his pants.

"No, not right now Levi." I say. "Later." I add when he takes a step towards me.

"Come on Eren. Give me a quick round." He says walking me into a desk. He stands on the top of his toes to talk directly into my face. "Even if you just use your mouth." He says grabbing one of my hands. He places it on his half-erect penis.

"Woa." Someone says calmly and Levi jumps back away from me. It's Jean.

"What do you want Jean?" I ask and to be completely honest I'm a little disappointed that he interrupted.

"Woa sorry to impose when you two are having a moment..." Jean rambles with gross laughter.

"What do you want?" Levi asks with his hands on his hips.

"We should all talk like after school." He says.

"Can't. Eren and I have a club." Levi says.

"I mean after the club tomorrow." He says.

"Okay. Get out." Levi says.

"So you will?" Jean asks.

"No"

"Yes"

Levi and I say at the same time.

"We'll be there." I assure.

Jean nods and smiles nastily before leaving.

"I should get going too." I say.

"You have lunch detention tomorrow." Levi says. "For leaving me." He adds as he walks to his seat. "Go ahead." He says shooing me out. I shrug and leave.

I stomp into his classroom for lunch detention. "Ugh! I was going to sit by Jean today in lunch." I complain placing my lunch on my advisory desk.

"Good job getting an 100% on your English test. I thought you were stupid." He says.

"So you want me here so you can insult me?" I ask.

"Or I just wanted to eat lunch with you. Is that a crime?" He asks. I shrug and sit into my chair. "Wait! Before you settle in, go get my lunch." He says handing me money. I roll my eyes and stand back up. "Hurry up." He adds.

On my way back from the teacher's lounge I see Mikasa on the stairs. I try to pretend I didn't see her and walk past her. However I can feel her staring me down and as we are passing each other she opens her mouth to speak.

"Wait, Eren." She says.

I turn towards her. "Oh Mikasa? Hi." I say.

"Look, I get it okay? You're not into me. I thought you thought I wasn't attractive or something-"

"No! I don't think that." I say.

"But then I realized it's because you're gay." She says and I frown slightly.

"Well my sexuality is... I mean I haven't even really... With a girl so... I mean I could be gay-"

"I've seen the way you look at Levi." She says with a knowing smile. "It's the same way all of us girls do. We want what we can't have. We'll spend the rest of this year watching knowing we can never do more than that, never touch." She says genuinely.

I smile. Why is my stomach quivering? I begin to laugh uncontrollably. I hold my stomach, trying to calm my jitters.  
"We want what we can't have?" That's hilarious. I walk past her on the stairs unable to stifle my laughter. Levi frowns at me as I sit his food on a desk near mine, finally calming down.

"What are you laughing at?" He asks.

"Nothing." I say grabbing the desk I laid Levi's food on. I move it right across mine then I connect them so they create one table. "Today you eat here." I say.

"Don't tell me what to do." Levi says looking at me as if I had just offended generations of his family.

"Come on." I say dragging a chair to the desk. He hesitates for a moment, then sits in front of me. It looks like he might change his mind any second.

"So Eren, what are your plans for college?" He asks unwrapping his food.

"I was thinking about going to yours." I say quietly.

"Oh... You're going to stalk me then?" He asks.

"No!" I say raising my voice just a little bit beyond average.

"But you know about the competitions that I go to twice a year. So you're going to that college so you can still see me at least twice a year after you graduate."

"As if you could handle just seeing me twice a year." I bark back.

"Mmmm... You're right." Levi says and I feel his foot move under the table.

"Hm?"

He rubs his leg up and down on my own, disheveling our pants and ultimately making the bare skin of our legs stroke one another's. It makes me shudder in excitement. His warmth feels so nice against my leg, but I know what he's doing. "No sex today." I say.

"What! Why not?" Levi asks and he sounds really disappointed as if he was looking forward to it all day.

"Nope. Yesterday I only got 58 pull-ups. I need to improve. I can't improve if you try to f me every ten minutes." I say.

"If I try to 'f' you huh?" He says snickering gently.

"Yeah... You know... The bad word." I say.

His lips bend in a smile and I wonder what I've done to deserve it.

During English Levi actually looks at me a lot with this strange look and that strange look translates to bedroom eyes. He's going to take me, I can tell he's at his limit.

At practice when I jump onto the bar he walks over from his punching bag and watches me. When I get to 40 I feel one of his hands snake up my leg. "Eren, I need to feel your skin...." He says. Another one of his hands walks up my leg. "I need to feel it against mine. I need you under me right now. I can't wait anymore. I'm hard, I'm ready." He says rubbing his cheek against my leg. "Come on Eren." He says tugging on my leg.

"NO SEX TODAY!" I say and I mean it. I really mean it. I won't give in just because of how badly he needs it.

 

Levi pulls his shirt over his head then lowers his face to seize control over my lips again. They're already wet and throbbing from the last two urgent kisses. He pulls my underwear down and then flips me onto my stomach and knees. I moan softly in protest. He lays on top of me and grabs one of my hands. Pulling it to the back, he places my hand on his rough scars. "You feel that?" He asks breathlessly. I nod. "This is what you did to me, because you couldn't handle a little dick." He whispers into my neck before sucking and biting the skin.

"A little?" I ask sarcastically. I shouldn't have felt pity for him and left fitness early.

"Now you're a pro at it aren't you? You can handle it right? You can handle everything I've got for you now can't you?" He asks parting my hole with his thumbs. "Answer me." He demands.

"N-no, yes." I say.

"Well which one is it?" He asks pressing his erection against my boiling flesh.

"No." I reply without air.

"Hm? Confidence is low. Let's test it then." He says pushing in.

I clutch my sheets tightly in my hands as he jerks through the hard ring. "Mmmm!" Is all I'm able to mutter.

"It's tighter." Levi says still pushing in further. "That's no surprise with how hard you've been working out and your dick is a little longer too." He says sliding his hand around my thigh to settle on my penis. He squeezes the tip tightly and I moan out. I decide to look into the mirror that is still behind my bed. My eyes are watery and my face is a lewd pink, ready for any action from Levi. "Remember this Eren, I'm not going to kiss your ass. Well literally I just might but figuratively that's not something I'm going to do. I'm not gonna sit in a hammock with you, tell you I love you, and act all lovey-dovey." He says and he stops pushing. My breathing doesn't slow though. "But, let me tell you one more thing. I can be as rough as you like, as mean and controlling as you need," he says pushing the rest of his length inside of me and I squeal in pain-laced pleasure. I try to relax my lower muscles as I desperately attempt to keep up with Levi's demanding pace. He thrusts into me deeply, sharply and quickly and I'm a moaning wreck. "Or, I could be nice to you." He says and he flips me back onto my back.

This time, he slowly pushes his penis back into me and he slowly pulls out. He makes a pattern of this and as he brushes hair out of my face I realize what's going on. I'm being made love to. "Just lay there and take it." He says as I begin to whimper. "You feel it don't you? The way I'm giving it to you has changed. You feel good don't you, you feel my emotions in every thrust." He says and it feels wet and sloppy in between my legs. He's getting ready to ejaculate. "How does it make you feel Eren?" He asks.

"I-I..." I say. My stomach cuts me off by contracting and I cum all over Levi's lower stomach. "Feel... Good." I say quivering as he continues to softly thrust. This way doesn't hurt at all.

"I love you.... And not just when we're having sex... Or making love... It's just that this feels like the appropriate time to say it. Move in with me." He says.

In that moment I stopped listening to the sounds of crunching leaves that Levi's penis makes when it is pushed inside of me, I stopped listening to my own whining and moaning, and I gave Levi my full attention. He grunts and grabs my hips tightly. "Ah, shit! Eren! Thank you for helping me. Thank you for loving me." He says and I feel him shoot inside of me.

"Thanks for loving me." I say clinging onto him as he collapses onto me. I gently rub the scars I inflicted on him.

"I-I love you." He says unsteadily. When he pulls out he curses. "Shit there was a lot this time." He says and I believe him, I feel his cum pouring out of me.

In the morning I'm not too sore. I'm a little shaky, but not too much. My hips hurt a little. It feels as if they expanded slightly to accommodate Levi inside of me.

Oh crap, yesterday we were supposed to talk to Jean. I mentally shrug as I head for my shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos. I love all of the comments and I read them right away. Thanks so much for reading


	16. Chapter 16

After weeks of mild sadness, awkward prayer, playtime with Levi, and postponing our talk with Jean, it's finally spring. That being said my training in the gym has gotten serious.

I feel immensely horrible and apologetic because last night I accidentally popped  two of Levi's fingers out of socket. With the competition this Saturday, for the first time in six years he won't be able to participate. It's his fault, but I still feel bad.

Today since we don't have school we decided to meet with Jean to talk at that stupid coffee shop Levi and I, and my father and I went to. I wonder if the people in here recognize me. I really did make a scene the last time I was here. I'm surprised to see Petra sitting next to Jean, I didn't know she'd be joining us.

Petra frowns when she sees Levi's cast and I feel guilty. "Woah! What happened?" She asks as we both sit across from them.

Levi looks at me for a moment until I lower my head, then with his right healthy hand he rubs my back. I look up at him and he's smiling, across the table Jean and Petra are smiling at each other too.

"Good morning." Jean says clearing his throat.

"Good morning." I say and Levi nods once. "Oh! Levi. I just remembered after all this time I never told you why I was ignoring you that one time. You seemed pretty hurt." I say looking into his eyes.

He shrugs. "I thought you told me already." He says.

"No. My father, he came and he basically disowned me. He told me not to go to the community after having done everything I've done..." Levi looks uncomfortable. I look across the table and Jean and Petra both look uncomfortable. "What?"

"Okay, I don't have all the details.." Jean starts and I join everyone in the confused uncomfortable expressions. "Your father... He used to sleep with my mother." Jean says. "A lot." He adds.

My frown tightens. "Don't make that face. It's ugly." Levi says and I loosen my frown a little.

"What do you mean?" I ask grabbing Levi's cold fragile fingers. He removes his bad hand from mine, replacing it with his good one.

"Well my mother lost her job a few times... She'd tell me this story a lot... I wasn't born yet but she'd sleep with your father for money. Their relationship started when she was a freshmen at the school we go to." Jean squeezes out. He seems disgusted. I just keep frowning this doesn't make sense. How could I believe this.

"Wipe that look off of your face. Are you even understanding what he's saying?" Levi asks. "Your father has no reason to judge you. I was the one who found interest in you and I pursued you. When your father was eighteen he decided that he would sleep with a thirteen year old." Levi says. "We basically did the same thing, but do you see the problem here?" Levi asks.

"Your father is religious, and Levi isn't." Jean clears up. My frown turns into a smirk and Levi looks mortified.

"Stop acting so creepy." He says and I begin to chuckle.

"Tell me it gets better." I say.

"It gets better." Petra nods. "You see Jean's mother told him that your father's been plumbing her since she was a freshmen, even in college. He payed her tuition-"

"Damn, he payed her whole tuition? She must have known her way around a dick." Levi interrupts, chuckling and my laughter gets more intense.

Jean looks disgusted and he rubs his temples. "Levi, can you act more sensitively?" Petra asks. "You're acting really immature." She adds.

"Look who I'm dating... Look who you're dating." He snaps back. He and I continue laughing. Petra starts groaning in complete annoyance. She reaches across the table and smacks me fiercely on the cheek. That stops Levi and I from laughing. "Don't do that again." Levi says shaking his head.

"Eren?" Petra says. "Do you understand what I'm telling you?" She asks.

"My father told me when he turned eighteen he came back to the community, which is what we're supposed to do. Then we get our college education from inside the community and after college we find a wife, wait a year after marriage, then have sex and try for children. Are you telling me he committed adultery and broke every last rule I just stated?" I ask.

Petra and Jean nod. "Nobody's perfect Eren. Your father had no right to belittle you on what you've done. Besides it's this perverts fault for going after you." Jean says glaring at Levi. I guess he didn't think Levi's joke was as funny as I did.

"Jean's right. Not only did your father have no right to disown and treat you wrongly, but he did worse." Petra says. "Much worse." She adds.

"And that's all I know about it. Who knows what else your father's done?" Jean says.

"So let's change this gloomy subject to something more positive... And for the old man, something easier to joke around about." Petra says.

"I'm 34, you're 35." Levi says.

"Just turned." Petra says.

"You're still older than me, cougar." Levi says and he, Jean, and I all laugh. Petra can't hold it in and she starts to giggle.

"You two are so different. I wonder what sex is like between you two." Petra says. "Who bottoms?" She asks.

"I bottom." Levi says and we all laugh again. That was a pretty stupid question. "That was dumb Petra." Levi says.

"Not as dumb as you breaking fingers on a punching bag." She snaps back this time only Jean laughs and I groan.

"I didn't break my fingers on the punching bag, Eren can explain what happened." He says looking at me. I shake my head and turn away from the table. Levi let's go of my hand and grabs my jaw, turning my face towards his. "Tell them Eren." He says. With my lips poking out from the force of Levi's grip I wouldn't be able to say anything. I look down at Levi's mouth and I'm so tempted. His lips look soft and his mouth looks wet and welcoming. I move my face closer to his and then stop. He copies me, lowering his hand to my throat he opens his mouth a little wider as he moves in. When we make contact he sticks his tongue into my mouth and I shiver and moan in pleasure. Jean loudly clears his throat and it makes me jump and accidentally bite Levi's tongue. Levi quickly pulls back and kicks Jean's leg.

"Ow!" He says, pausing his laughter. Petra continues to laugh.

"Why would you interrupt that?" She asks Jean, still laughing uncontrollably. I'm wondering the same thing.

"I don't know." He says crouching down to run his leg.

"Okay. If you don't mind I'm not going to take any parts out okay." I warn.

"O-okay." Petra says with final giggles.

"Last night After we did it, I told him I was tired and my back hurt and I needed sleep. But he still wanted to do more. He said we either do more now or we do it the night before the competition, and we know from last time that's not a good idea. I agreed and-"

"What position?" Petra interrupts.

"Let him talk." Levi answers.

"And yeah so I agreed and let him put it back in again-"

"Then you asked me to hold your hand." He says.

"Let him talk." Petra mimics.

"Well Levi says that I asked him to hold my hand but I remember him just grabbing it. He locked his fingers with mine then all of a sudden he just slammed into me, he thought that was a good idea. My reflexes and adrenaline kicked in and I instinctively bent his fingers back." I explain.

"Who instinctively bends someone's fingers all the way back to the other side of their palm? I've never heard of that." Levi mutters under his breath.

"Well once Eren described your size to me and uh... I think it could happen." Jean says and I give him a death stare. Levi doesn't need to know that I talk about him.

"You talk about me huh?" Levi says putting his hand on my thigh. "You talk about my dick to people." He asks sliding his hand to my penis. He squeezes it gently. Petra and Jean giggle and whisper to each other. 

"He asked and I answered." I reply.

"Mhm. Okay. So when someone asks me I should tell them how small yours is?" He asks purposely trying to get me fired up.

"It's not THAT small. I'm not a monster like you, but I'd say I'm average." I say angrily. Why is it that I always make a fool of myself in this restaurant.

"That's true I guess." Levi says curling his fingers inside of my pants. I moan softly as his fingers come into contact with my warmth. "But when it gets hard," Levi says bringing his face close to mine. I pucker my lips but he turns his head and puts his mouth against my ear. "When it gets hard, it gets bigger right? How long does it take you to cream once you've gotten hard?" He whispers.

"Don't ask me that, we're in public." I say, futilely pressing my knees together closer.

"When my hand gets better I'm going to- I'll tell you later." He says sliding his hand out of my pants and licking my earlobe.

"Eren your face is bright red, what did Levi just tell you?" Jean asks with a snort.

"Petra, Jean told me what sex was like between you two. He said your lady parts were like a baby's mouth." I tattle. I'm glad I got the subject off of me. Petra frowns at him and he smiles nervously. She lightly punches him in the chest.

I'm glad that for the rest of the time we're at the restaurant we don't talk about my father. I can't believe what I've learned here today. I don't feel bad or disgusted, if anything I feel relieved. We're all human and we all make mistakes. Even someone who claims they are perfect is not. As humans we learn from our mistakes not reprimentions and warnings. I'd be able to forgive my father today only because I understand now, because I felt as if what I was doing was wrong and gross. I don't understand why my father can't accept who I am now, even though he's been through similar circumstances. I won't dwell on it though, I won't waste any thought on someone who can't accept who I am.

The rest of the day I spend at Levi's house telling him about myself, about Sasha, and more about the community.

"Wow you didn't have T.v in that hell hole?" He says. I nod.

"Just family and god." I say.

"I guess it was fine for you because you didn't know what you were missing out on." He says.

I chuckle. "The first day I came here my father and I watched T.v for at least four hours." I say and I feel a little twinge of pain. None of us are able to talk for a while.

"What was your mother like?" He asks.

I shrug and snort. "I never knew her. But I heard..." I say and he plops down on the couch next to me. "I heard she was wonderful." I finish.

"Oh yeah?" Levi asks.

"Yes. She lit up the room whenever she walked in. My father didn't think he had a chance with her because everyone wanted to marry her... Carla was her name. She was full of life, beautiful," I sigh. "My father said she kind of looks like Sasha and I guess that's what made me prefer Sasha over the few girls who like me over at the convent." I say.

"So-"

"I have her brown hair and skin tone and smile." I say proudly, accidentally cutting Levi off.

"Then she must have been beautiful." He says.

I look over at his smiling face and return the smile. A spark flows through my veins and I suddenly feel the urge to cry. My cheeks feel warm and I know I'm blushing. Levi's injured fingers grab my hand and I raise them to my lips.

"My father says she died a few weeks after I was born. He never told me how or why." I mumble against his hand.

With his good hand he pats my head softly. "Sometimes it's better not to know why. When people die you don't want to think about how sad it is, or how unfortunate it is. You don't want to think of the family they leave behind. You want to think about the legacy they left. What made them so magnificent. Don't think about the part of them that died, think about the part of them that lives inside of you. As your mother, she gave an egg and allowed you to grow inside of her stomach. Think about the eight or nine months you spent inside of her, wrapped inside of her love and skin. Think about that." Levi says and I feel tears dripping off of my face.

"I will." I whisper.

School the next day can only be described as Levi and Eren. Every spare moment I spend with him and at lunch time Petra and Jean join us in Levi's class. I thank Jean time and time again for pretending to be my lover in front of my father. It isn't enough, I'll do more for him sometime.

My practice today is intense. I start off with push ups and bench pressing to ready my arm muscles and poor Levi just follows me around. I still feel so guilty about his hand, but he said he only has to wait another week for his fingers to be ready for boxing. At the end of practice I'm able to do 66 pull-ups.

"Eren! You're so close!" Levi says as I jump down. He hugs me tightly and I can't stop blushing. "I know you can do it!" He adds.

Before I know it, it's the day of the competition. The bus ride there is too quick and we left later than last time so we only have 30 minutes to warm up before the competition. Levi walks in with me and comforts me. Everyone recognizes me as the kid who cried. I walk through the pointing and the laughter and get to the pull-bars.

"Eren I'll stay over here if-"

"Hey cry-baby." Levi and I turn around to see the buff guy from last season approaching.

"Listen, I'll break your fucking nose with the back of my-"

"Levi it's okay. Ignore him." I say.

"You won't beat me this time, pipsqueak. Just want you to know that. Oh and when you-"

"Bro, I don't give a fuck." I say seriously. "I mean I honestly don't."

Levi chuckles as the buff guy chooses a pull-up bar. When the competition starts everyone is breaking records. Reiner breaks Bertholdt's bench press record and some kid breaks Levi's punching bag record of 136. Levi gives me a death stare and I shrug with a smile.

"It's too bad about your fingers." The instructor tells Levi.

"Yeah I mean everyone gets hurt once and a while." Levi says.

"Aaaalright! Time for the final event!" The instructor yells into the microphone.

I'm ready. The buzzer sounds and I'm up, wasting no time at all. Five six, breathe Eren, ten eleven, wow I still have a lot of energy. I can do this. Thirty, thirty-five. Arms further apart. Chin over the bar. Fifty-five, fifty six.

"It's just you two Eren!" Levi yells.

Sixty!

"Everyone, last year's winner and runner up are right here, less than 8 away from the world record." The instructor says.

My back feels great, my arms are getting weaker but I know I can do it. My backbone is Levi, the rest of my support is Jean. Together they make up the foundation that I need.

"64!" The crowd yells.

My father is... He doesn't support who I am. My hand slips off of the bar. My palms are too sweaty.

"Eren!" Levi screams.

"If he let's go he's finished. Heh! Let's hope there are no waterworks." The instructor says.

I don't need my fucking father. I have everything I need.

"Last year's runner up has met the world record but can he beat it? He's struggling!" The instructor yells.

I place my hand back onto the bar. Up! Up!

"His form is too weak is he going to- ahh he fell." The instructor yells and my heart gets heavy.....

I'm still holding the bar. He wasn't talking about me? I'm still in. I have a chance! I grit my teeth as I hoist my self up.

"Last years winner has met the world record." I can hear the buff guys cursing and Levi's excitement from up here as I do another pull-up. "HE JUST BROKE THE WORLD RECORD!" The instructor yells.

Then all at once the sounds stops. I can't hear anything but faint breathing, my own breathing. "Eren," Levi's voice says quietly. "It's not your fault, I'm proud of you." He continues. "I love you."

My stamina is partially renewed and I growl as I do another pull up. "68! 69! 70! 71-" My hand slips off of the bar again. I quickly place it back on the bar. That memory came right in time.  Levi will always believe in my abilities.... As an athlete... As a person... "71! 72! 73! 74! 75! 76! 77!" My arms give out and I slam onto the floor.

"Get him a trophy and certificate! He has just beat the world record!" The instructor yells.

I hear Levi and a sponsor talking literally directly above me.

"His name is Eren Jaeger." Levi says.

"Tell him to get up and receive his well deserved certificate." The sponsor says. "You've worked hard. I remember feeling so bad for you last season. I'm so happy for you. You must be a proud crippled coach." The sponsor says.

"Get up Eren, you look pathetic." Levi says. My arms feel so heavy as I try to push my self up. When I finally stand I notice no one has left the gym yet. Levi hands me the certificate and trophy and everyone in the bleachers stand up and clap. I'm so happy that my eyes start watering.

Bertholdt and Reiner walk up to me and Bert pats my back. Reiner looks me in the eye then slowly joins the crowd in applause. I can't stop the cheesy smile or the happy tears that flow down my cheeks. Someone else approaches me. From the corner of my eye I can see my father. I gasp. I hand my stuff back to Levi and walk my father out of the building.

"Eren." He says once we're outside.

"Dad, I am a Christian but I am your son first. You should respect the lifestyle I've chosen. Well I didn't exactly choose it I just fell in love. No one is manipulating me, I know what I want..."

"Eren?"

"You don't have to agree with what I do but you can at least respect it..."

"Eren?!"

"If you disown me I'm perfectly fine with that I just want you to know that it is very ignorant and I am free to make-"

"Eren!" My father yells and this time I stop talking. "I'm dying!" He adds. A tears rolls down his cheek and I frown.

"What?" I ask quietly.

"I'm dying." He sobs.

"I-I-I don't understand! What are you talking about?" I ask.

"I'll tell you everything... Right now. Your mother died because of me." He says. I shake my head. "I was so hard on you, because I didn't want you to end up like me. Every night I slept with prostitutes. I spent thousands of dollars a week on prostitutes when I got here. When prostitutes were unavailable I began paying my friends.... When I was 23, I came back to the community and met your mother. She had barely came back from the outside world. She was 19 and she fell in love with me. A sweet girl like her... I tried to push her away. I didn't want her to get mixed into my mess. I prayed so hard every night to get my greedy sex temptation out of my body but nothing worked." He says.

"I don't believe you." I say shaking my head.

"Your mother, she kept pressing and pressing and nagging my father and her mother to let the two of us get married. She turned away so many guys because she thought she loved me.... A year later we got married then a year after that we started having sex, trying for a kid."

"Dad, stop." I say.

"No. You have to know this. I haven't been fair. Sometimes I would leave the community to have exciting threesomes with prostitutes and girls from my school... There was this one girl I payed her college tuition and she told me she was pregnant. I thought I was the father so I left her alone and ignored her. I was so scared of what the people at the community would think of me. With her out of my life I returned to the community and prayed and didn't leave again until your mother was pregnant and unable to have sex.... I began visiting prostitutes again. After your mother had you I had to stop sleeping around so I could help take care of you. Your mother pushed me into having sex with her one night, claiming that I didn't love her anymore, so I did... I gave her a disease, aids." he says.

"Please tell me you're making this up." I say with disgust.

"No! I wouldn't just make this up Eren. She was so depressed. Always bleeding from everywhere except her eyes. Always crying; depressed. I killed her. She hid her sickness from everyone but me. She didn't want people to see her with her loss of hair and bleeding orifices. She died alone in my bed." My father cries.

"Father. Shut up and stop crying." I say in my best Levi tone.

"What?" He sniffles.

"Did you fool around after mom died?" I ask.

"No." He says shaking his head frantically.

"Alright then. Maybe mom is quite like Jesus. Maybe her death is what brought you salvation. Her death brought you closer to god. That's kind of a good thing." I say.

"Are you saying your mother's death was a good thing?" He asks with large eyes.

"No, death is sad. Death is very sad. I didn't know my mom, but she's in my heart. I'm content with that. Everyone dies, even me one day. But as a person with influence, I'll live on in the hearts I touch. Just like mom. You knew her. She lives on in your heart. Her death had meaning and a purpose and you found your way back to god because of it. You were able to raise me as best as you could. I thank you for that." I say.

"Wow." My father says. He wipes the tears from his cheeks. "You've matured so much. My son, you've learned so much. I-I can't understand your kind of love but I'm willing to accept it. Are you willing to look past my rudeness and gross past? Are you willing to look pass the person responsible for your mother's death?" He asks.

"I understand that you were harsh because you didn't want me to end up like you. I can forgive your rudeness earlier and I accept your apology." I say.

"Thank you." He says nodding. "For however long I have left, I'm going to amend and fix everything I've done to you. I'll be the best dad I can be Eren. I wouldn't actually disown you because your my son and I love you." He says.

My eyes get watery again. I throw my arms around him and hold him tightly. His surprised hands gently land on my back. I feel so comfortable. I'm glad that he accepts me.

"I won't tell anyone at the community about your love interest." He says. That's my cue to get out of the hug.

"Father I'm not ashamed. In fact I would like if you told the people at the community." I say.

"What?" My father asks. He looks confused. "What about Sasha?"

"Well if I'm in love already, leading her on would only hurt her more. You should tell her-"

"What do you mean me?" My father asks.

I sigh. "I mean I'm not coming back to the community." I say.

My father frowns and places his hands on his hips. "W-what are you saying?" He asks.

"Dad, I can't be any clearer. I'm staying out here with my new friends and I'm going to go to college out here. I'm going to live out here with the man I love too." I say.

"There's no changing your mind?" He asks.

"No." I say shaking my head. He looks sort of sad but I know he's not going to try to convince me. 

"Okay then." He sighs and let's his hands fall from his hips. "You must really love this guy." He says.

"I do." I say smiling.

"Maybe one day I could meet him, the right way. Over dinner." He says smiling at me.

"How about in a year and a half." I say chuckling. I'll start visiting when I am 18 and able to bring Levi with me. Before today I was afraid of having this conversation with my father, but now I feel a sense of liberty. I feel free. 

"Hm?" He asks and I shake my head. "Take care of yourself Eren." He says walking to his car.

I nod. "Take care." I say and I wave him goodbye until he's down the road.

A hand slides around my waist and I instantly recognize it as Levi's. He smiles at me and I kiss him gently on the lips. I put my arm around his waist and we walk to the bus. I know that with this man I'll be in good care, I'll be happy, and content. With my friends I'll never be lonely and I'll have all the support I need. My faith is strong but my bond with my friends, lover, and father is stronger.

 

Take Care.

 

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like crying right now omg it's over.
> 
> Thank you all for the support/ kudos/ comments and yeah. I enjoyed the comments so much and some of them literally helped me shape the story. I hope you're happy with how this ended.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading lmao, take care.


	17. Easter Special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hella
> 
> Happy Easter !!

Tomorrow is Easter.

I remember how Easters have been previously. Over in the community we would all search around the picnic grounds for hidden taffy candies.

Now, now that I'm sixteen, now that I'm not in the community what will I do?

I sit in advisory with my ankles crossed and arms folded over my chest as I think. What will Easter be like? I miss learning the same tales over and over again about Jesus and his resurrection. I miss hiding around with Sasha while everyone else diligently searched for taffy. Those memories, well they're bitter sweet. The sun shone brightly over those days of my innocence. I knew not of anything but love, family, and god. I was happy and content.

When I snap back into reality Levi is standing in front of me, staring at me. I gasp and he chuckles. He places both of his hands on my desk then leans in real close to me. My eyes widen, he wouldn't... Not in front of all these people.

Little things like this make me antsy in a good way but then Jean makes fun of me about it later. I try to act cool. Softening my face and relaxing my muscles, I look back into Levi's eyes.

"Space cadet? Earth to Eren." He says.

"Yes, I'm back on earth now." I reply.

"Talking back to a teacher?" He asks with a smirk as he stands back up straight.

"No sir." I say. I catch my mistake too late. Then I have to pause and think really hard about it. It wasn't a mistake. Was I actually trying to flirt?

"Sir?" He asks looking back at me, pausing his retreat to his desk.

"Levi." I correct. A small smile appears across my face and some people near me laugh.

"Mm. That's what I thought you said. What's up with that posture? You're in a classroom not at home on the couch. Learn some respect." He says fiercely. If I didn't know Levi on a personal level I'd probably be scared out of my pants. Everyone around me glares at me as if I'm in trouble. "Well?" Levi says and I slowly sit up straight, unfold my arms, and uncross my ankles.

Jean walks in right after the bell. "Hey Jean." I say casually.

"What's up?" He says making his way to his seat.

"Hey Jean, c-" Levi begins before Jean cuts him off.

"Hey Levi." He says. Stumbling around his chair, he plops down into his seat.

"No, I wasn't greeting you. Could you be any later?" Levi asks.

"I could try harder tomorrow." Jean says and everyone in class laughs loudly.

"You mean try harder to be on time tomorrow." Levi says. He knew that wasn't what Jean meant.

"Of course." Jean replies. It's so funny that now that we're all friends, we can all disrespect each other and it isn't that big of a deal. The funniest part of it all is how little authority Levi has over Jean and I now.

"Careful Jean. Don't want to find yourself in detention." Levi mumbles.

"Isn't that spot already taken?" Jean asks. There is a moment where Levi and I instinctively look at each other, then back at Jean. "Nice to see your hand healing up. It's been what? Three weeks? You hurt your self at the spring competition three weeks ago didn't you?" Jean asks with a cocky attitude.

Levi and I look at each other again, then I just look down and wait for the bell to ring.

"Ah, quick. Before the bell rings I need to tell you guys that tomorrow there's only an hour of school because of Easter, that Christian holiday." Levi gruntles.

"That last bit was pretty unnecessary." I say boldly. I don't even think to look up at him. "Maybe you should learn a little about Easter before you try to comment on it." I add and he rolls his eyes.

"Eren you're really trying my patience here." He sighs as he sits down at his desk, then the bell rings.

As everyone files out of the classroom I slowly strut over to his desk. "Levi." I say but I don't know what I even want.

"Get to class." He says looking up at me. "Go ahead." He says waving me off. He picks a pen up from a small cup and proceeds to make marks on the paper in front of him.

I've gotten comfortable with Levi. Maybe I was too comfortable. I reach down to his hand and uncurl his fingers from around the pen. "I was trying to say something." I mutter. My fingers lock in between his.

He looks up at me in astonishment. "What the hell do you want?" He asks shaking his hand free of mine.

"Your attention." I say straightening my back. My hands fall onto my hips so I look more intimidating. I can't out-intimidate the intimidator though, his stare is enough to unsettle me.

"You've gotten too comfortable Eren." He says. I chuckle because that's what I was thinking. "No really. You really have grown some pretty big balls lately. Let's have sex sometime today so I can remind you-"

"Rejected. Jean's still making fun of me for doing it with you right after the big competition and up until the time we did it three days ago. I don't know how he just knows when we've done it. He said I didn't give my muscles a break. Besides is that old hand of yours any good?" I ask.

"You know the doctor cleared this hand up for any purpose like two days ago." He says standing to his feet.

"Did one of those purposes he mentioned include fingering me?" I ask.

"What happened to you Eren? Speaking so vulgarly-" he remarks with a fake face of surprise. "I know, you must be hot. I'll take care of you now if you want." He says reaching for my groin. I back up and the desk in between us denies him from pursuing me. "Okay but seriously, no more insubordination in class. You know I could be mean to you." He says. His face is serious.

"Okay, sorry." I say. "But for your information, I'm not hot right now. Yesterday I've accomplished something you said I wouldn't be able to do." I say with a smirk.

"What did you finally learn your Latin root words?" He asks. He laughs a little at his own joke and I find it kind of cute.

"Insult me all you want, I won." I say on my way out of his classroom.

"Wait, are you going to tell me what you've accomplished?" He asks loudly. I poke my head back into his class and smirk at him. "If you're not going to speak use that mouth for something more useful." He says lifting his hand and sliding it inside of his pants. He looks me in the eye while holding his mouth open and making sexual noises.

"Ah~ Eren don't touch me there! Don't lick me! A-ah! You're a bad boy. Don't lick daddy there." He moans. That last part convinces me to finally leave and his laughter fills the hall.

I'm pretty sure my cheeks are bright red. Besides, Levi doesn't even sound like that when we do it, he hardly makes noise at all. After the competition, when I accidentally bent his bad hand and that was the only time he actually moaned.

Sitting in classes today is excruciatingly boring.

Easter is tomorrow, I can't wait... But I can. What am I going to do? When people leave the community they usually come back for Christmas and Easter, or they choose one to come back for. I'm obliged to go. I sort of have to go.

Lunch in Levi's classroom is awkward and thick sexual tension lingers in the air.

"Eren come here." Levi says. I feel his eyes glaring at me, burning a hole in my face. I hope he doesn't want to make plans for Easter because I think I'm certain that I'm going to the monastery. He stands up and walks over to me slowly and I feel guiltier with each step. "I'm talking to you." He says. I duck low in my chair as he walks behind me. "You haven't eaten a thing." He says and I look at my brown bagged lunch that sits in front of me completely untouched. I wince as his hands settle on the area of my neck where my shoulders become my neck, low, in between my actual neck and my pressure points. "You're pretty jumpy Eren, is something going on?" He asks.

"No." I reply way too fast. His fingers slide inside of the neck of my shirt and he proceeds to give me a soft, soothing massage. His fingers are cold at first, but once they make contact with my skin, they leaves trails of fire behind them. His thumbs lightly dig into my pressure points and I melt in the chair.

"No?" He asks. He drags his warm fingers back up to the base of my neck. His thumbs stay behind my neck but his fingers create an intimidating grip. "Eren why are you lying to me? You know I know you better than that." He says. He leans forward and his lips fall against my ear. "Tell me what's wrong." He whispers and I shudder down lower into my seat. He runs his tongue along the length of my ear and I lock my knees together as a soft moan escapes me.

"Nothing's wrong, really." I say as reassuringly as I can. Maybe I should just tell him that I'm planning on going back to the monastery.

"Mm-" he hums sliding his hands off of me. My neck instantly misses the heat of his hands. "Sorry if I offended you about the Easter thing. You know I was just-"

"Yeah, yeah. Of course. It's okay Levi." I say with a fake smile. I should tell him now. While he's smiling back down at me, I should tell him right now.

The bell rings before I get to it.

In English we have to take a test so Levi talks for about ten minutes, then says nothing the rest of the hour. When everybody leaves the classroom, I'm the slowest packing up as always, and I end up alone with Levi. I stand over him as he continues to grade period five's tests. He's so diligent and hardworking.

"What?" He says without looking up or taking a break from grading. Seeing him working so hard, I just want to break his focus. I grab the collar of his button down shirt and yank him up to me suddenly. Before he has time to react I kiss him harshly on the lips. His unsuspecting hand, a claw on my upper arm, slowly softens and relaxes. I try to deepen the kiss and consequently, we end up bumping teeth.

"Fuck, Eren." He says pushing away from me. If the desk wasn't in between us I would've never let that happen.

"Sorry." I say. I just have these sudden impulses lately.

"That's the second time you've done something like that." He says. His finger lightly pats down above his tooth and there's a little trace of red on it. I made his gums bleed.

"Sorry." I say again.

"It's okay it doesn't hurt. There's no practice today or tomorrow so you can just relax tonight. Call for me if you need some help falling asleep." He says and I nod. I adjust my backpack straps and head out of the classroom. "Oh Eren." Levi calls. It was his voice that was sounding so hopeful that made me break down in guilt. "What do you want to do for Easter? Want to make plans?" He asks. I couldn't tell him.

"Um, we'll think of something tomorrow." I say with the most pitiful smile I've ever made. With a small smirk Levi returns to his desk and it breaks my heart.

"So." Jean says sitting on the foot of my bed. "Petra and I just ended things." He sighs. His body makes a flop noise as he slams his back onto my bed.

"Really? Why?" I ask.

"It just wasn't working out. We fell out of love. Happens to some people." He says looking up at my ceiling. "So that god of yours, does he really have a plan for everybody?"

I frown at the odd question, puzzled by the question. "Of course he does. He won't put you through any trials you can't handle. If you and Petra are really meant to be, god knows and you two, somehow he'll get you guys two to realize it." I say. I smile to myself because that's something my father would say.

"Ahh... So what are you and Levi doing on Easter? Isn't that a like religious holiday and you're spending it with the devil?" Jean asks sitting up.

"N-no. I'm going to the monastery." I say. It feels bad just saying it. "I chose the monastery over Levi." I add.

"So you rejected him?" Jean asks with an amused smile.

"No- no. It's not like that... It's way worse. I'm not going to tell him that I'm going." I say.

"Oooooh! Hahaha! Dude, you have to tell him." He says with a chuckle, then he suddenly stops chuckling. "No really, you have to tell him." He says.

"Alright I will." I say.

After school I hop into my dad's car with a heavy heart. I didn't tell Levi I was leaving. On the other hand I'm completely excited! Hiding in corners with Sasha, finding taffy, being with the brothers and sisters, learning the same old stories about Jesus's resurrection that is what Easter is. Easter is not screwing Levi all morning, all afternoon, and all night. Besides my body can't handle that right now, yesterday is like the only break I've received since the competition.

"Sasha's waiting for you." My father says. I smile widely. "You excited?" He asks and I nod with the dumbest smile.

When my father drives me inside of the community all the brothers and sisters surround the car. When I get out they jump all over me. They interrogate me while the adults get things ready. I tell them about Jean and girls like Mikasa and then I tell them about Levi, breifly, nothing extremely personal. Sasha approaches me. She gives me an odd look then averts her eyes. People elbow me and they elbow her until they get us next to one another and I swear there has never been anything more awkward.

When it's time to find the taffy I grab Sasha's arm much to her surprise and pull her into our spot, into our corner.

"What Eren?" She says with a horrible attitude.

"Wow. This is pretty awkward huh? Last time we did this was last year but it feels like it's been much longer right?" I ask with a gross laugh.

"What do you want?" She asks putting her hands on her small hips. I stare into her big brown eyes as I grab her hands.

"All I want is for you to forgive me. Mathew 6: 14-15." I say. I know she knows what scripture that is. That's the one about forgiveness.

She laughs a little. "You can't even quote the scripture you just tell me the name of it?" She says and we both laugh together.

An awkward silence chills me to my bones and then I'm suddenly overtaken by warmth. That warmth is the warmth of her chest pressed against my own and her arms wrap around me. "No one can help who they fall in love with. No one can help who they fall out of love with. Just tell me one thing." She whispers against my neck.

"Anything." I say wrapping my arms around her slender back.

"Did you love me?" She asks. I release her as she backs away from me to look into my eyes.

I nod. "I did." I say honestly and a tear rolls down her cheek.

"Oh, thank you." She says pulling me back into the tightest hug. She kisses me gently on the cheek and grabs my hand, leading me towards the fields where the taffy is hidden.

I hug everyone goodbye when the celebration is over. My sickly father wasn't feeling very well and went to sleep really early. I hope his disease lightens up a little. Nobody deserves to suffer for their mistakes.

I sigh as I open the large gates. I'd have to take four buses to get back to school. I stop dead in my tracks as the gates began to close behind me. There he is, leaning on the hood of his car with one leg over the other and his arms crossed over his chest. Levi.

"L-Levi?" I call. He doesn't even look up at me. I silently take a step closer. "Um I-" I cut myself off as he opens his car door and sits inside. I guess that he's offering me a ride so I slowly walk over to the passengers seat, open the door, and sit beside him. "I was going to tell you-"

"Save it." Is all Levi says.

When we finally get to the school he quietly walks to my room and I silently follow him. He brought a bottle out of his car so I wonder if he's been drinking or something.

He holds my door open for me and shuts it behind me. "Are you going to talk to me?" I ask and immediately regret it. He doesn't answer as he sits the bottle on my dresser and sits on my bed, carefully untying his shoes.

"Did you have fun?" He asks. He won't look at me. He won't look at me and it kills me. Look at me! Please!

"Y-yeah. They told us the story of Easter and we found taffy. Oh and Sasha and I-"

"Tch." He says shaking his head.

How did I forget how jealous Levi was with me and women?

"Nothing weird happened okay?" I assure him.

"That little Christian boy taking notes on the first day of school with all of his morals and rules, the second I turn away you're in the bathroom touching yourself. You know how to catch a man's eye... And a woman's." He says. Is that really why I caught his eye? Because I contradicted my beliefs?

"I already told you nothing happened." I say. I don't even know what to say.

"Being hit and bullied by someone taller and stronger than you.. You know why I chose you right? You were just like me. Strict by the rules.. You and your commandments and me not wanting to get my father locked away because it was always mother father and son, not just mother and son. Then the minute you and I accepted reality we chose what to do ourselves.." Levi says. He twiddles around with his belt buckle and pulls it out of it's loops. He stands up and walks towards me. I back up a little because of how menacing he looks carrying that belt. He wouldn't hit me with a belt would he? I wince but for nothing because all he does is hangs it on the hook on my door.

"I thought you and I got along so well because we were opposites. Maybe we're more alike than I thought." I say with a smile. My smile fades when I notice that he's still sort of angry. "Nothing happened." I say under my breath.

"Why didn't you tell me. Jean rushed in at like two o'clock saying something about your advice working, him and Petra worked it out, apparently they broke up but are back together. He said something about your god being real and then he told me where you were." He says unbuttoning his shirt. His muscles look like they've doubled in size. He looks at me for the first time when he slides his shirt off each arm.

"I didn't want you to worry." I say.

"If you didn't want me to worry you should've told me where you were going. Not telling me starts problems and it's human nature to jump to conclusions." He says. His fingers swiftly unbutton his pants.

"W-why are you undressing?" I ask. What a stupid question.

"I'm going to stretch you for miles." Levi breathes.

"No." I say shaking my head.

"Yes, you've been acting up all day." He says. He grabs my upper arm and throws me to the bed. Then in quicker than two seconds he's on top of me ripping at my clothes.

"What do you want me to say?" I ask. "I know I should h-have told you."

I lay in my bed in only a shirt, looking up at my teacher Levi.

"You should take that shirt off if you don't want it to get dirty." He says and I frown. I don't move as Levi lifts my legs up, pushing my knees towards my head. "Now, when your attitude is on, there seems to be more resistance in here." He says tracing my hole with a finger. "Try to relax." He says and he dips two fingers inside of me. I grit my teeth. Even though I'm dry, he doesn't stop. He waits until his fingers are down to the last knuckle to stop only because he has no other choice.

"Levi- It hurts." I say and he takes his fingers out of me slowly.

"You should shut up. That mouth of yours, that dirty lying mouth, I don't want to hear it. This mouth down here," he says stroking the puckered hole. "This is your more honest mouth." At just his touch my body responds and the hole opens by itself. It causes him to chuckle. "But sometimes I do prefer your dirty mouth." He says as he leans over and kisses me on the lips. He snakes his tongue inside of my mouth and I almost choke on it.

"Have you been drinking?" I ask my cheeks red and my eyes shut tightly.

"No." He replies as he trails his hot fingers down my burning flesh. He leaves feathery touches down my ribs, over my stomach, then he slowly walks his fingers down towards my penis.

"W-what's in that bottle?" I ask before he can reach it.

"Oh yeah. That's something I got for you." He says climbing off of the bed. I relax my legs back down to the bed as he grabs the bottle and returns.

"You can't make me drink that." I say. I won't drink something he got for me while he was mad. He wouldn't poison me but I'm sure he'd get me drunk or make me do something embarrassing.

"How much do you want to bet?" He asks grabbing my ankle. I shake my ankle free and turn around to my hands and knees reaching for the headboard. His rough hand settles beneath my shirt on the bare skin of my waist. "Where are you running off to?" He says. As soon as I feel the cold glass on my butt all the color drains from my face. He fixes himself behind me, on his knees behind me and he slowly pushes an object inside of me.

"What is that!" I yell. I find out what it is when I feel the widening neck of the bottle going deeper inside of me.

"You said you were pretty dry." He says and I feel liquid overflowing inside of me as he tilts the bottle upwards. "I got some nice oil for you. Heh- you said I couldn't make you drink this but you could probably swallow the whole bottle." He says. He twists it around inside of me. My eyes shut even tighter and I squeeze my pillow tightly.

 "If you're going to punish me for not telling you where I was going, then go ahead and do it while I'm in the position." I say through clenched teeth.

"Oh no no no Eren, I don't want you in this position." He says flipping me over back into the position I was in previously. He bends my knees by my head and my muscles push the bottle out of me, making oil spill all over the bed and making the bottle roll onto the floor. I look down at my elevated bottom and notice the oil leaking from it, itching as it dripped down to my stomach. "Now we can begin." He says. I'm filled with liquid.

He places his hard manhood at my entrance and my toes curl. "Eren open your eyes." He says grabbing the undersides of my knees. "I'm going to enter you slowly." 

I don't want to open my eyes, because I know as soon as I open them he's going to slam into me and although I've had practice with his meat, although I've even spent some time on top, it's still going to burn.

"Come on Eren, don't you trust me?" He asks. I think for a moment and sigh. My eyes open at a squint at first, then fully and look into his awaiting grey eyes. The way he looks down at me reminds me of a wolf cornering it's prey, that look that says you're mine or you're finished. He pushes inside of me, stopping briefly when he's halfway in, then pushing the rest into me. There's no room for both the oil and Levi. The oil splashes up from my depths and overflows but I have to be thankful for this oil for easing most of the entrance discomfort.

"You're squirting already?" He asks humorously. I was, I was already "squirting." I've been coming fairly quickly recently. My eyes shut once again, tightly. "You're getting that cream all over your shirt." He adds.

I pant heavily as I flatten my palms against Levi's defined chest. "L-Levi, isn't this too..." I trail off.

"Too what?" He asks. He goes from his kneeling position, to a laying position over me and I can feel his breath on my face. I seize the opportunity and I relax my bottom and flatten my feet on the bed.

"Isn't this too much?" I grunt. My stomach is full of Levi and my nostrils are full the scent of natural olive oil. My ears are full of my own quick panting breath and my mouth is full, almost too full of saliva. My eyes are filled with water that's ready to spill.

"Too much? What do you mean?" He asks. He pulls out an inch and rams it back inside of me, stretching me a little further.

"A-AH!" I yell then my breathing gets quicker.

"It's hurting you?" He asks as he thrusts again.

"Is this what you wanted to do with me for Easter?" I ask. If so then I was right!

"Hm? Is that what you think?" He asks. He pulls out all the way to the head, then rams back in and repeats this quickly. I'm a moaning, feigning mess. My hands slide up Levi's chest to his shoulders to slow him down.

"Yes." I whisper and he halts his movement, staring at me in shock. I cower underneath him, afraid of what he might say or do, but he says nothing. He pulls out of me, not even showing me his eyes and grabs my ankle, flipping me onto my stomach.

He grabs me and lifts my waist. I strengthen my knees to support my weight. When I try to pick my head up off of the bed Levi's hand settles on my cheek and holds my head down.

"Levi?" I whisper. He repositions himself at my hole and rams it back inside of me, this time the excessive oil slides down my thighs. Levi shoves his pinky and ring finger into my mouth as I scream.

"What do you think I am, Eren?" He says. He pounds into me mercilessly. "You think I'm some kind of beast that can't handle a little heat? I can abstain from having sex with you," he says giving me another hard thrust that earns him a whimper. "That's something I could do. Do you want that?" He asks and I try to shake my head "no" as the force of his thrust makes my whole body surge forward. "I have sex with you because it's fun. Don't you have fun while we have sex?" He asks.

"Yesh." I mumble around his fingers.

He slams into me again before taking hold of my hips and slamming into me quickly, and forcefully about fourteen times. My cries sound like that of an injured dog. "I put feeling behind everything I do. I don't fuck you because I want to make a fool out of you even though I used to when we first started. You know how I feel about you." He says reaching his hand around my hip and squeezing the tip of my already semi hard penis. My own sperm squirts onto my shirt for the second time tonight. "You know I wanted to take you somewhere for Easter... Wherever you wanted. That's why I asked you. Don't insult me Eren. You know the only time you listen to me is when we're like this; when we're in your bed and I'm on top of you showing you real discipline. This is discipline I can't show you in the gym or in front of anyone else, but it is the discipline you need the most." He says grabbing my penis once again. His thrusts don't let up as he's speaking and the harsh sound of his testicles and thighs slamming against me rings in my ear. His penis seems to push inside of my stomach further than ever before and my mouth hangs open as I cum again, straight into Levi's hand.

He puts his wet hand back on my hips as he continues pummeling into me. "I don't o-only.. Listen to you when we- Hah! A-ahh! When we're MM-Mmn!" I attempt. He slows his thrusts down showing interest in what I'm trying to say and his hand slides down my back beneath my shirt, his fingers caressing my warm, sweaty skin. He takes his hand back out of my shirt and places it on my shoulder. He helps me get the front of my body supported on my shaky arms and he places his fingers in my scalp. His thrusts are now soft and rhythmic. "I don't only... Hah- hah- hah... Listen to you when we're like this. This is the only time you talk to me." I say in an unmanly tone.

"Ah, that's what you think?" He says.

"Yes. When you do speak to me, you always sound so annoyed and I can't tell if you love me most times." I pant.

"Mm!" He hums as his fingers tighten in my hair. He finally starts to cum. I sigh in relief when I feel my bottom being filled with his leakage. "It's just that, I don't want to be... Too obvious or anything." He says. I collapse and shortly after he collapses on top of me. I crawl from under him and lay down on my side, facing him. He doesn't look mad even though I offended him at least twice tonight. His hand slowly slides across my eyes, wiping away the tears... Wiping away the water. He does the same for the drool on my chin.

"Jean and Petra are nice to each other and no one suspects a thing." I mumble as his hand leaves my face.

"That's not who I am Eren. I can't be like this person or like that person. I can only be me. Just like you. You can only be you." He says. "I know you don't like it when I imply that you're stupid, and you don't like when I ignore you in class, and you also don't like when I raise my voice at you. I'm sorry for that in class and for raising my voice at you a moment ago. I'll try not to do those things. I'm sorry that everyday my feelings get stronger and stronger for you." He says stroking my cheek with the side of his finger.

"You didn't have to apologize for that last one." I say and he grabs my face, bending it towards his lips, and kisses my forehead. Then his hands completely mess up my hair. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you from the beginning that I wanted to go to the community for Easter." I say.

"No, now that I think about it, it's good you didn't tell me. Otherwise, I wouldn't have let you go and you wouldn't have been there. In fact if you told me that, on instinct I probably would've kept you in the gym for a few hours doing cardio." Levi says but I know he's exaggerating. I think he's exaggerating, and it's probably to make me feel better about being deceitful. I love when Levi lets this version of himself out. He's so honest. Right here right now, there are no distractions. The eyes he's looking into are mine. "So what did you and Sasha do?" He asks.

I frown. "What do you mean?"

"You know, earlier when I cut you off. I want to know what you were going to say." He says.

"Oh instead of listening to the story of Easter again, this time her and I decided to hide chocolates in the fields." I say with a chuckle. He gives me an odd stare. "We're not allowed to eat chocolate." I say.

"Oh. Rebellious." He says with a smirk.

"I know! And from way earlier that thing I was talking about that I succeeded in... Remember how you'd tell me I can't cum by myself?" I ask.

"Yeah." He says.

I have to avert my eyes to say the last part. "Well you were wrong." I mumble and his face contorts into a confused smile.

"Do you have something to tell me Eren?" He asks in complete amusement. I can feel my face heating up.

"Well when you went to the doctors two days ago, I decided that in your absence I'd touch myself a little. And I did. And I made myself cum." I say.

"And you're going to show me sometime right? To prove to me that I was wrong?" He asks.

"I mean... I might." I say.

"Did you use that thing I got you for your birthday?" He asks.

"You mean that card?" I ask.

"Well yeah, any reminder of me probably helped you cum, which means you didn't cum by yourself you had my help." He says.

"That's not right. Of course I was thinking about you but I was doing all the work." I say. We both break out in laughter.

"For the first time you did all the work."

"I tried being on top and you hardly got off on it." I say in my defense.

"You know it takes me a while to get off. You were creaming all over me." He says as he continue to laugh. I stop laughing but he just keeps going.

"Okay Levi, okay."

"So... You missed the um... Easter story huh?" He asks after he's calmed down.

"Yeah. But it was worth it." I say. He surprises me by grabbing my hand and intwining our fingers. He brings my hand up to his lips.

"It was on a Friday." He says quietly, his mouth behind my hand.

"What?"

"Jesus was crucified on a Friday. We call it Good Friday now. I never knew that. Then three days after he was crucified, he resurrected." Levi says. He looks back up into my surprised eyes, then quickly looks down with his cheeks tinted pink. He tries to let go of my hand but I don't let him.

He actually took the time to learn about Easter. He actually did it.

I continue to stare at him in awe. Maybe I didn't know how much he actually loved me. "The part I don't get is the rabbit. Did a rabbit get crucified and resur-" I cut him off mid sentence as I jump on top of him and kiss his lips.

"I. Love. You. Too." I say every time I lift my head from Levi's.

"What?" He says when his lips are released.

"Yes." I answer capturing his lips again. My penis touches Levi's for a split second and it throws off my innocent intention.

"No. We're not doing sex with you on top until your birthday next year. That was a disaster." He says. "And I know you aren't trying to penetrate me." I block out everything he says as I roll off of him.

"Now that I think about it, why is a rabbit associated with Easter?"


	18. Christmas special

COMING TOMORROW!!!!!!!


	19. Christmas Special.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i cried

I spent all summer at Levi's house. It was very comfortable and I felt right at home. It goes without saying that there was so much sex. So much. It's fair to say we did it every night. We may not have done it every night but we definitely did it at least four times a week. But far more important than that, we've really connected on a deep level emotionally and mentally.

 

He says he's going to make himself calm down a bit. He'll try to be less jealous and just clean up his act a little. I assured him that I think he's perfect but I must admit he gets a bit intimidating. Jean said that's because of our age difference though. I also have made promises to Levi. I promised to become less childish and actually try harder to achieve my goals.

 

I'm going into this new school year ready for any challenge. My father also roomed me with Jean this year, he does think I’m his boyfriend. I appreciate it. I already know I have to do well in sports and academics to be able to go to the college Levi went to. My father bought me an apartment the other day and he also set it up so I can have a life out here. He got me a bank account, a car and everything I’ll need after this year, my senior year in high school.

 

In addition to the winter competition this semester, as a senior I also have to go to the winter dance. All of us are required to go. However, it won’t be as bad as it sounds. Levi decided to be a teacher chaperon to keep an eye on me or something.

 

“That shitty dance thing is tonight. What are you wearing?” Levi asks me as Jean and I enjoy lunch in his room.

 

“Are you two gonna match or something?” Jean asks. “Awe that’s so middle school." He says. I find it funny and I laugh. Levi on the other hand looks a bit annoyed.

 

"Eren, what did you say you were wearing?" Levi asks.

 

"I'm just going really casual." I say. "Maybe a shirt and jeans." Levi nods.

 

"Is Petra going to be a chaperon?" I ask Jean.

 

"No. Actually I'm not even sure. She's been sick lately and it worries me." Jean says and Levi's eyes widen.

 

"What? Why are you making that face Levi?" I ask.

 

"Thank god you're in fucking health this year." Levi says. "I'm not going to tell you shit."

 

"But!"

 

"She might be pregnant Eren, shit." Jean says. "But I doubt it. She didn't throw up and her stomach isn't big."

 

"Well, it's obviously not going to be big right away. You haven't been using condoms?" Levi asks.

 

"...Not recently." Jean says.

 

"Then that's even worse. She just got sick as you stopped using protection?" Levi asks and for some reason I feel really left out.

 

"I don't know... I think so." Jean groans. "Cross country is so weird without her." 

 

I can sympathize. I remember when Levi was sick and he didn't come to the gym for a week. It was so weird.

 

"Eren how are you pull-ups coming along?" Levi asks me. I do have a record to beat this winter after all.

 

"I can do 80." I say proudly. The record I set last year was 77.

 

"You need a better lead than that. At least get 90." Levi says.

 

 

 

When it's finally time for the dance, I start getting ready for it as soon as it starts. When I arrive in the gym the Fitness Club usually uses it's decorated with snowflakes and winter shit. The setting is kind of annoying but I guess I can try to have fun. I quickly sign in and I notice Petra wearing a really tight dress and very flashy makeup. She's talking to Levi. Levi!

 

I quickly walk over to the two of them. "Some party, huh?" She asks shaking her hips and chuckling. She looks... really, really pretty. Her dress is sleeveless and it somehow pushes her breasts up so they almost spill out of the top of it. I notice Levi's hand on the small of her back. I know it means nothing but it makes me feel sort of... strange.

 

"Heh, I've never heard music like this before. They say these dirty words in a manner that's almost poetic." I say. I look over at Levi and instead of looking at me, in my completely casual outfit, he looks down over Petra's figure multiple times.

 

"Guess why this idiot is so happy." Levi says finally looking at me.

 

"Better question! Guess who's not pregnant." Petra says loudly over the music.

 

"... Ah congratulations." I say.

 

She smiles at me. "I'm here to surprise Jean. I've been looking like crap in front of Jean lately so I kind of... I hope I'm not too dressy." She says looking down at her own bare legs.

 

"Too dressy? Compared to the way the other girls here are dress, you don't stand out that much." I say in a consoling voice.

 

"I'm not sure if that's a compliment. Hahaha." She says.

 

I can't really stand seeing Levi's manly hands on her feminine figure. He doesn't like women like that. It's not like Petra even likes him so why is this bothering me. I see Jean from the corner of my eye and I hold my breath as Levi's hand slides down Petra's back. It seems like so motion as his fingertips brush her bottom. It's probably an accident but... Jesus Christ. Should I say something? No. That would turn this, which probably isn't even a thing, into a thing. I remember well what happened at the very beginning of this year. The misunderstanding I had about Levi and this girl. I'll choose to shut up.

 

"He's there." Levi says flicking his head over to point. 

 

"Hey you, Kirschtein?" Petra says slowly walking over to him as he finishes signing in. Her short, loose curls bounce against her neck as she picks up speed. As men, Levi and I can't help but watch her walk away.

 

Jean looks up slowly and his eyes become so wide as they stare at Petra. "What...?" He mumbles.

 

"Hey baby." She says.

 

"Babe... Why are you dressed... like that?" Jean asks.

 

"To surprise you." She says.

 

"I don't want other guys to see you like this." Jean says.

 

I look over at Levi just as he's rolling his eyes. "That couple is a wreck." He says and I giggle.

 

"No couple is perfect. We had a lot of ups and downs too." I say recalling arguments and the silent treatment I've used on Levi.

 

 

Thirty minutes into the dance, Levi and I are just standing by each other talking and we do it for another thirty minutes.

 

"... Then Sasha gave me a hug. Like... I don't know, I used to like her a lot... but it's not the same as how I feel about you now. You know what I mean?" I ask.

 

"I know. Petra used to like me... Years ago. We dated." Levi says. I turn to him with a frown and he looks into my eyes. "Well... I took her to dinner once. That's what I mean by dated. It wasn't really interesting for me so we never went back out. We don't even talk about it." He says. "But I must say... I don't know why she would go for someone like Jean."

 

"... You two are kind of similar." I say.

 

"In what way?" Levi snorts.

 

"Well... No matter how rude it is, you guys always say what you're thinking. You are able to express your feelings with words all the time when you're annoyed or uncomfortable." I say.

 

 

"This dance fucking sucks." Levi says after a while of silence. Well, not silence, but he and I weren't speaking to each other. There is loud music booming through the gym and there are people talking everywhere. Just not us.

 

"Because we're not doing anything..." I say.

 

"So... What's your cure for that?" Levi asks tilting his head upwards to look at me.

 

"Well," I say with a smile. "It is a dance." I say swaying my body left and right. I add a little two-step. He looks at me, shakes his head, and starts laughing.

 

"You're embarrassing yourself." He says.

 

"Hey, I cried in front of thousands on camera. Dancing in front of a few hundred is a walk in the park." I say spinning around and resuming my little routine.

 

"At least you were aware of how bad you looked when you were crying. Do you even understand how out of place you look?" Levi laughs. I laugh too. "You're not even on beat."

 

"Then show me." I say continuing my dance.

 

"Show you what?" Levi chuckles. 

 

"How to dance... in place and on beat." I say grabbing his wrist and pulling him closer to me.

 

"What makes you think I know how to dance?" He says trying to resist me, but see its his fault that I'm no longer the weakling I used to be. I'm much stronger than I was Junior year.

 

"if you can critique my dancing, you must know how to dance properly yourself." I say. "Come on then. Show me your moves." I laugh.

 

"... I can see if someone is trying to walking on a tightrope with the wrong technique that would cause them to fall, but does that necessarily mean that I can walk on a tightrope with the right technique and not fall myself?" He asks. Good point.

 

"Well it should. If you can critique someone on dancing, you should at least be able to dance a little yourself. So show me how good you are." I tease.

 

"... Okay. The truth is I don't know how to dance either." Levi says snickering in embarrassment.

 

I lift his chin so his eyes meet mine. "I lived in a convent-monastery all my life, where I wasn't even allowed to dance. Dancing isn't even about skill all the time. I just want to have fun with you." I say tangling my fingers with his. I lead him to the left for two steps pause, then the right for two steps and pause to the beat of the music. I add a little bit of rocking to it and Levi looks super uncomfortable but he decides to stay.

 

 

"Shit!" Levi yells as he cums into my mouth. His semen flows from my lips. When I invite him into my room, this is the usual routine. We go at it for a bit, we take a break, and I thank him for coming with a blow job.

 

We lay down naked on top of my blankets for a while. Even though my room is kind of chilly, there's been so much activity in it that Levi and I would burn to ash if we got under the covers. 

 

"So," Levi says turning to face me. "Is there some kind of Christmas thing at that monastery of yours?" He asks.

 

I cringe in memory of Levi's outburst the last time I went back to the monastery without telling him first. He got so jealous thinking I wanted to be with Sasha. He realizes he got carried away though. I had a similar outburst in the beginning of the school year because Levi met this freshman girl Isabel and I thought something was going on between them. I was obviously horribly mistaken. We try our very hardest not to get jealous now, but as you can see by what almost happened at the dance, it's very difficult. I feel entitled to everything that involves Levi. When his eyes settle upon Jean I find myself getting sort of upset because that gaze belongs to me and me alone.

 

"Oh of course. I'm not going though." I reply.

 

"What?" Levi asks sitting up halfway. "Are you sure?" He asks.

 

"Yeah. I didn't go last year." I say.

 

"Isn't that an excuse to go this year?" Levi asks.

 

"Well... Yeah but I want to spend Christmas with you." I say and my cheeks heat up. He looks over at me in surprise. "E-er that is if you didn't have plans or anything." I add.

 

"Please. I could go with my relatives to some stupid fucking party like I do every year, greet the new babies, new spouses, and force conversation... or I can spend it with you." Levi says looking deeply into my eyes.

 

"... I force conversation with you sometimes." I say to counter my fresh blush.

 

"Does it really feel forced to you? It's never felt that way to me." Levi says laying back flat on his back.

 

"No." I admit. Talking to Levi is pretty natural after he earned my absolute trust that night at my first competition when I cried because I didn't beat the world record.

 

"So... I was thinking about resigning next year." Levi says in total randomness.

 

"Really?!" I ask. This time I sit up halfway. I don't know if that makes me happy or sad or what!

 

"Yeah. You told me about your 17th birthday with your father and Sasha and..." Levi stops.

 

My expression softens. "And you were upset because you couldn't come?" I ask. That's right. Not only am I half Levi's age, but he's also my teacher. A relationship between the two of us is so completely inappropriate. My father had even invited Jean to come. But Jean is my age and not my teacher. It's a shame my father still believes he's my boyfriend.

 

"Well yeah." Levi says.

 

"... I'm graduating this year anyway. You won't be my teacher after this year anyway." I explain.

 

"That's true, but are you going to be fine just chilling around while I'm teaching for eight hours everyday?" He asks. 

 

It takes me a minute to actually process that last one. Sure I'll be in college but I'll only have class for like 3 hours a day... tops. What will I do while he's in school teaching students... and what if he meets someone else? Okay, that last thought is ridiculous... But still. I want to be with Levi as long as possible, as many hours of the day as possible. I'll feel sort of bad if he quits teaching because of me though.

 

 

This year at the competition, I'm less nervous. They go from section to section. I roll my eyes as Reiner sets the world record and the sponsor yells in excitement. I guess what Reiner is doing is winning it one year, so it pushes Bert to become stronger and then allowing Bert to win the next year. I look closely at Bert's shirt and it seems that this year he is studying at this very college. I bet the same for Reiner. I do notice their absence in the gym sometimes, but it's not like I can't get along without them.

 

"How was that, freshman?" Reiner says with a smirk as he approaches me.

 

"That was great." I say. "You beat the world record again? Wow. I'm sure Bert's got a lot on his plate for Spring."

 

"You bet." Bert says with a smile. "Eren... It's kind of ... different without you. You know what I mean?" He says.

 

"I miss you too Bert." I say. The three of us follow the sponsor from a distance as he approaches the punching bags.

 

"What about me?" Reiner says.

 

"And you too, of course." I lie. He smiles to himself.

 

"I guess you weren't a bad underclassman." He says.

 

"Students, ready?" The sponsor yells.

 

There's a girl who just started the fitness club this year. Her name is Isabel she has short auburn hair, bright green eyes, and she took up Levi's sport, the punching bag. She looked so inspired when Levi gave his big speech in the beginning of the year, took his shirt off, and whipped the punching bag's ass in front of all of us upperclassmen who have seen it before and the freshmen who haven't. This time I was a part of the crowd sitting in front of him, not spying outside of the door getting a hard on. I got a tad bit jealous of all the attention he gave her in the beginning, and I didn't know what to expect when I confronted Levi and he said the two of them do in fact have a special relationship. Then before I could react he said he thought of her as an annoying little sister that needs his guidance. I never talked to her and I cringe every time we make eye contact. Levi has said on occasion that she reminds him of me and that makes me feel weird.

 

She takes her long sleeve shirt off to reveal a sports bra and the men around her all glare at her. She returns the glare and tightens the string around her soccer pants that look an awful lot like the pants Levi is wearing.

 

"I believe in you." Levi says to her and she nods with a face only I could reciprocate. A face of dead-on determination.

 

Once they start Isabel begins with a very bloodthirsty glare at the bag. It feels as if I'm looking into the mirror. In the blink of an eye they are already at 50 hits. Well I never really knew if they meant hits or seconds that they've been hitting consecutively. Her glare gets more intense as she begins to tire-out. What's driving her exactly. All the men around her have quit. What is her motivation? I don't need to ask myself anymore as I see the glance she steals of Levi. He has this way of bringing out the fight in some people. I bet he has affected us in the very same way. So yeah, maybe Levi was right. Isabel and I are similar.

 

It's down to the last two. Isabel and some guy I faintly remember from last year.

 

"Come on, Isabel!" Levi shouts as her face loses some of it's intensity. As she goes in for another punch her arm misses the bag and her face collides with it instead. The crowd gasp and the obnoxious sponsor that I remember all too well from last year gasps into the microphone for the camera.

 

"Well the only female, who's made it all the way to the final two has just fallen... face first might I add." He says into the mic with a chuckle for the camera.

 

"Hey man, cool it." I say. He made jokes when I fell my first time too.

 

"I was just-" He says before I walk away. I don't care for an excuse.

 

"Get up." Levi barks at her. He stands right above her shuddering figure, face down with her knees tucked into her chest. I just know she's crying- just like I was. "Get up this instant. You aren't hurt and no one is going to baby you." Levi says. I walk over to the two of them. "You think they feel sorry for you? You think they'll give you another chance because you're crying... because you're a girl? That's not how you show strength, that's not how you show that you have what it takes... I wasn't lying when I said I believe in you before you started and it certainly hasn't changed since you've finished. You get the hell up, wipe your face, and next season, you come here with a vengeance. Get up!" Levi barks the last sentence.

 

I don't think his little speech helped her any. "Do we have a serious injury?" The sponsor asks as he walks away from us. Probably somewhere to get a medic.

 

"Let me try." I say tapping Levi on the chest. "Hey. I'm Eren. I'm a senior." I say placing an awkward hand on her back as I slowly drop to my knees. "It didn't go how you planned, did it?" I ask, gently rubbing. This is necessary, being comforted like this after being embarrassed in front of thousands. "I was where you were last year..." I say. 

 

"B-b-b-b-" She tries. Her voice is an unstable disaster.

 

I do my best to guess what she's thinking. "Yeah I'm a senior... But last year when I was a junior, I was pretty weak. The competition didn't go how I planned the first season." I say speaking softly.

 

"Eren don't baby her." Levi says.

 

"Levi," I say rolling my eyes. "I've got this. Get ready, you're up next." I say.

 

He frowns down with a face questioning the nerve of me but he doesn't object.

 

"I fell off the pull-up bar and began crying loudly. It was really embarrassing and everyone was laughing. Levi's right you know? This looks awfully weak. Guess what I did the next season." I say and I'm surprised when she turns her head and looks over at me. Her eyes are glassy and tear-filled.

 

"What?" She asks softly.

 

"I came back with a vengeance. This time when I fell off of the bar in exhaustion, I didn't cry. No one laughed at me. I proved my strength by winning the competition, beating the world record, and not being an ass or a wimp about the outcome. Now tell me, what is crying going to do besides mess those pretty eyes up and give you a bad reputation?" I say and I can't help but smile when the prettiest, most innocent smile stretches across her face. "Ready to stand? Come on." I say standing and offering my hand to her. She takes it and raises to her feet. To my and her surprise the crowd starts cheering.

 

They probably thought she had really hurt herself when she ran face-first into the bag.

 

"Eren?" She calls.

 

"Yeah?" I ask.

 

"Why? Why did you do that for me?" She asks. Her voice is still a bit shaken up.

 

"Because, when it was me on the floor in front of thousands... completely vulnerable, someone was nice enough to do it for me." I say honestly. She smiles again. Why do I feel like I'm looking into a mirror.

 

"Thank you so much." She says opening her arms to give me a hug. I open mine too, but before we can hug the sponsor yells.

 

"I got the medic!" He says into the microphone and the paramedic takes her away.

 

It's finally time for Levi to go and Eren nods in pride as Levi beats the world record. Last year Levi was unable to participate because of him and he feels kind of bad about that still. Levi and Eren wear the same smirk as Isabel's childlike voice can be heard from across the gym squealing Levi's name with pride.

 

They are so alike that it makes Eren's skin itch. Even physically they are uncomfortably similar.

 

When it's my turn, a surprising crowd that's as big as Levi's comes to watch. Reiner, Bert, Levi, Isabel... I take the time to browse the bleachers and somehow, I immediately spot Jean and Petra barely showing up, trying to find a seat. Jean is wearing his cross country uniform, he must have had a race today. I look around a bit more. I see a collection of people from my school, Mikasa and other girls, people I sat with at lunch on occasion. I keep looking until I see a jumping figure, her long brown hair bouncing around. It's Sasha. My father is next to her. He looks... thinner than when I saw him on my birthday. I hope he's been doing okay.

 

Not to be cocky or anything but when I win and beat the world record, I'm not that surprised. I'm glad my peers will have seen me succeed but for some reason winning didn't really feel like how it felt the last time. Well in college I'll come back to beat my score of 133 consecutive pull ups.

 

"You were really cool." Isabel says at the end of the competition. This girl needs Levi. It would be selfish for me to let Levi quit schooling when this girl depends on him so much. She needs him so much that it hurts me. I won't create someone's hell. I won't stop someone's progress from becoming great. She needs Levi to push her to her full potential.

 

"Thank you." I say. I give her a hug before walking towards the bleachers quickly. I want to catch my father and Sasha.

 

"Good job Eren. That's a good job." Levi says patting my head.

 

"Hahaha, thanks." I say pushing past him gently.

 

"You looked pretty hot out there, Jaeger." Mikasa says as I pass her and her group of girls. I somehow end up hugging her and I can't lie, it felt good!

 

"Heyyy man!!!" Jean yells, jumping all over me. My arms don't have strength enough to push him off. I stand there like a coat-rack while he hangs off of me like some kind of monkey. Petra kisses my cheek.

 

"That was fantastic Eren!" She says.

 

"Thank you." I say with a blush.

 

I push past them finally. I receive two extremely hard punches on the arms probably from Reiner and Bertholdt but I keep moving until I catch Sasha. She's helping my father down the bleachers. I rush to help.

 

"Getting old, huh?" I ask with a chuckle.

 

Sasha smirks but her eyes look full of sorrow.

 

"It's called dying." My father says with a snort.

 

"Ahh..." I say dismissing that.

 

"That was some performance out there Eren." My father grunts as we get on the gym's floor.

 

"Thanks dad."

 

"Can I touch your arms?" Sasha asks.

 

"Of course." I say and she squeezes away.

 

"You surprised me." She says looking into my eyes. I feel shy for some reason.

 

"With how much I've been training?" I ask.

 

"No. I knew you'd win and stuff. You surprised me with what you did for that little elf girl." She says.

 

"Oh you mean Isabel? That surprised me a little too." I admit.

 

"That was sweet... Is she the one you're... with?" Sasha asks. I thought she knew I was with a man.

 

"No. No of course not. She's like an annoying little sister." I say before realizing that I just stole Levi's words.

 

"Ohhh! Well she does kind of look like y-"

 

"Please Sasha, don't." I say.

 

"Where's your trophy and stuff?" Sasha asks, clearing her throat.

 

"Levi has it." I reply.

 

"Levi?" My father asks. "You address your teacher as Levi?"

 

"Not usually. I meant Mr. Levi. He prefers we use his first name though." I say and I can feel a thick sweat growing on my neck through the silence.

 

"So Eren, you are coming to the Christmas ceremonies this year right? Of course you are. You didn't come last year." My father says before having a coughing fit.

 

"Actually- Are you okay?" I ask. He nods. "Actually, I am spending Christmas with Le- ... with Jean." I say. My heart skips a beat and I try not to choke from the pain.

 

"Is that your friend from school??" Sasha asks.

 

"No you are not." Grisha says.

 

"What?" I say.

 

"In twelve days, Christmas eve, you're coming to the convent." He says.

 

"It'll be fun Eren. Like when we were kids! We can hide the star that goes on the big tree with the brothers and sisters like we used to. We can-"

 

"NO! Dad I'm not going! I made a promise that I would spend Christmas with... Jean. Sorry. Maybe next year." I say.

 

"EREN!" My father shouts and it catches everyone from my schools attention. I turn back towards him and he and Sasha are falling to the floor in slow motion. Sasha is trying to help him up but he's too heavy for her princess arms. He's having another coughing fit.

 

"You choose this man over god?" He asks.

 

"... I choose myself." I say and his eyes roll to the back of his head before shutting.

 

"Eren!" Sasha shouts.

 

I'm paralyzed. My father lays on the floor and I'm just standing over him.

 

"Help me, Eren!" Sasha yells, a tear rolling down her cheek. I finally snap out of my trance and lower myself to the pair of my father and Sasha.

 

 

My father, Grisha is in a coma for almost two weeks and the day before Christmas eve, the day Levi and I choose to visit he wakes up.

 

"You're not playing games are you?" Levi asks. "Because this man has been in a coma for a while."

 

"Oh, I'm not that awful. His condition hasn't changed. He's still basically on.... he's still declining." The nurse he's talking to answers.

 

"Declining? Like rejecting food?" I ask.

 

"No." Levi says looking at me. "Declining as in this is as far as it goes for Grisha." He says placing a hand on my shoulder.

 

"As far as-" I start.

 

"As far as his story goes. It's the end. He's on his deathbed." Levi says. "He's dying. He's on the edge of life." He says softly.

 

I stare at the sterile white floor for a moment.

 

"Go speak to him." The nurse says to me, I shake my head. I couldn't. I can't. How am I supposed to go in there and have a normal conversation with someone who's dying? With my father who's dying. This man raised me. How could I possibly walk in there and talk to him like this won't be the last time?

 

"I'm right here Eren." Levi says.

 

"No." I say softly. I want to remember my father laughing and wiping my snotty nose. I don't want to remember these last two years. I don't want to remember all of these arguments. I want to remember watching T.v with him for four hours. I want to remember every birthday before my sixteenth. I don't want to remember a man who is clinging on to life. That's not how my dad is. He's strong.

 

"Why won't you go see him? Remember what you said to me? Because I'm the guy who's always too late. I didn't go see my mother. I hid behind school, behind college. I didn't get to hear her last words or anything. That's probably why I'm so fucked up. Go in there and see your damn father." Levi says.

 

"How?" I ask quietly. I look up from the floor into Levi's eyes.

 

"What? How? You turn around, you move your right, and left feet feet forward until you reach a door. Once you reach the door place your hand on the knob and-"

 

"How can I go in there and see him the way he is?"

 

"I understand you Eren. Believe me. I went through the same thing. I didn't want to see her suffering, my mom, so I went away for college. I regret that decision every day of my life. I won't let this happen to you. Get in there right now." Levi says.

 

"I-I can't!" I yell as I close my eyes tightly. Tears flow freely. This hurts so much. This all feels fake. What is this supposed to feel like? I don't even know. You were right in front of me. Right in front of me. All of these memories of you I have will be destroyed if I walk into this hospital room. Dad... Father? 

 

"... The way I see it, he woke up to tell you something, one last thing before he leaves." The nurse says looking over at me with a smile of empathy.

 

I hold my head up. If there's something he has to tell me... I've got to hear it. Not hearing it would be something I regret for the rest of my life. I turn around and enter the room.

 

"Want me to come with you?" Levi asks.

 

"No." I say.

 

 

I open the door to my father's room and slip in.

 

"Eren? I thought you wouldn't come. They told me that you never visited." Grisha croaks.

 

"Are you okay?" I ask.

 

He smiles at me. I ask the stupidest questions don't I father? I smile too. "I'm fine. I wish I had followed my dreams." He says.

 

"... Dreams?" I ask.

 

"Your mother and I always wanted to open a restaurant outside of the community." Grisha says.

 

"Hey! Levi- I mean Jean can cook! Maybe he'll open a restaurant if he quits teaching. Oh but I don't want him to quit because of Isabel. Oh I mean, he doesn't teach." I shake my head at how bad I just messed up.

 

"Jean. You mean Levi?" Grisha asks looking up at me from his bed.

 

"No I said Levi when I meant Jean. Levi is my teacher."

 

"And he's also your boyfriend." My father says with a smile. He knows.

 

"How long-"

 

"Have I known? Since your junior year. I saw the broadcast of that competition of yours where you fell and cried, the way he looked at you... the way he cared for you and brought you to your feet... I knew." Grisha says.

 

"You were waiting for me to tell you the truth?" I ask.

 

"I knew you never would. Why would you trust me with something like that?" Grisha laughs before having big coughing fit.

 

"Dad?" Eren asks softly.

 

"Come on son. Don't... Look at me... like that." He says between hacks and coughs.

 

I feel a chill down my spine and my arms sprout goosebumps. My eyes get heavy and full.

 

"If I had a chance... I'd get on that pull up bar of yours..." He says before coughing really loudly, blood comes up this time. He grabs a handkerchief and wipes his mouth. "I like the way Levi looks at you." He says.

 

"Dad?" I say and my voice cracks. A hard lump appears in my throat and it's really hard to breathe. I have to remind myself not to cry.

 

"It's okay to cry Eren." Grisha says and I notice his eyes are watery. "Come here." 

 

I walk to him and sit next to him on the bed.

 

"Dad. I want to see you again. I'm so sorry for ruining your life or whatever. I'm sorry for being a brat. I'd do anything for you to be alright." I sob.

 

"It's okay. It's..." My father sobs. "It's okay, my son. You didn't ruin my life. I ruined it. I've asked god for forgiveness, I've repented, atoned and I believe I'm going to heaven. I'll be with Carla again Eren. I love her. I love your mother and it's been really hard without her. I love you too."

 

""I love you father. I love you so much. Tell Carla about me. Tell her everything. Tell her what I look like...like her right?"

 

"Yes. Yes you do. So much." Grisha sobs. His eyes roll to the back of his head for a moment. "Eren, I'm feeling a little tired. You need to leave now." He says. 

 

"No!" I shriek.

 

"Give me a hug... and a kiss... and go." He says. I hold onto him tightly and kiss his cheek at least twenty times.

 

"You have to meet Levi!" I shout.

 

"I've met him." Grisha says in a low dry tone.

 

"No! I want to formally introduce him as my boyfriend to you. Please wait for me father. Please." I say jumping out of the bed.

 

I open the door and run out of the room and down the hall. 

 

"Levi!" I yell.

 

Levi looks startled as he follows me. "What happened?" He asks softly.

 

We walk into the room and it's too late. Just like Levi. I'm too late. Grisha's eyes are closed and he looks like he's sleeping, but I guess they all do when they have passed on. Levi's mother too. My mother too.

 

"Looks like... you were too late." Levi says and just then Grisha grunts. His eyes part.

 

"Levi, my boy, come here." Levi scratches his scalp before approaching Grisha. He grabs his hand.

 

"Take care of him." My father says patting Levi's hand. Then his hand falls limp and slides off of Levi's and he's gone.

 

It's not dramatic like the movies. He didn't have an epic dying speech. He's just

 

Gone.

 

After the holidays, there will be a funeral... Everyone from the community will be there. All my friends from school and Levi will be there.. but right now isn't the time for mourning.

 

Christmas is kind of sad. We all gather at Levi's house. Jean, Petra and I and we try to make the holiday as normal as possible. We bake, we sing songs, and exchange gifts. We also exchange embarrassing stories and laugh and have a ball. It's good. I forget about the pain I'm in for a day. Levi, Petra, Jean; they are my backbone. They all take care of me. This is good for now. It hurts but I'll heal in time.

 

God said :  
So do not fear, for I am with you;  
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  
I will strengthen you and help you;  
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.


End file.
